Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!
|-Mario: Hold it! You may not pass! This is a restricted
area! Can't you see, you mad fool?! This is the Super Mario Brothers'
Freaky Show, for farty's sake!
Episode 18 - The Wrong Warp
Plumber's log, Missing Number. We had traveled to the Whatever Kingdom to look for Some Much-Rumoured Dude to help us in our struggle against Koopa. Along the way, we shamelessly ripped off the concept of a beloved pop-culture classic and proceeded to brutally rape every imaginable orifice of said classic. We also got into some really lame, unexciting quasi-action scenes, made a lot of terribly dumb puns at inappropriate moments and even had a cack insert song by some tacky eighties has-been doodling along while we did some pointless wimpy running! And now, this completely predictable formulaic romp was about to culminate in a lame cop-out confrontation with Koopa at his castle...
Fade in to an outside view of your usual somewhat-sinister Koopa castle. Cut to a wide shot of a hallway inside said castle littered with dead Goombas and Koopa Troopas. At the end of this carnage-stained hallway are some steps leading to Koopa's throne room. Inside this throne room, Koopa's remaining forces are making their last stand against Mario and co. We see a quick shot of Mario swinging Luigi around and lashing out with his weapon. This blow ends up hitting Lakitu squarely in the chest area, and he is flung backwards by the impact. Lakitu smashes into one of the throne room's walls and sinks to the ground, unconscious. A handful of bricks clatters to the ground, loosened from the wall by the force of Lakitu's impact. A violently trembling Fryguy is standing close to the spot where Lakitu crashed into the brick wall. Big tears start to well up in Fryguy's eyes, and his agitated breathing turns to uncontrollable wheezing when Mario's menacing shadow closes in on him. Mario, Yoshi and Toad are looming over the defenseless Fryguy. Fryguy looks around in panic. He then quickly picks up one of the bricks that fell loose where Lakitu hit the wall, and knocks himself unconscious with said brick. A look of disappointment flashes over Mario's face. He then angrily turns around and faces Koopa, who is standing with Mouser at the other end of the throne room. For the enthusiasts, let it be pointed out that Koopa is wearing an absolutely darling black spiky codpiece, a feathered Native American headdress and a cow skull on a string around his neck.
-Mario: You greasy pervert! You've spread terror and misery all over this once-peaceful kingdom like a big layer of manure! You've enslaved and mistreated the innocent inhabitants, and you've done unspeakable things to various waterfowl while nobody was looking!
-Koopa: Eh? How did you know about the waterfowl?
-Mario: Say your prayers, Koopa! My fist of justice is going to make you pay for your crimes!
-Mouser: You'll have to get past me first! And I'll fashion earplugs out of your testicles before I let you lay a finger on my Lord Koopa, you steamy heap of dung!
-Mario: Uh-oh. I had forgotten about the rat guy...
-Mouser: Now you're really asking for it! Kill, kill!
-Koopa: No, wait! You can't, Mouser!
-Mouser: Huh? Why not? I could purée Mario and his sad lot even if I had both my hands glued to my buttocks. So why not?
-Koopa: Ahh yes... That's because this is the moment where I create a door with a warp potion and... err... cunningly escape at the last possible second.
-Mouser: That's lame! Why would you do that? My grandma's neighbour's sister's cactus could take these guys!
-Koopa: Because... well, ah... just because, okay?! It says so in that urine-soaked script of ours! Now, I did bring a warp potion with me somewheres...
Koopa energetically begins to rummage around in a girlie leather handbag that he has with him. He searches through the handbag's contents for a good few minutes. In the process, he pulls a little squeaky rubber toy animal, a soggy tomato, an egg whisk, a severed head, a pair of underpants, a pair of strawberry-print underpants, a pair of strawberry-print underpants with lacey frills on the side and a live calamari out of his handbag, all of which he flings away over his shoulder before finally finding the warp potion. He then triumphantly holds this potion aloft.
-Koopa: There it is! The warp potion! With this, I will make an unexpected, lightning-speed last-ditch escape, in a very dynamic and suspenseful fashion! ...except that this bottle of warp potion has one of those godforsaken childproof bottlecaps that nobody can open! I wish they wouldn't do that all the time.
-Mouser: Lord Koopa, this has already taken us ages. Isn't Mario gonna, like, do anything to try and stop you?
-Koopa: Nah. We have all the time in the world. They never so much as flinch while I do this whole warp potion shebang. They're all stoned or something, I dunno. Anyway, it's all in that urine-soaked script of ours, y'know. We should be okay, so long as I can get the bloody cap off this bottle. Come on, come on...
