Super Mario Alternate Universe Story:
Mario's High School Days

By Toasty

Episode 3: The Festival of Hopes and Dreams! We Want to Reach for the Stars!


Dear Diary,

We're currently preparing for the school festival. It's this big event held each year at Nintendo High. From what I've heard, the idea is that each club hosts their own stand with all sorts of attractions. It's a great opportunity for the clubs to make money and gain public credit. Sometimes, they can even attract the attention of wealthy sponsors. Tomorrow, the space club is having a meeting about it's plans for the festival. I wonder what they have in store?


Scene 1: Preparing for the festival! This year, we can steal the show!

(Tuesday afternoon, at the pre-festival meeting of the space club. President Aran had vowed to greatly motivate her members with an energetic speech.)

-Samus: Allriiiiiight!! For this year's festival, the space club will be pulling out all the stops!! Mark my words: this year we'll steal the show! But, I can't proceed to tell you all about our set-up until all our members are present. Where's McCloud? Is he late again?

(Just at that moment, Foxy entered with an embarrassed smile).

-Fox: Sorry I'm late. I just came from the volleyball club meeting (huff, pant). Coach Gannon has been giving us a hard time again. Did I miss anything?

-Samus: Only my great pep-talk. Anyway, now that we're all here, I can exclusively reveal that a special guest will be helping out at our stand for the festival: the famous F-Zero race pilot, Captain Falcon! We'll even have a real-life F-Zero craft at our stand! Isn't that just super impressive?

-Luigi: But, Miss Aran, isn't it true that this Captain Falcon quit F-Zero racing a long time ago and has since then only been doing superhero TV shows for kids?

-Samus: Exactly! He's also a TV celebrity, which makes him the perfect choice!

-Luigi: Doesn't Miss Aran understand that doing a cheesy spandex-fest for kids doesn't exactly equal super-stardom?

-Fox: Well, he's the best we could get. And besides, having a TV celebrity on our stand is quite a novelty, even if he's just the star of a low-budget Power Rangers clone. I mean, none of the other clubs are doing it.

-Luigi: Figures. No other club is as warped as this one....

-Samus: And of course, we'll be showing off our own home-built spacecraft! This year, we'll even launch a spacecraft into the earth's orbit in front of thousands of spectators!

-Fox: Miss Aran, that could be a little risky. What if the craft doesn't take off? Then, we'd look like right idiots in front of everyone.

-Luigi: Or it could explode, or crash into the crowd. Then we'd look like mass murderers in front of everyone.

-Samus: Don't worry, this craft will be just peachy! I can guarantee that it'll be primo to the extremo, because the one building this craft is none other than our local genius kid, our latest recruit: Toad!

-Luigi: Toad joined the space club? Now there's a surprise......

-Samus: And Toad will even have some help from an expert. The renowned scientist and also ex-F-Zero driver, Dr. Stewart will provide special guidance for the construction of the craft! So, you see, nothing could possibly go wrong!

-Luigi: Well, somehow I'm still not really comfortable with this.....

-Samus: Well, are there any questions?

(Two members of the space club, Shine and Bright, both asked the same question)

-Shine: But Miss Aran, about that spacecraft......

-Bright:....who will be the one to pilot it?

-Shine: Hey, you! Don't cut into my lines! It's rude not to let people finish their sentences!

-Bright: Who are you calling rude, you wimp?!

-Shine: Hey, just because I'm a fan of Sailor Moon doesn't mean you can call me a wimp!

-Samus: Stop that, you two! Must you always argue?! The pilot hasn't been chosen yet, because the craft isn't even finished yet. Once it is, we'll see who will do best as a pilot. Okay, any more questions? Nope? Well then, this meeting is over. See you, folks!

(Meanwhile, at the music club meeting, the atmosphere was a lot less relaxed than it had been at the space club meeting. President Toadovsky was having trouble with two of his members, Zelda and Saria who were constantly arguing.)

-Toadovsky: Cut it out, you two! Honestly, at every meeting it's the same! Now stop it, Saria, and you too, Zelda!

-Zelda/Sheik: President Toadovsky, please call me Sheik when I'm wearing my spandex 'n mask combo outfit.

-Toadovsky: Very well then, Sheik, but if you stop fighting with Saria.

-Sheik: But she called my songs boring! I can't let her get away with that!

-Saria: But it's true! "Serenade of Water", "Nocturne of Shadows" and whatever you care to call them. They're dull! Let's hear you play something cool for a change!

-Sheik: You want cool? You got it! Listen to the Tango of Salted Peanuts!

-Saria: What kind of a name is that??

-Sheik: It's a very fitting name, as this song will warp you to the peanut vending machine in the hall!

-Saria: Hah! It's also a very fitting name because your song is just that: peanuts! It's nothing compared to my Merengué of the Bus Stop!

-Sheik: You make me laugh with your merengué! It's no match for my Rumba of the Video Rental store!

-Saria: You just say that because you're jealous of my Cha-cha-cha of the Shopping Mall!

-Sheik: Why should I be jealous about that when I have my Waltz of the Phone Booth?

(While Sheik and Saria throw countless stupidly-named warp songs at each other, Toadovsky is slowly but surely losing his temper)

-Link: It looks like things are getting a bit out of hand......

-Toadovsky: Those girls will one day drive me properly nuts, I tell you....

-Saria: My Twist of the Cantine is loads better than your stupid Hully-gully of the Railway Station!

-Toadovsky: Now that's enough! The meeting's over, clear off, all of you!

-Saria: I'd be glad to. Come on, Link, we need to go to the archery club meeting.

-Sheik: Why don't you warp there with the Cacophony of your Life?!

