Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!
|-Mario: In case you still haven't grasped
it, this is, like, the Super Mario Brothers Freaky Show.
Episode 2: "All is Wrong in Love and War"
"Plumber's log, number 666, the Angel world was at war with the Devil world. This situation had a very negative effect on the Mushroom Kingdom's export market, and they were making so much noise that we could hear them all the way in the Mushroom Kingdom. This couldn't go on any longer, so we sent a delegation to the royal castle of the Angel world. Since we weren't able to afford a proper delegation, we instead opted to go there by ourselves..."
Camera zooms in to a view of the Angel world castle. Inside, queen Aphrodite the third is sitting on her throne. Opposite to her is a young man with long blonde hair. Aphrodite 3 addresses him in these words:
-Aphrodite: Limone, what message do you bring me?
-Limone: Limone? Who's Limone?
-Aphrodite: Oh God, don't tell me you ve lost your memory again?!
-Limone: Did I lose my memory? That's funny, I don't remember doing so....
-Aphrodite: Ohhh, this is hopeless! How am I ever supposed to pull the Angel world through this dumb war when I have such useless flunkies! If you keep losing track of your memory every five minutes, I shall have to fire you, Limone!
-Limone: Oh, am I your employee? It's news to me.....
At that moment, an angel rushes in and speaks these words to Aphrodite:
-Angel: Queen Aphrodite 3, the visitors from the Mushroom Kingdom are getting impatient. They want to know if you will see them now. Didn't lord Limone tell you about their arrival?
-Aphrodite: Well, you know how Limone is.....anyway, show these visitors in, whoever they may be.
The angel fetches Mario, Luigi, Toad, Yoshi and the princess and leads them into Aphrodite 3's throne room and introduces them with these words:
-Angel: The delegation from the Mushroom Kingdom!
-Mario: Yeah, some delegation.....
-Yoshi: What's a delligayshun? Is it tasty?
-Aphrodite: Well, princess Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom, it is an honor to receive you here in the Angel world. What brings you to us?
-Princess: Well, I dunno how to put it....what I came here for is to ask...well, in a nutshell...couldya turn down the noise a bit?
-Princess: Yeah, the noise. If you want to go to war with the Devil world, then that's fine with me, but do it quietly, okay? You're making such a racket that we can hear you all the way in the Mushroom Kingdom, and it's driving us up the wall!
-Mario: This was supposed to be a peace delegation, but I don't think it's going the right way...
-Luigi: Oh well, there is no such thing as true peace as it is. Life is nothing but conflict and suffering......
-Aphrodite: Well, I do apologies for the inconvenience, but I'm afraid you came to the wrong place. You see, the ones who started this whole war in the first place were the people of the Devil world.
-Princess: Oh, right, blame the neighbours.
-Aphrodite: No, seriously. We used to get along just fine with the Devil world. I was thick as thieves with their queen, but she mysteriously disappeared, and a new ruler appeared in the Devil world. This new ruler is responsible for this war, and his name is Koopa! You should blame him!
-Yoshi: If we get to dis Koopa, its okay with me ^^.
-Mario: Koopa has taken over the Devil world and has started this war! That's terrible!
-Luigi: Everything is terrible. We'll probably all get killed by Koopa's goons any minute now...
-Princess: Uhm...excuse me, but where's the loo?
-Ahprodite: Eh?? Oh, right, uhm....second door to your left.
The princess leaves the throne room, and in the hallway, she takes out her mobile phone and dials Koopa's number. After a while, the phone is answered in these words:
-Koopa: Yeah, now what the heck is it?
-Princess: Eehee, you sure sound sexy when you're snarling!
-Koopa: Oh, it's you! Nice to hear you again.
-Princess: Same here. Listen, I hear you're in the Devil world right now?
-Koopa: That's right, and it's a swell place! You should come over, I know you'd just love it.
-Princess: Well, I would, but there's a bit of a problem. See, I'm stuck here in the castle of the Angel world with Mario and those other bums. I can't just dart off for no reason, they'd get suspicious.
-Koopa: I see. Well, don't worry, we'll just go for the old kidnapping routine, it works every time. I'll send some of my flunkies round to pick you up, okay?
-Princess: Okay, see you soon!
Having finished her telephone call, she returns to the throne room where Mario and the others are studying a map of the Devil world. While intently staring at the large piece of paper he's holding, Mario delivers the following comment:
-Mario: It's odd, but the geographical lay-out of the Devil world looks almost exactly like a videotape recorder.....
-Princess: That's because what you're holding there isn't a map of the Devil world, it's the manual of a VCR.
-Mario: Eh?....Ohh, now I get it! This is the manual for a VCR, that's why it didn't work!
-Toad: So, where's the real map then?
-Mario: Hmmm....I have no idea....it was here a minute ago.....
-Yoshi: Burps! Whoops, Yoshi sorry.
-Mario:.......Oh good heavens.....you don't think....
