Episode 4: "Mario's Magic Carpet"


Mario and co. are traveling through the desert in search of the fabled lamp of Aladdin, which they plan to use against Koopa's nasty schemes. The heat is playing hell on them, so they are obviously overjoyed when they suddenly see a swimming pool. Without stopping to think that a five-star swimming pool in the middle of an otherwise-empty desert is a bit odd, they all jump in. However, this swimming pool is really -shock!- a well-disguised trampoline, which sends them flying into a castle with -get this- a flip-off roof. The probability of such a scheme ever working out in real life is of 57,302,065 against 1 (I've checked), but the pervy sultan who owns the palace where our heroes have just landed actually states that this trick has worked several times. This sultan then orders to have Mario and co. chucked into prison, and adds "but bring me the pretty one". Swine. They bring him the Princess, even though it's obvious that he was really thinking of Luigi. While the others are being led to the prison, they spot the famous lamp, lying out in the open with just a plate of glass protecting it.

In three seconds and six milliseconds, they break out of the prison and rip off the lamp. Meanwhile, the sultan, who is still disgruntled at getting the Princess instead of Luigi, decides to sell the Princess to the highest bidder (and keep Luigi to himself). This bidder arrives sito presto in the shape of Koopa.

Mario, Luigi and Toad have succeeded in getting the genie out of her lamp. Trouble is, she's a cranky old bag who can't even cast a magic spell correctly. Instead, she messes up and casts a "magic smell". This, of course, is of no use whatsoever, and Koopa gets the Princess in return for 30 kilos of pure cocaine. He immediately proceeds to take a joyride with her in a flying-carpet/Oldsmobile hybrid of a vehicle, no doubt with sinister things in mind (you know what they say about men who drive big flying carpet/Oldsmobile hybrids). Mario and the others are unable to keep up with Koopa's vehicle, especially since the genie's magic fails miserably to make them fly. The only option left, then is to "check out one of those used-carpet salesmen". Either that or beat an old lady to death and steal her car instead. A mere two seconds, four milliseconds later, they're comfortably installed in a fully-functional Mercedes-Benz flying carpet (comes with air conditioning, Dolby surround car radio and built-in telephone. It's obvious that they've gone for the rob-an-old-lady's-car option). They gradually catch up with Koopa's car, and in order not to get noticed, Toad shakes the carpet, thus creating a badly-drawn cloud of dust which doubles up as a smoke screen and full power AT field. The genie sneezes and the smoke screen is ruined. Koopa is well aware of the presence of Mario and co, and decides that, on second thoughts, he would also have preferred Luigi over the Princess, so he dumps her in a pit of quicksand. Mario and the others pull her out, but Koopa has sent his Pidgits after them, and the nasty birds are busily nibbling their carpet. But then, in an unsuspected and wildly surprising turn of events (Evangelion is tame compared to this), Luigi remember that he can "speak Pidgit" (it had slipped his mind due to all the XTC he had at a rave-up last night). It's not such a difficult language, seeing as how it consists of only one word, but oh well....Luigi: "Pidgit, pidgit, pidgit". Translation: "Pssst, there's LSD hidden in Koopa's carpet!". A pidgit: "Pidgit, pidgit, pidgit". Translation: "Whoa! Gimme, gimme gimme!". The whole flock of Pidgits immediately dart off and start to munch on Koopa's carpet instead. And just for good measure, the complaining genie is dumped in his car as well. This time I do feel sorry for him.

  • Toad finally has correct colors.
  • You get to see Koopa driving (Uhm...so what?).
  • The pidgit are kind of cute.
  • The plot is full of immense stupidity
  • The new characters are mostly a huge pain in the bum.
  • That bit with the swimming pool.....I'm stunned.
  • The ending's immensely lame.
  • Loads of hopelessly misplaced attempts at wit.
The story was written by a gorilla on crack, the animation is not too spectacular, and there are so many hopelessly lame ideas and inconsistencies that this is simply embarrassing to watch. A prime example of how to do things totally wrong.

EPISODE RATING: 1.0/5.0 (and I'm being generous)

Some supposedly hunky movie star (aged 85) is coming to lunch at Mario and Luigi's place (their house is a magnet for dodgy celebrities of all kinds, somehow). Trouble is, Mario has blabbed about this to their overly affectionate nieces, and said nieces are now on their way to harass the unsuspecting movie actor. Mario and Luigi are none too pleased about this (they want to keep the actor guy for themselves, I suppose. Do they have bad taste or what?). While Mario and Luigi are away, the actor guy shamelessly breaks into their house and is assaulted by Mario and Luigi in drag, who dart off again as soon as they spot another, even more "irresistible" bloke. The actor guy is heartbroken.