-Saria: Nyaaah! I know Link likes my songs better than yours, stupid freak in drag!

-Link: Hey, I never said anything!

-Sheik: Link....I can tolerate the fact that you always wear green skirts...

-Link: That's not a skirt, it's a tunic!!

-Sheik:...but if you're developing a bad taste in music on top of your lousy sense of fashion, I will be very upset!

-Saria: The only thing that's a sign of bad taste here is your outfit! Now let's go, we have no time to waste with such an ugly drag-queen!

(Saria drags Link away to the meeting of the archery club, ignoring any other mean remark that Sheik might throw at her. Once they have arrived at their destination, she opens the archery club meeting with the following words:)

-Saria: Allright, crew, as usual, the archery club is sure to be a big crowd-puller at the festival, considering that we have the two most hunky pretty-boys of our school as members, and....

-Falco: Just a minute, Saria! I won't have you telling such insulting lies! It's obvious that I am the most hunky pretty-boy of the school, whereas Link is only second in line to me, so don't put us on one accord! You shouldn't twist facts around!


-Saria: Must you always be so capricious? Anyway, we were thinking of having you two doing some shirtless target practice, which would surely attract loads of punters.....

-Falco: Now wait a second! I won't have a whole crowd of bimbos staring at me with no shirt on! What do you think I am, cheap or something?!

-Saria: Stop interrupting me! I was trying to say that we had decided against that idea after all, since our sponsor insists that you all wear T-shirts with his brand name printed on them. So keep your shirt on, okay? Heh heh heh, keep your shirt on, get it?

-Falco: Now that was really a bad pun....

-Link: I didn't know we had a sponsor...

-Saria: Well, we have! It's the Lon Lon Ranch dairy company! And there's more: We also have a new member to welcome today! And his name, what was it? Oh, I remember, his name is Kiddie Carlos!

-Kid Icarus: That's Kid Icarus.

-Saria: Oh, yes, sorry about that ^_^. There's still more, though. We'll also have a bow-and-arrow shooting gallery, and to make this years festival extra-special we will demonstrate for the first time in public, the amazing three secret treasures of the archery club! The fire arrow, ice arrow and light arrow! With all these assets on our side, our stand is sure to be a hit!

-Kid Icarus: I just hope she doesn't get my name wrong's embarrassing.

-Saria: No sweat! Your name is Kim Indoorsports, I can remember that! But there's something else that's a bit worrying. Link, those Lon Lon promo T-shirts we'll have to wear might not go well with your green skirt, so you might have to wear something normal for a change, okay?

-Link: Stop teasing me about that! I told you that it's a tunic!

-Kid Icarus: Maybe joining this archery club wasn't such a good idea after all.....

(There's one more club president who is energetically drilling his members for the festival: Yoshi. When it comes to the cooking club, Yoshi is so strict that he seems like a different person!)

-Yoshi: Allright, listen up, troops! Each year, it's the mission of the cooking club to organize the festival's catering! In other words: we supply the snacks. Private Kirby, stand to attention!

-Kirby: Yessir!

-Yoshi: At ease. Private Kirby, it is upon you that I place the heavy responsibility of the sweets and pastry. It's up to you to make sure that there are enough lollipops, pies, cupcakes and whatever other sugar-based snack you can prepare. I know it's a tough job, but you're a good soldier. I know you can do it.

-Kirby: Yes, mission acknowledged!

-Mario: (What is going on here??!)

-Yoshi: Private Kawasaki! Listen when I speak to you!

-Kawasaki: Uh...Yessir, General Yoshi, sir!

-Yoshi: Only you have the dexterity it takes to handle the oriental food stand. I'm entrusting this mission to you, so don't fail me!

-Kawasaki: Yessir, understood!

-Yoshi: Now for our latest recruit, private Mario.

-Mario: Yeah, what's up?

-Yoshi: Private Mario, is that a way to talk to your superior officer?!

-Mario: Yoshi, cut that army act out already! It's scary!

-Yoshi: I'm sorry private Mario, but food is a very serious matter! Now, your orders are to grace us with some of the cuisine of your natal country. In other words: you'll be in charge of an Italian food stand. It's up to you to provide pizza and pasta, and plenty of it!

-Mario: No problem, I can do that!

-Yoshi: One more thing, private Mario. Under any circumstance do not, I repeat do not eat any of the food from your own stand! Understood?!

-Mario: Of course that's understood! Who'd be so dumb as to eat the stuff they should sell?!

-Yoshi: (Well, it happened to me....) Private Mario, we can't take any chances! It's very easy to get carried away once you're out there! Now, we need someone to do the vegetarian food stand. Any volunteers?

-Mario: Man, I didn't know Yoshi was that serious about preparing food.

-Kirby: Well, president Yoshi just thinks of food as something very important that should be looked after with great care.

-Kawasaki: We mustn't let our noble-minded club president down!

(And so, the preparations go on, until that long-awaited day of the festival finally arrives)

=NOTE: Kawasaki is a pretty obscure Nintendo reference, so I thought I should explain: there's a sub-boss character in Kirby Super Star (SNES) who's called Cook Kawasaki. He also appears in the Samurai Kirby mini-game. I've been looking for opportunities to use more Kirby characters, and Kawasaki seemed to fit in just fine here. I put him in charge of the oriental food stand since Kawasaki is such an unmistakably Japanese name...=

Scene 2: The excitement of the festival! Welcome to our stand!

(On the morning of the festival day, all clubs are putting the finishing touches to their stands, and await the crowds. A large white truck with the Lon Lon logo on it pulls up next to the school building. A girl with long reddish-brown hair get out, heads towards the archery club's stand and addresses Saria with these words:)

-Malon: Um, excuse me....