An irritated Koopa fumbles with the bottlecap for a little while, even trying to force the cap off by clutching it between his teeth. This, however, still doesn't get him any further.
-Koopa: Of all the stupid, excrement-craving things in the world! I think I just scratched a molar on that damned bottlecap!
-Mouser: Here, let me try...
-Koopa: Out of the question! I know what you'd do, you'd just pulverize the whole bottle through brute force. Let's just try to do this properly, by following the instructions on the bottle's label. Now, it says here, that to open the child-proof safety bottlecap, you should hold the bottle in your left hand, tilted at an angle of exactly 45 degrees and gently tap out 'piss off' in Morse code with your index finger on the top of the bottlecap, while the thumb and middle finger of your right hand should be inserted loosely into your anal orifice... Right... Ehm, I don't know if that's gonna work, but it does sound kinda fun!
-Mouser: Well, I think it's all a bunch of crap! Gimme that!
Having lost his patience, Mouser snatches the bottle from Koopa's hands and uses a controlled tap of his pinkie finger to apply just the right amount of force to shatter the bottlecap while leaving the bottle itself unharmed. He then hands the bottle back to Koopa, who takes it with an approving nod. Koopa just quickly checks his reflection in a little vanity mirror from his handbag. Deciding that it's decent enough for warp-door travel, even if he would have liked a subtler shade of rouge, he then prepares to use the warp potion, but is suddenly overtaken by a violent coughing fit. With a worried Mouser patting him on the back, Koopa gradually overcomes his coughing attack, which fades with some drawn-out wheezes. Now that all's clear, Koopa finally chucks the potion to the ground, where it generates a cloud of vaguely puce-coloured smoke and blurbs out the classic warp noise upon impact. Koopa then turns the knob and opens the door, but suddenly stops, gravely startled. He runs back from the door and quickly collects all the objects he has pulled out of his handbag and flung around the room a while ago. The live calamari seems to have gotten stuck in a crack in the floor, but Koopa manages to wedge it loose with some effort. With all his possessions finally stored in his handbag again (the bag's zipper doesn't close too smoothly, so he takes some time to fumble with that as well), Koopa is now ready to leisurely stroll through the open warp door, with Mouser following behind. Mouser still turns around to make a grotesque face at Mario and the others before closing the door behind him. The door then vanishes into thin air.
The screen then cuts to a shot of Mario and the others, who have done bugger all during this whole time. They continue to stare as if transfixed for a little while, until Yoshi farts. This stirs Mario back into action. He clenches his fists and raises them skywards.
-Mario: Noooohhh!!! Koopa got away! I was so close, but in the blink of an eye, that bastard escaped! And it all happened so terribly fast! I never even saw it coming! Now who am I supposed to beat up on?!
-Toad: Don't worry, Mario, there's still Lakitu and Fryguy, knocked out cold. Plenty to beat up there.
-Mario: Oh yeah, great idea! Let's scar them for life! We'll punch all their teeth out!
-Mario: We'll pull all their limbs off!
-Mario: And then we'll gang-rape them!
-Mario: All right, maybe not... But I will make them suffer something terrible! Such are the ways of true justice!
With a deranged, bloodthirsty grin twitching all over his face, Mario then turns to the corner where Lakitu and Fryguy are lying, defenseless... or so he thought. Before he can even take a step Lakituwards, a spiked ball zips through the air and slams itself right into Mario's face. A panic-stricken Mario tugs at the spiked ball embedded in his face while the camera cuts to Lakitu. He has recovered his spirits and clambered to his feet again. With the still-unconscious Fryguy slung over his shoulder, Lakitu quickly fishes out a warp potion of his own and throws it to the ground. In the resulting cloud of smoke plus warp noise, the shape of a door that rapidly opens and closes can vaguely be glimpsed before the smoke clears up, after which Lakitu and Fryguy have well and truly instantly vanished. A few seconds later, Mario manages to free himself of the spiked ball that was covering his face. It comes off with a loud pop noise, with the spikes leaving several large punctures in Mario's cranium from which blood generously gushes forth. Mario looks around, utterly bewildered.
-Mario: Wha... what the hell just happened? This was never in our urine-soaked script!