-Toad: Yoshi! Be honest, did you eat the map of the Devil world?!
-Yoshi: Yes, it's all true! I admit! But I couldn't help it! I hadn't eaten for at least 30 seconds!
-Mario: Someone will have to explain why Yoshi always chooses the exact item that we need most as his next snack. Look, Yoshi, next time you feel an uncontrollable urge to eat something, just eat Luigi, allright? At least we're sure that we'll never need him.
-Toad: But now how will we ever successfully get through the Devil world without a map?
-Yoshi: Oh, what a horrible dilemma!
-Toad: Yes, and it's al your fault in case you had forgotten.
-Princess: Look, take it easy, everyone. I'm sure that a logical and rational solution will soon come to us.
Just as she has spoken this phrase, the whole castle suddenly begins to tremble, loud screams are heard from everywhere, and a nervous angel comes rushing into the throne room, bringing the following message:
-Angel: Your majesty, Queen Aphrodite the third! It's a disaster! The entire army of the Devil world is here! They're attacking our castle!
-Aphrodite: Say whaaaat?! And they didn't even ring to say that they were coming over?! How horrible! *turns to Limone* Limone, it is your duty to defend this castle!
-Limone: Hm? Castle? Which castle?
-Aphrodite: This castle, of course! You're standing in it as of now!
-Limone: Oh, that's right. Nice place, innit?
-Aphrodite: Who cares?! We're under siege, so get out on the castle ramparts this instant!
-Limone: Right away!....Whoever you are.....
Limone then rushes off but comes back to the throne room in a matter of seconds, with a very serious look on his face.
-Limone: Hey, you! The weirdo lady!
-Aphrodite: Doh! He has no idea that he's talking to the queen of the Angel world!
-Limone: Something extremely serious has come up......it's like this.....I just remembered.....
-Limone: ....that I have absolutely no idea how to get to the castle ramparts!
Driven to desperation by Limone's ineptitude, Aphrodite falls flat on her face. She slowly peels herself off the floor again and gives Limone a maddened, bloodthirsty stare, while clutching a baseball bat in her hands
-Limone: Oh! Who are you? I don't remember ever seeing you before....Nice place you got here by the way.....
-Aphrodite: I....I can't....take this any longerrrr......
-Mario: Hey, relax, Aphrodite, we've dealt with Koopa before. We can handle this situation. We'll head for the ramparts and fend off his creeps with great ease, right, lads?
-Toad: Yeah, whatever.....
-Luigi: I'll go. My life has no value, it makes no difference if I die or not....
-Yoshi: Are ramparts tasty?
-Mario: Allright then! We'll defend the Angel world castle from Koopa's invasion!
-Aphrodite: Well, that's very thoughtful of you. You might as well take that bum Limone wih you, who knows, he could be useful as a decoy.
-Limone: Who's this Limone, then?
-Princess: As for me, I think I'll just stay here and do nothing whatsoever while you lot bravely risk your lives out there!
-Mario: Yes, that is an excellent strategic decision, princess! Allright then, we're off!
Mario, Luigi, Toad, Yoshi and Limone disappear from the throne room. The princess, meanwhile, takes a look out of a window and contemplates the masses of Koopa Troopas that are storming the castle.
-Princess: *sigh* To think that Koopa has mobilized all those troops just to pick little old me up...Aah, there is just something so exciting about power!
The door to the throne room is then suddenly slammed open and Triclyde, Mouser and Fryguy stride in.
-Triclyde: We've got you now, princess! We were sent here by lord Koopa to take you, and there's no way you can escape anymore, so just come along calmly!
-Princess: *cheerfully* Okay, I'm coming, guys!
-Aphrodite: Uhm....did I miss something?
-Princess: Oh drat! Uhm...I mean...Please, Mr. Triclyde, pleeease! I beg of you, don't harm my precious friend queen Aphrodite! I will willingly sacrifice myself and endure all the sick, sadist tortures that you'll impose on me, but for the love of God, don't hurt dear Aphrodite!
-Triclyde: That's better. *in a low voice* We don't want your affair with our master to leak out, now do we, princess Toadstool?
-Aphrodite: No, I can't allow this! You, the freak with three heads, take me instead of this noble girl!
-Princess: Uhm...yes, that's...very nice of you, Aph, but it's no big deal, really...
-Aphrodite: No, I can't just stand here and watch while such a brave woman is being kidnapped by a trio of wierdos! I insist that they take me intead!
-Princess: Oh, brother.....
Aphrodite and the princess continue to argue about who has to be "sacrificed", while Koopa's three henchmen exchange these words.
-Fryguy: Great, now what are we supposed to do?
-Triclyde: We could just kidnap them both.....
-Fryguy: And then what?
-Triclyde: Well, then we....
-Mouser: Enough!! All of you shut the hell up!! I've had it up to here!
Mouser's outburst of anger manages to silence everyone in the room, including Aphrodite and the princess.