-Saria: Yes? Oh, you're from the Lon Lon company?

-Malon: Yes, my name's Malon and I'm a representative from the company. I was sent here to help out with your stand.

-Saria: Really? That's very thoughtful of them! My name's Saria, I'm the club's manager.

-Malon: It's nice to meet you.

-Saria: That truck.....are those more supplies?

-Malon: Yes, that's right. Those boxes in the truck contain some things that you might want to use as prizes for your archery shooting gallery.

(Saria takes a look in one of the boxes in the truck, and a slightly disturbed look appears on her face)

-Saria: Are you sure it's a good idea to use those as prizes?

-Malon: Oh yes, they're very popular nowadays. And they're really cute, don't you think?

-Saria: Well, I don't know if plush Cuccos and stuffed Lon Lon cows match my idea of "cute" but I suppose we can trust you.

-Malon: There are also a few plush Epona horses.

-Saria: Great. Say, that brooch you're wearing....

-Malon: Oh, that...I always wear this brooch. It's very important to me.....

-Saria: Well, it's very pretty...but kinda spooky as reminds me of someone. I'm sure I've seen the face on that brooch somewhere before, but I can't remember exactly....oh well it's probably just a coincidence anyway.

-Malon: Yes....probably.....

(A few hours later, the festival has started and the school grounds are buzzing with visitors. Yoshi has teamed up with the members of the kendo club for extra profit. The members of the kendo club had decided that demonstrating their skill in swiftly cutting watermelons would be a great attraction. The neatly cut watermelons are then passed on to Yoshi, who sells them to thirsty passers-by. At first, the kendo club president, Meta Knight wasn't too mad about the idea, but Yoshi managed to convince him of the advantages it would offer)

-Yoshi: Heh heh heh, this little co-operation deal with the kendo club was a stroke of genius! Watermelon slices are selling like crazy, and I don't even have to cut them.

-Meta Knight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be amazed as the boys and girls of the kendo club will, with one swift movement of their blades cut this whole row of watermelons into perfectly equal parts! Yes, such is the speed and grace of the kendo club that the watermelons look like they split into four all by themselves! Give them a round of applause!

-Yoshi: The only problem is that the club president yells so much.....oh well, it's all in a days work for the president of the cooking club! I just hope my other club members managed to fins a good spot to sell their stuff...

=NOTE: If this whole watermelon thing seems wierd to you, let me explain: smashing up watermelons is some kind of popular party game with the Japanese. The idea is that you smash up the watermelon with one mighty blow of a kendo sabre. The watermelon then usually ends up smashed into lots of horrid little bits, but an expert should be able to slice the watermelon into neat halves in the blink of an eye......well, I think it's that way but maybe I got things slightly wrong....=

(Meanwhile, Mario, Kirby and Kawasaki had set up their stands in another area of the festival ground. The competition between Kirby and Kawasaki was fierce)

-Kirby: Lollipops, cupcakes, pies! Come and have some delicious sweets!

-Kawasaki: Don't listen to him! Sugar rots your teeth and ruins your figure! And it makes you hyperactive! Why not come and taste the delights of authentic oriental cuisine here? I have it all here: sushi, takoyaki, ramen noodles! And even those little squiggly things!

-Kirby: You mind your own business! And besides, sweets aren't bad for you! Eating sweets makes you feel happy! It's just when you pig out on them too much that you'll grow fat and ugly like you, Kawasaki!

-Kawasaki: Why you little...any more lip from you, and I'll hit you with my frying pan!

-Mario: Oh dear, those two are taking the idea of a food fight to the extreme....and they're so loud that they scare everyone away....looks like my Italian food stand is doomed.....

(but just as Mario was about to give up hope, his first customer showed up. Surprise! It was none other than his beloved Peach!)

-Peach: Oh, this stuff sure smells nice.....I had to skip breakfast this morning, so I'm starved. But there are so many food stands, and all the stuff they sell looks equally tasty...I just don't know what to choose!

-Mario: Uh, well, I know! Why don't you try some of our pizza, on the house of course! Here you go.

-Peach: Thanks, that's very nice of you.

-Mario: Hey, while you're at it, you might as well try the lasagna! And the linguini, the ravioli, you'll just love the ravioli, or the mozzarella....

-Peach: Mario, I can't afford to eat that much stuff.

-Mario: Oh, but there's no charge for you! It's all on the house! (Allright, way to go, Mario! They always say that the way to one's heart is through their stomach...or something...well, it's what mama mia always used to say, anyway.)

-Yoshi: Maaaaarioooooo, what do you think you're doing?! You can't give away food for free! I just knew that you were going to do something dumb!

-Mario: Yikes! Yoshi, what are you doing here?!

-Yoshi: As a responsible president, I have to inspect the stands. Mario, I think it would be better if you took a break for a while. I'll stay here and mind your stand while you're gone.

-Mario: Really? Thanks, Yoshi! But what about your watermelon stand?

-Yoshi: Don't worry, I found someone to stand in for me while I'm gone.

(Meanwhile, back at the watermelon stand)

-Meta Knight: What's taking Yoshi so long?! I'm the president of the kendo club, I can't stay here and sell his watermelons forever! I have other things to do! I should've never agreed to watch his watermelons for "just five minutes". Hmph, what a rip-off!

(Mario was looking for Peach on the festival ground. After a wile, he found her at the archery club's stand.)

-Mario: Hey, what's up here?

-Peach: They're about to show some kind of super secret special thing here. I really want to know what it is, don't you?