Fade out and cut to a wide view of a dense jungle. Cut to a shot of a large tree in said jungle. Suddenly, the classic warp noise resounds again, and a tell-tale bright red door materializes in the trunk of this tree, at about 2/3 of the way up. The door swings open and Lakitu confidently steps out. However, since there is no solid ground underneath his feet immediately outside of the warp door, he tumbles all the way down to the ground with Fryguy. The branches of the thick jungle foliage break their fall several times so that no serious injuries are suffered by either of them, but Lakitu does land face-forward in a pile of indescribably hideous muck on the floor which several buzzing flies were feasting on before. Fryguy, snapped out of his unconsciousness by this has no idea what has just happened, but does find all of it terribly scary, and reacts by belting out a loud, girlish yell. In response to this, several shadowy figures spring forth from the bushes surrounding Lakitu and Fryguy, and menacingly point lances at the two. Lakitu looks up from the dung-heap where his face was buried to see sharp, rusty steel prongs pointing at him. He can make out lance-toting figures as they close in, tightening a circle they had formed around him and Fryguy. It flashes through Lakitu's mind that something has gone awfully wrong, but before he can further contemplate this, his vision goes blurry...
When he regains consciousness, he has no idea of how much time has passed. He can't tell whether it's night or day, but wherever he is, it's dark, he is somehow hanging upside-down, his every limb aches, and he feels clammy globs of the muck he fell into still crusted onto his face. Some sobbing noises not too far away indicate Fryguy's presence nearby. With a creaking noise, a door suddenly swings open and lets in some bleak light. This at first hurts Lakitu's eyes, but they adjust themselves to the light, and he's able to make out that he is suspended upside-down by his ankles from the ceiling of what looks like a primitive straw hut. He also notices that Fryguy's sobbing is coming from a small cage made out of bamboo in a corner of said hut. Before he can further contemplate his situation, however, more lance-toting figures enter the hut, led by one taller figure. Despite hanging upside-down and having less than optimum vision, Lakitu can make out the lance-bearers as Shy Guys, and the taller figure as a member of the Birdo race. This particular Birdo has scales of a dark yellow colour and wears a kind of improvised armour made out of clamshells and bamboo, topped with a large, spiraling conical shell on its head, presumably to serve as a helmet. Remembering the Birdo race's penchant for androginity and cross-dressing, Lakitu decides that it's impossible to tell whether this particular Birdo is male or female. This does not change when the shell-capped Birdo points a spear at Lakitu and addresses him with a voice that could belong to either a man or a woman.
-Birdo: You! What do you know about the Acrylic Kingdom?
-Lakitu: Wha...? Ehm, it's a small nation on the Eastern continent, bordering on that continent's largest mountain range. It's kinda cut off from the world, blocking off contact with other nations via what you could call an iron curtain, but most people suppose they have vast natural resources and are secretly developing all sort of creepy illegal stuff and maintain a massive arsenal of weapons. That pretty much covers what anyone knows. What're you, a geography teacher?
-Birdo: Don't try to bullshit me, I'm the one asking questions!
-Lakitu: But I really don't know any more than that. Both of us have absolutely no idea where we are or what's going on here!
-Birdo: Hm, so you're just two poor schmucks who ran outta luck. That's pretty much everyone's life story here...
For a moment, a softer expression washes over the Birdo's stern face, and he/she eventually begins to untie the knots in the rope that is suspending Lakitu. However, he/she interrupts this when Fryguy manifests himself with loud whining from his little cage.
-Fryguy: It's all true, we're really not scary people! Honest! We're no spies or murderers or stuff like that, so please lemme outta here! I'm just a lowly average soldier in the Koopa army... and not a very good one at that...
-Birdo: What? Soldiers?!
-Lakitu: Fryguy, you idiot!
-Birdo: That changes everything. I can't just give you the benefit of the doubt now. We'll have to let our leader decide what we'll do to you.
The Birdo motions with his/her hand to the Shy Guys standing by in the background. They cut the rope that was suspending Lakitu from the ceiling, and he smacks to the ground. They untie his feet, but tie a chain around his waist in return and drag him out of the hut by this chain. The Birdo follows behind, carrying the cage containing Fryguy in his/her hand. As they exit the darkened hut, a primitive village built around a set of rickety platforms and walkways up in the lushly-covered branches of some large trees is revealed to Lakitu and Fryguy's eyes. Some glances around show that the huts are built mostly from bamboo, straw and caked mud, though some discarded industrial barrels, rusty corrugated iron and decaying rubber tires make up patches of the village as well. Shy Guys make up most of the indigenous population, with a dash of Ninji and Tweeter birds scuttling about as well. The villagers that are around busy themselves with several menial tasks, such as fashioning more improvised spears, tending to dilapidated parts of the platform structure on which the village rests, or carrying stacks of freshly-picked fruit and bamboo to storage areas. While Lakitu is still being dragged forward on his chain, he can shout some remarks over his shoulder to the yellow Birdo.