-Mouser: *breathing heavily* I can't stand it anymore....princess Toadstool! You backstabbing fiend! Who the hell do you think you are, anyways?! I will never forgive you for what you have done! Having a romantic supper with my lord Koopa, right underneath my very eyes, that was the last straw!
-Fryguy: Eep, Mouser is being scary! Stop him, Clyde!
-Mouser: I'm warning you, princess Toadstool, you human kewpie doll! Know that if you want to so much as lay a finger on lord Koopa, you'll have to answer to me!
-Triclyde: This is getting out of hand....Oi, Mouser, take it easy....
-Mouser: You stay out of this, Triclod!
Mouser then punches Triclyde's face with such force that the three-headed creature faints on the spot
-Fruguy: Eeeeh!! Scary!! *faints as well*
-Mouser: This matter is just between princess Toadstool and me! You've gone far enough as it, Toadstool, it's time to end this!!
Mouser then whips out two gatling guns and starts to fire them wildly, laughing like a maniac. The princess and Aphrodite start to tap-dance around like lunatics to avoid the bullets.
-Aphrodite: Eeyaaah!! Who is this nutter?!
-Princess: Eek! Wait! Mouser, can't we just talk this over?
-Mouser: Get twisted, you sick Gumby woman! Talk it over?! Wuhahahahaha!! In yer dreams, girly! Lord Koopa is mine! Mine, do you hear?! Waahahahahaaa!!
This scene continues until Mouser's gatling guns run out of ammo. With an angered yell, he flings them away and takes out two rocket launchers instead
-Mouser: Next one! Eat this!!
The content of the rocket launchers is fired into the throne room. In a matter of seconds, the whole castle is filled with rockets flying about and exploding all over the shop. Gradually, the entire castle starts to crumble because of this. Up on the ramparts, total panic breaks out. Cut to a shot of Mario and the others running around in hysteria as the very ground under their feet begins to crumble.
-Toad: Whoa, what's going on?!
-Yoshi: I swear that this time, it's not my stomach growling!
-Luigi: Just as I expected, we will all die horribly....not that it matters.....
Cut back to a shot of the throne room, which is now mostly blown to smithereens. Mouser has used up his rockets, and is now holding a humongous bazooka and grinning like a loon.
-Mouser: Prrrriiiiincessss Toadstooooool....for all that you have done to me....you will die, screaming!
-Princess: Wait a minute! I you fire that thing in here, you'll blow up the entire castle!
-Mouser: That's the idea! I will blow you sky high! Woohahaaaa! Splash, boom!!
Camera zooms in on Mouser's finger pulling back the trigger of his bazooka, then cuts to a shot of Koopa driving in a large black sports car, while muttering these words to himself:
-Koopa: What's taking those boneheads so long? They should've been back at the Devil world castle with the princess long ago. Grrrmbl, I bet they've freaked up even this simple assignment. Hrmph, if I want something done, I'll have to do it myself. Right, the Angel world castle should be just around the corner, I'll just rip off the princess by myself. I really can't depend on my dim underlings!
Koopa parks his car, gets out and contemplates the impressive view of the majestic Angel world castle stretching out before him. The Angel world castle in the distance then explodes into a million pieces. Koopa's eyes widen and his jaw drops at the sight of this. Cut to a shot of the only bits and bobs of rubble that are left of the castle. Everyone is lying unconscious among the debris. The only ones left standing are Mouser and the princess.
-Princess: See? I told you you'd blow up the whole shop.
-Mouser: Damn you! I command you to die, this instant!
Mouser then takes out a double-barreled shotgun and aims it at the princess. However, before he can fire the shotgun, a large green hand is placed on his left shoulder, and Koopa's voice is heard, addressing him in these terms
Mouser turns around, shocked and flustered
-Mouser: Oh...Lord Koopa.....
-Koopa: Mouser...I'm glad to have found you....you see, there is something very important I have been wanting to tell you for such a long time....
-Koopa: Yes...I've hesitated long, but now I'm ready to tell you how I really feel. Please listen well...
Mouser then takes off his sunglasses and raises his eyes to Koopa
-Mouser: I'm listening.....
-Koopa: Mouser.....I think you are.....you are....an absolute idiooooot!!
Enraged, Koopa uppercuts Mouser into the air. Mouser is sent flying off into the distance by the mighty blow, emitting screams of despair. The princess then speaks up.
-Princess: My hero! Oh, Koopa, that was so cool! You've saved me from that freak, just in time! You're woooonderful!
-Koopa: Hang on, it gets better. I managed to get tickets for "Phantom of the Opera", front row seat, just you and me!
-Princess: Oh, brilliant! So you're cultured as well as rich and sexy?! Wow, you really do have everything!
-Koopa: Well, only the best is good enough for you....Let's go, my car is parked just down the road.
Koopa and the princess walk away, exchanging a few more remarks. The camera zooms out from the pile of rubble that was once the Angel world castle. Sound of crows cawing is heard in the distance.
END of this episode