-Mario: Well, I guess so.

-Saria: Thank you for waiting, ladies and gentlemen! We're now ready to demonstrate the amazing three special treasures of the archery club! First, our newest member, the Kind Inca Rosse will...

-Kid Icarus: That's Kid Icarus! Don't ever get it right?!

-Saria: Um, yes, well, as I was saying, our newest member, whatever his name is, will now show you the power of the first secret treasure: the fire arrow! Hit it, Kip Intaros!

-Kid Icarus:....oh well, here it is! Fire arrow!!

(Icarus shoots a gleaming fire arrow into the bullseye of an arrow target. Cue lots of oooooing and aaaaahing from the crowd. The target then catches fire).

-Peach: Wow, did you see that? That arrow was really made of fire! It's amazing!

-Saria: The target's on fire, but please don't be alarmed. We have a very effective way of putting that fire out right here: our second treasure, the ice arrow, which will be demonstrated by yours truly: Lombardi Falco!

(Lots of shrieking and screaming from Falco's "groupies " in the crowd)

-Saria: Ready, Falco?

-Falco: I thought you'd never ask. Here goes, Freeze arrow!!

(A glowing blue ice arrow flashes through the flames, instantly turning them into a solid block of ice. More reactions from the crowd).

-Peach: That was awesome! The flames are frozen solid! And the arrow did that neat blue glowy thing! And he looked so cool shooting the arrow!

-Falco: Heh heh heh...Sometimes, I just amaze myself.....

-Saria: Falco, that should have been "Ice arrow", not "Freeze arrow".

-Falco: So what?! "Freeze arrow" sounds a lot cooler as an attack phrase! Don't think you can give me lessons on how to look cool!

-Saria: Oh, never mind....And now, ladies and gentlemen, the third secret treasure: an arrow so swift and powerful that it can shatter this newly-created huge block of ice: the light arrow!

Link, our club's captain will demonstrate this awesome item to you! Link, it's your turn now!

-Link: Yes, right away! Light arrow!!

(The light arrow crashes through the massive ice block, shattering it into loads of tiny shards)

-Saria: Behold: Instant icecubes! Amazing, huh? Don't forget to check out our shooting gallery as well. One play is just 5 gold coins, and there are some great prizes up for grabs, courtesy of the Lon Lon Ranch dairy company. Manage to score 25 points, and it will win you an adoooorable plush Cucco, 50 points means a super-cuddly stuffed Lon Lon cow, and the lucky one who gets 100 points will win the so-cute-it-could-kill-you plush Epona!

-Peach: Oh, those plush animals look so cute! Let's try to win some!

-Mario: Okay, wait up!

(As Mario and Peach dart off to the shooting gallery, the archers take a short break)

-Link: That all went pretty well, didn't it?

-Kid Icarus: Except that she got my name wrong in public, twice!

-Falco: That'll blow over. What's really disastrous are these promo T-shirts! They're way too un-trendy! I mean, look at this! You can't expect me to wear a shirt with a smiling cow's head and the words "Moo-Moo" printed on it all day long?! Maybe Saria's shirtless target practice idea wasn't so dumb after all.....

-Link: I agree with you on that subject. I feel a bit silly wearing this T-shirt with a fat Cucco printed on it.....

-Kid Icarus: You lot shouldn't complain, I'm the one stuck with a grinning pig printed on my shirt!

-Saria: But your shirt is so cute, Kit Hypnotus! It even has "Buhi Buhi" printed on it!

=NOTE: Buhi Buhi: Japanese equivalent of "oink oink". I think it sounds cute ^_^=

-Kid Icarus: Why does this always happen to me....why me?

-Saria: Why so sad? Did I say anything wrong?

-Falco: Look, I won't be back for about an hour. I suppose you'll manage not to accidentally set fire to the whole stand or something while I'm gone....

-Saria: Just a minute! Where are you going for a whole hour?!

-Falco: The annual school festival beauty contest is about to start, and I'm going to win it! Got a problem with that?

-Saria: No, actually, that gives me an idea: maybe I'll compete in the female category of the beauty contest!

-Falco: You? That must be a joke....

-Saria: No, I'm serious! Well, why not? After all, I am eternally young, and I have green hair!

-Falco: Well, do as you please. But first, I need to change out of this hopeless T-shirt and into something more glamorous. I can't show up at a beauty contest wearing this.

-Saria: Well, do as you please ^_^.

(At the shooting gallery, which was attended by Malon, Mario and Peach met Slippy).

-Peach: Oh, Slippy, you're here too?

-Slippy: Yes...I wanted to win a plush Cucco...but I couldn't hit any targets. It's so unfair!

-Peach: Oh dear, it sounds like it will not be as easy as I thought it would be to win some prizes....

-Mario: Don't worry, if you go judging by Slippy's standards, everything is difficult.

-Slippy: Everybody's so mean to me!

-Peach: Well, I'll give it a try anyway. Excuse me, miss, here's five gold coins for one play.

-Malon: Thank you very much. Here you go: you get ten arrows per play. Hit one of the easy targets for five points, and difficult ones for ten points. Good luck!

-Peach: Okay, here I go! Ah...yikes, it's not easy to aim properly with this thing.

(Peach uses up all het ten arrows, but ends up hitting only two targets)

-Malon: Only ten points. I'm afraid that's not good enough. Would you like to play again?

-Mario: I'll give it a go! Here's five coins, now let's have those arrows.

(Mario misses his first few shots, but as he slowly gets the hang of it, he manages to hit three 5-point targets. He now only has two arrows left...)

