Episode 2: "King Mario of Cramalot"

CARTOON SUMMARY

Mario and co. travel to the land of Cramalot to find the fabled magician Mervin, who will hopefully be a helpful ally against Koopa. No sooner have they arrived than they are attacked by a group of badly-animated Beezos. Panic all round, until they are saved by none other than the elusive Mervin, who takes them to his lofty three-piece apartment (complete with oooh, two pieces of furniture) and explains how Koopa has taken over the throne of Cramalot after the old king died. Actually, he doesn't explain, it just happened. My guess is that Koopa won the elections by making false promises about improved medical facilities and free Sailor Moon trading cards and that Mervin's too embarrassed to admit that the people fell for it.

Anyway, to become the legitimate king, one must pull a sacred golden plunger from a sink in the middle of the town (my knowledge of politics is strictly zero, but something tells me this is a bit far-fetched). Mario immediately pulls the plunger from the sink in front of the entire population of Cramalot (a measly three figurants), only to have it ripped off straight away by Koopa who then chucks him and the others into his prison. You'll notice, by the way, that Koopa absolutely always puts them into a prison instead of attempting to kill them on the spot. Maybe he's got a thing with handcuffs and bondage as well as with feet? Either that or he's very slow on the uptake. Or both. Inside the prison, the situation soon turns to disaster: the ceiling comes down, the room fills with water, and the release of the latest Ranma 1/2 videotape gets delayed. Mervin pops by and rescues them from these terrors (including the crap directing) by teleporting them to a swampy area, where Mario is given the saint plumbers' snake Excalibur (the Holy Handgrenades were temporarily out of stock), which gives him his transformation.

Time to storm Koopa's castle, then. After Luigi succeeds in jumping over the Trouter-infested moat (Luigi was chosen instead of the powered-up Mario for this task because he would very probably fall in, thus giving the others the chance to swim past while the Trouters were devouring Luigi. Probably.), the full-frontal attack against Koopa is launched. "To heck with believable attack tactics, let's just storm an entire castle with only five people!". Surprisingly, it works, and after a bit of dueling, the Plunger of Oblivion is knocked out of Koopa’s hands and he buggers off through a warp zone. As a little final scene, Mario is offered the title of king of Cramalot, but he refuses when he finds out about the inflation rate and the growing number of suicides in Cramalot. Actually, that's a lie. He declines the offer because a king must, apparently be in great shape and have a superbly sleek and sexy figure (it's a tough job...), and Mario hates the idea of dieting and exercising. Same here. Mervin is then crowned king, even though he has a figure like a disused coffee dispenser. I told you politics were freaky.....