-Mario: Now, I need to hit either two easy targets or one hard one.....I'll go for a hard one...Rats! Missed it! Only one arrow left. I won't miss this time!

(With his last arrow, Mario does hit the difficult target, earning him the last ten points he needed to win a plush Cucco)

-Malon: That's 25 points! Well done, you win a plush Cucco!

-Slippy: Awwww, I'm jealous....

-Mario: Thanks. Well, here you go, Peach. I don't really need this Cucco, so I figured I might as well give it to you.....*blush*

-Peach: Thank you Mario! That's so sweet of you!

-Slippy: Now I'm really jealous! Why not give it to me? What does Peach have that I don't?

-Mario:...Well, that's pretty obvious, isn't it? And besides, you can try again to win one for yourself...

-Slippy: Well, I could if I hadn't blown all my pocket money on playing this dumb game already. This is such a rip-off!

-Peach: Oh, that happens all the time to me too. These little games are so addictive that I often spend fortunes playing them for no reason at all.

-Mario: Say, did you notice that that girl at the counter is wearing a brooch shaped exactly like Bowser's face?

-Peach; Really? Let's have a that you mention it, it does look a lot like Bowser...

-Malon: What's that? You say you know someone who resembles the face on this brooch?!

-Peach: Yes, they look alike like two drops of water.

-Malon: Well, who is he? Please, this is very important!

-Peach: His name's Bowser, and you might find him at the wrestling club stand.

-Malon: I must go find him this instant! Oh no, but I can't leave the shooting gallery unmanned....ah! I know! Hey you, the clumsy little kid!

-Slippy: Who are you calling clumsy, you cruel woman?!

-Malon: Could you mind this shooting gallery while I'm exchange for a free plush Cucco?

-Slippy: Deal! I'll do it!

-Malon: Good! I won't be long, I promise! Oh, and don't forget to wear a Lon Lon smiling cow T-shirt!

-Slippy: Smiling....cow...T-shirt? What is she talking about? Oh well, who cares, I got a plush Cucco after all! Cool!

-Peach: I wonder why she wants to find Bowser so badly?

-Mario: Maybe she wants revenge for a crime that Bowser committed against her in the past? Whatever it is, if Bowser's involved, it's bound to be something fishy. Maybe we should go with her to make sure nothing bad happens?

-Peach: Yes, we'd better go.

(However, Malon was long gone, and there was such a large crowd, gathered here to see the results of the beauty contest that it would be impossible for them to find her).

-Mario: This is hopeless, we'll never find her like this.

-Peach: Well, I suppose it's out of our hands. We might as well watch the beauty contest until she get back.

-Mario: Yeah, why not....Hey, that gives me an idea! Peach, you should enter the beauty contest! You have every chance of winning!

-Peach: Do you really think so? Allright then, I'll do it! You hold the plush Cucco while I'm competing, okay?

-Mario: Sure! Good luck!

(Malon had reached the wrestling club's stand in the meantime, but Bowser was nowhere to be found. She spoke to the wrestling club's president, King Dedede about it).

-Malon: Are you sure he's not here? He looks just like the face on this brooch!

-Dedede: Why, that's Bowser! Last time I saw him, he was leaving to see the results of the beauty contest. He should be there now.

-Malon: Oh, heck! I've got to get back to the beauty contest, and fast!

(At the beauty contest, Mario had spotted a familiar face in the crowd: Foxy was there too, along with Luigi)

-Mario: Well, I'm not surprised to see Luigi here, but I didn't figure Foxy to be the type to come and leer at girls at a beauty contest....

-Luigi: And just what do you mean by that?!

-Fox: It's honestly not what you think. Miss Aran wanted to enter the contest as well and told us to come here to cheer her on.

-Luigi: They're going to announce the results any minute now!

-Mario: I don't see why you're acting so excited. I mean, everyone knows that Falco will win the male category, and I'm pretty sure about who'll win the female category as well.

-Luigi: Huh? How would you know?

-Mario: Oh, just a feeling. Intuition if you will.

-Luigi: You're acting strange, Mario.

(As the results were about to be announced, Malon was still running over the festival grounds)

-Malon: "Bowser" must be in that crowd somewhere! I've got to find him! I must hurry!

Scene 3: A meeting determined by fate! Malon's secret revealed!

(Finally, the two winners will be announced by Birdo, the organizer of the beauty contest).

-Birdo: As you all know there are always two winners: one for the male category, and one for the female category. They will hold the titles of King and Queen of beauty! And now for the results! The winner of the male category is once again Lombardi Falco! That means he's held the title of King for four years in a row!

(Lots of excited reactions from the crowd)

-Birdo: Our female winner, this year's queen of beauty is a newcomer to our annual contest: Peach! Congratulations to both of you! Please come up on stage!

-Mario: Way to go, Peach! I knew you could do it!

-Crowd: Weeeee! Falco! Falco!!!!!!!

-Mario: Why do I even bother? With this crowd screaming like lunatics, she probably can't even hear me....

-Falco: Hmph, what a disappointment. Never once has there been a Queen who's beauty does justice to mine, and this dull girl is no exception.

-Mario: Grrr, that snob! I won't let him talk like that to Peach! Here, Foxy, you hold Peach's stuffed Cucco while I go and have a word with the biggest egomaniac in the world.

-Fox: Huh? Stuffed Cucco? Mario, where are you going??

(Mario jumps onto the stage as well and angrily glares at Falco)

-Mario: You! You called Peach a dull girl! You think you're really something, aren't you?!

-Falco: I don't think so, I know so. What's your problem anyway?

-Mario: My problem is that I won't have anyone talking like that about my Peach!

(At that moment, Bowser suddenly jumped on the stage as well. But he wasn't angry at Falco, instead he seemed hell-bent on turning Mario into a doormat)

-Bowser: That's quite enough, Mario! You have no right to call Peach yours! If you want to have her, you will have to fight for her!

-Falco: This is boring. I'm outta here.

(Falco gets off the stage and walks away through the crowd, casually addressing the following words to his friend Fox as he walks past him:)

-Falco: Hey, Foxy, cute Cucco.

-Fox: Ah! *blush* That's not mine! Oh no, I must look terribly silly holding this stuffed animal...

-Mario: Very well then, you want to fight, we'll fight! Prepare yourself, Bowser!!

-Crowd: Yaaay! A fight! Violence! Violence!

(But before they can start fighting, a third figure jumps onto the stage: Malon!)

-Malon: Bowser? You are Bowser?

-Bowser: Ummmm, well, yes, I am.

-Malon: You're really are Bowser!

-Bowser: What's it to you? And....why the heck are you crying like that?

-Mario: Hey, that's the girl from the shooting gallery. I bet she's crying because Bowser's ugly face frightened her!

-Malon: No, I'm crying because I'm so happy! Oh, Bowser, I finally found you! This is the most happy day of my life! It's wonderful! Fate is so beautiful, isn't it?

-Bowser: I don't understand what you're talking about....this is embarrassing.

-Malon: And you even have red hair, just like me! There can be no doubt about it! It has been decided by destiny itself that we will stay together forever, Bowser! Isn't it wonderful?

-Bowser: What?? What makes you think that?

-Malon: Look at this brooch I'm wearing...look closely, my dear Bowser.

-Bowser: Hey, that looks just like me...say, wait a minute, since when did I become "your" dear Bowser??!

-Malon: Since the day that I was born, that's when! This brooch is an ancient family heirloom. It belonged to my mother, and to my grandma before that. It's said that it is the destiny of the women of our family to seek the man shown on this brooch, and that the one who finds him will live happily with him for the rest of her life!

-Luigi: Oh, this is so touching, I think I'll cry....

-Samus: Luigi! Pull yourself together! A member of the space club doesn't cry!

-Fox: Oh, Miss Aran, you scared us! Too bad you didn't win the beauty contest.

-Samus: Foxy...what do you think you're doing? A member of the space club does not walk around holding huge plush chickens in his arms!

-Fox: But I'm telling you that it's not mine!!

-Samus: Ah, it's horrible, you two have disgraced the space club code of honor!

-Luigi: Excuse me, but you never told us about any code of honor....

-Yoshi: Well, Samus is like that. She often springs weird stuff on you.

-Luigi: Yoshi, you're here as well?

-Yoshi: Yup. I sold all my watermelons, so I had some time on my hands. Thought I might as well check this out, then...

-Luigi: Did you see what just happened with Malon and Bowser, then?

-Yoshi: Yes, I have. I tell you, this whole brooch story's fishy. It's probably an elaborate set-up by Bowser. I wouldn't be surprised if that brooch was some kind of junk bought from a Nintendo Power catalog....

-Fox: You're so cynical, Yoshi. What does it matter, that girl sure looks very happy.

-Malon: Bowser darling, let's get married right away! And we should have lots of children! How does seven children sound to you, my Bowsie-Wowsie?

-Roy: Excuse me , lord Bowser, it's me, Roy, Little Koopa number five. I've come to ask on behalf of all your seven flunkies if this means that our illustrious leader is leaving us...If you are going away, sir, please don't forget us...maybe you could name some of your seven kids after us as a memento of our undying loyalty?

-Bowser: What? What?? I never said anything about leaving! Look, sister, we're still in high school! We're too young to get married!

-Malon: You're so right, my Bowsy! Let's enjoy our carefree youth together! And I'll stay right here with you until it's time to get married!

-Crowd: Yaaay! Allright, Malon! Applause!

-Malon: Oh, thank you, everyone!

-Bowser: Good heavens, what should I do?

-Samus: Awwwww, isn't that a sweet couple? Just look at how happy Bowser is looking!

-Yoshi: If you ask me, that's a look of sheer terror on Bowser's face....

-Mario: Nah, the sheer terror was what he felt when he was about to fight me. But under these circumstances, I think it's better not to fight for a while. Let's just leave the happy couple for now, okay?

-Samus: That would be the best thing to do. And besides, we need to get our spacecraft ready for launch, and select a pilot!

-Peach: Wow, so you'll really lauch a craft into orbit?

-Samus:Yup, that's just what we'll do. Why don't you and Mario come and watch us?

-Peach: Sure, I'd love that!

-Fox: Peach, I believe this stuffed Cucco is yours...

-Peach: Oh, thanks for minding it while I was gone!

-Fox: Phew, I'm glad to be rid of that weird thing.

-Samus: Okay, let's go to our stand and get ready to head into space!

Scene 4: Prepare for blast-off! An exciting venture into space!

(At the space club stand, a large crowd of small children was gathered)

-Peach: What are all these kids doing here?

-Fox: They're probably here to see our "special guest", Captain Falcon.

-Peach: Oh, he's that guy from the Saturday morning superhero show. Why invite him to the space club stand, though? That doesn't seem to make sense.

-Luigi: Well, he used to be an F-Zero pilot, and president Aran figured that it'd be a good idea to have a celebrity at our stand.

-Fox: But we're not so sure if that really was such a smart move....

-Crowd of kids: Yay! Captain Falcon is here!

-Captain Falcon: That's right, I'm the champion of justice, the alien superfighter Captain Falcon! Ta-daaaa!

-Fox: I'm beginning to think that he only accepted to be at our stand so that he could do his silly poses in public....he must get a kick out of that.

-Yoshi: Well, you know how actors are.

-Samus: Toad, Dr. Stewart, how's the craft coming along?

-Toad: We're all finished here. As soon as we have a pilot, it'll be ready for launch.

-Dr. Stewart: That's not entirely true. There's still one very important thing we need to do.

-Toad: And that would be.....?

-Dr. Stewart: We need to give this craft a funky paint job!

-Toad: Is that really very important?

-Dr. Stewart: Yes! Don't you know how much difference that can make? I say we make the craft pink with little stars on it!

-Toad: You just be joking! It'd look much better in green with little smiley faces on it!

-Dr. Stewart: You have no taste at all! Anyone can see that what this craft needs is a blue paint job with little rabbits on it!

-Toad: No, it should be purple with little ribbons on it!

-Samus: Well, while you two solve that little problem, we'll run some tests on our club members to see who will do best as a pilot.

(Luigi is the first one to be tested. While the others watch him, Samus is looking more and more impressed)

-Samus: Amazing....he's never been in an entry plug before, and yet his synch ration is well over 50%! And there are hardly any errors in the neural feedback system!

-Fox: Miss Aran, that sounds like something from a wrong've been watching too much TV again, haven't you?

-Samus: All I'm trying to say is that Luigi is doing very well! He'll be our pilot! Hey, Luigi! Congratulations, you have been chosen as our pilot!

-Luigi: What?? No, I don't want to go! It's too scary! I'm too young to die!

-Samus: Don't make any difficulties! We've got to launch our craft in ten minutes!

-Luigi: But I don't want to pilot it, and you can't force me to do so!

-Mario: Okay, if my wimpy bro won't do it, I will.

-Samus: You??

-Mario: Yes, think about it. If we're brothers, we should both have approximately the same synch ratios....uh, I mean piloting abilities!

-Samus: Well, I'm not sure. Do you have any kind of experience with this sort of thing?

-Mario: I got all the gold medals on Pilotwings 64!

-Samus: Great! You're in! Mario will be our pilot!

(From a distance, Wario had been watching everything. He grinned nastily upon hearing those last words).

-Wario: So, Mario will pilot a spacecraft, huh? That sounds like my big chance! I must hurry while those two dopes are still arguing over the craft's paint job!

(A few minutes later, Mario was installed in the craft's cockpit. All the controls had been explained to him, and he would blast off in just a few minutes)

-Fox: Miss Aran, I'm really not sure if we should let an untrained person fly this.

-Samus: Well, it's either that or look stupid in front of this whole crowd! Remember, we have to deliver the goods no matter what! The honor of the space club is at stake here! Toad, can you guarantee me that this thing'll fly?

-Toad: Absolutely. Everything has been double-checked and is running fine. It'll fly, allright.

-Dr. Stewart: It just would've looked better if it had been painted cyan with little ducks on it...

-Fox: Don't you two start that again....

-Yoshi: Mario, don't you dare not survive this flight! You still have loads of food to left to sell! If you die now, the cooking club will lose loads of potential profit! But if you make it, everyone will be dying to taste the food prepared by the now famous pilot! So don't screw up, got that?!

-Luigi: Yoshi, you're so greedy! Mario, you don't have to do this, you know...

-Mario: No sweat, Luigi, I'll be fine. It's just a little joy-ride in a spaceship.

-Luigi: You never take anything seriously, do you? Oh, and Mario....if you should die....

-Mario: Luigi....

-Luigi: If you die....could I have your Pokémon trading cards?

-Mario: Doh! Luigi! Don't make fun of the situation!

-Luigi: But you have a very rare Nyath double prism card!

-Peach: ...Mario? Please be careful, okay?

-Mario: Sure!

(Meanwhile, Samus addresses the crowd of spectators with a microphone. The crowd was even larger than she had expected. It seemed like the whole school was gathered there!)

-Samus: Laydeeees aaaaand gentlemeeeen! This is it: the highlight of this year's festival! The moment you've all been waiting for! The flight of our home-made spacecraft into Earth orbit and back! Our pilot is a brave new student called Mario!

(Yoshi then quickly grabbed the microphone)

-Yoshi: Mario also runs an Italian food stand in the east section of the festival ground. Come and check it out for a delicious snack after the launch!

-Samus: Give me that! Aherm, yes, sorry about that interruption. Anyway, we're now ready to start the countdown! 10......

-Toad: Mario, please don't wreck my spacecraft...


-Fox: Mario...don't die now....


-Falco: That Mario kid...he sure has guts. It's rare that someone has the courage to talk to me the way he did after the beauty contest. It'd be a shame if he died....

-Fox: Oh, Falco, you're here too?


-Yoshi: Mario, you mustn't die! The cooking club depends on you!


-Slippy: Mario...I wish I could become as brave as you are. If you survive this, I promise that I won't cry anymore!


-Saria: I just hope that that weird spacecraft won't crash into the crowd and kill us all...


-Dr. Stewart: Please bring the craft back safely, Mario, so we can paint it orange with little cows on it....


-Malon: Mario, I also owe it to you that I have found the love of my life, so please don't die...


-Luigi: Don't die, Mario! If you'd die, I'll have nobody left to play Killer Instinct against!


-Peach: *holding the stuffed Cucco* Please come back safely, Mario....

-Samus:...0!! Lift-off!

(With a deafening roar, the craft shoots out onto the launch pad, and lifts off into the sky!)

-Samus: Yes!! He did it! He's flying!

-Toad: We should be able to contact Mario with the craft's built-in communications device.

-Luigi: Really? Let's try it! Mario? Come in, Mario...Mario, can you hear me? Oh no, he's not responding!

-Yoshi: That's not surprising, Luigi, you're talking to a can of spray paint! Peach has got the comms device, over there!

-Peach: Mario, can you hear me?

-Mario: This thing is going so fast! My teeth are turning into jelly and my eyeballs are sinking into my feet!

-Peach: How horrible....

-Samus: When leaving the Earth's atmosphere, there's a huge amount of air pressure. That's what's making Mario feel weird. It'll be over soon.

-Mario: Ah, it slowed down. Hey! I'm in space! I made it!

-Everyone: All right!! He did it!!

-Mario: This is great, I can even see my house form up here!

-Luigi: Silly old Mario....

-Samus: Peach, tell him to head back now. He doesn't have unlimited fuel, you know.

-Peach: But can't he press up, up, down, down, left, right, A, B and start to get endless fuel supplies?

-Samus: He could if this was Gradius, but his craft is modeled after an F-Zero machine.

-Yoshi: Too bad nobody knows the big F-Zero cheat by heart....

-Mario: Guys, I'm heading back now. Prepare the welcoming committee!

-Luigi: I think I can already see Mario's craft up there!

-Samus: Yup, that's it...but it shouldn't be going this fast when it's so close to landing....Mario, lower your speed!

-Mario: I'm trying to, but it's not working! It doesn't accept the brake command!

-Dr. Stewart: I knew we should've gone with another paint job!

-Luigi: Who cares about the paint job?! If Mario can't use the brake he'll crash! What should we do?!

-Kid Icarus: Looks like I'll have to interfere here...

(Icarus then unfolds his wings and flies towards the speeding craft)

-Saria: No way, that guy has got wings??

-Link: You couldn't tell because they where concealed by the grinning pig T-shirt...

(Icarus flies towards the craft, kicks open the cockpit and gets Mario out. He then heads back, carrying Mario).

-Luigi: Look, here comes back again! And he's got Mario!

-Kid Icarus: I managed to get the pilot out. He's okay, I think.

-Mario: Stars, pretty stars, lots of little pretty stars....

-Kid Icarus: He's just a bit dizzy, that's all.

-Samus: Well, Mario's saved, but at this rate, the craft will crash into the school building and cause massive damage!

-Wario: *whispering* Uh oh, that wasn't the idea. I just sabotaged the brakes to kill Mario, not blow up the whole place.

-Fox: What should we do now?

-Slippy: I know, I know! Let's quickly move the school building somewhere else!

-Yoshi: Don't make a suggestion unless you're sure it's a good one......

-Crowd of kids: Don't worry, Captain Falcon will save us with his special powers! He can use the Falcon Twirly Bleeping Thingy attack!

-Captain Falcon: I'm afraid those are just special effects. There's nothing I can do.

-Crowd of kids: What a rip-off!

-Samus: Looks like that's the end for Nintendo High....

-Toad: Maybe not. We could shoot the craft down with the three special arrows. If the blast's strong enough, the craft will explode in mid-air and not harm anyone!

-Samus: Yes, that's it! But are you sure that those arrows will do the trick?

-Toad: They'll have to fire them all three at a time, and at maximum strength.

-Saria: Don't worry, they're well capable of that, right boys?

-Falco: Of course we are, that's easy!

-Link: With the whole building at stake, we can't afford to fail.

-Kid Icarus: There's no other way, we'll do it.

-Toad: Great! Stand the arrows now!

-Kid Icarus: Fire arrow!! Maximum strength!

-Falco: Freeze arrow!! Full power!

-Link: Light arrow!! With all my might!

(The three arrows cross paths in mid-air and combine into one, super-powerful combo arrow that blows the craft to bits!)

-Saria: Awesome! You did it, guys, you did it!!

-Falco: I could've done it on my own....

-Fox: Yeah, sure ^_^. Say, are you okay, Falco? You look a bit tired...

-Falco: I'm fine, you go look after Mario.

-Peach: Guys, Mario is coming to! Mario, are you okay?

-Mario: I feel kinda hungry....

-Peach: You're so silly...but I sure am glad that you're alive. What would I've done if you had died?

-Luigi: Mario! You're safe! You made it! I'm so happy!

-Captain Falcon: That was awesome! This young guy flew a craft all by himself! If he can do that, then I'm sure that I can win the next F-Zero grand prix! Captain Falcon is going back into the race! No more Saturday morning TV for me! What about you, Stewart, wouldn't you like to enter the F-Zero races again?

-Dr. Stewart: You bet! At least I can choose a good paint job there!

-Captain Falcon: Allright then, let's do it!

-Yoshi: This calls for a celebration! Let's party!

-Everyone: Yes!!

(While the students celebrate Mario's success and the saving of their school by the three heroic -and cool-looking- archers, Link contemplates the festival ground from a distance)

-Link: Well, looks like everything turned out just fine after all....Sheik, I know you're around here. You can come out now.

-Sheik: Link, there's something very important I need to ask you. Do you think my warp songs are boring?

-Link: Huh? No, not at all, they're nice and....

-Saria: Hey! Have you guys seen Kid Icarus?! I was looking all over for him!

-Kid Icarus: Over here! You finally got my name right!

-Saria: Oh, yes, so I did. Well, it had to happen someday.

-Link: Looks like things end well for everyone this time ^_^

-Sheik: Yes......


Preview of the next episode:

Nintendo High's new principal, Mr. Peppy Hare is respected for his kindness and honesty, so when mysterious terrorists kidnap him, the whole school comes flying to the rescue of their most beloved teacher! It's the next episode: save our teacher!