-Lakitu: So, wait a minute, you're not the one in charge of this place?
-Birdo: Naw. My name's Tempera. I'm kind of second in command. 'S not like that's important to you, though. We'll leave this decision to our village elder. You'll know when we get there.
-Lakitu: Okay... but in the meantime, where is this place? How did we get stranded in the middle of some jungle?
-Tempera: This place is called Gouache. You can't tell from the inside, but it's actually a natural prison maintained by the Acrylic Kingdom. We're really in the middle of a gigantic crater, somewhere out in a stretch of wasteland. Even without the jungle around, the crater walls are steep enough to make escape from this area impossible...
At these words from Tempera, the screen cuts to several birds-eye shots, the first one showing the treetop village from above, the second showing an overhead shot of the jungle, the third showing the Gouache area from such height that it's just a green dot in an otherwise barren rocky area. One more shot is inserted, showing Gouache from the outside. The screen pans across an immense crater. In a ring of almost perfectly smooth cliff walls, the jungle teems down below. The massive walls of the crater rise high above the treetops. And in the skies, armed surveillance helicopters buzz about, ready to take down any prisoner who does attempt the impossible task of scaling the crater walls. Tempera's voice is heard narrating while these views of Gouache are displayed.
-Tempera: The jungle grew mostly from biological waste materials that were dumped in the crater first. A lot of the plants and wildlife here are mutations that were grown in Acrylian labs. They've been experimenting with genetically altered new breeds of plants for a long time, but haven't been very successful. When they couldn't burn their misfires, they dumped 'em in here. They somehow survived on their own and grew into this big jungle. From then on, it was just a small step up for the Acrylic Kingdom to start dumping people they couldn't use. Any citizen that gets in the government's hair, tries to contact other nations, or just strikes them as too subversive gets sent off to Gouache. Nobody gets out, nobody needs to know. I think it's also convenient for them to throw prisoners in here, because it gives the carnivorous plants a pretty regular food supply. They might evolve into something useful for the Acrylic Kingdom that way. But just like the dumped plants, some of us stuck together to survive on our own. That's how this village was built up...
-Fryguy: Excuse me... when can I have my cigarettes back? I really need them, I'm so awfully scared! Scared, scared, scaaah-red!
Fryguy's last yelp echoes over one more shot of the jungle's treetops. This shot then slowly turns to a pixilated, monochrome image of the jungle with a white grid superimposed over it. The camera zooms out slightly to reveal that this is in fact an image on a computer screen. The Gouache area is constantly being monitored from the Acrylic Kingdom through computers in a surveillance centre. The camera focuses on one computer screen that displays a large purple blip on a grainy black-and-white overhead map of the Gouache area. Two unseen figures, represented only through vaguely humanoid shadows visible in front on this monitor image conduct the following conversation:
-Voice #1: Sir?
-Voice #2: Not now. I wanna scratch my bum.
-Voice #1: I really think you ought to have a look at this, sir.
-Voice #2: Okay, but make it quick. My buttocks are really itching something terrible.
-Voice #1: Approximately one hour ago, our surveillance satellite recorded this image. The purple blot indicates an unusual amount of heat converging on that point. It was gone just a second later.
-Voice #2: Could be anything. A fireball coughed up by a big Piranha Plant, lightning striking a tree, whatever. I don't see why this ought to delay a much-needed ass-scratching right now.
-Voice #1: All the same, I ran the data from the satellite through the gastro-orgasmic oscillator and compared the hysteriageneric wavelength patterns to the semi-erectile cardiographic turboblips in the anti-oxidant megalomaniac data library, just to be sure. And after analyzing this data, the mumbotronic supra-national schizophrenia emulsifier machine thingymebob determined that the burst of heat recorded by the satellite could have only come from a farting elephant, or from the appearance of a warp door. And there are no elephants in the Gouache area...
-Voice #2: I see your point. But it's supposed to be completely impossible to get into the Gouache area using a warp potion. Are you sure there's no error in that data analysis of yours?
-Voice #1: Sir, this came from the mumbotronic supra-national schizophrenia emulsifier machine thingymebob!
-Voice #2: Hmm... Then I have to assume that some outsider did warp into the Gouache area. That would be cause for alarm...
The viewscreen switches to an image where the purple blip and the surrounding area are somewhat enlarged. Surrounding the purple blip, a handful of small white dots can be seen, each with a lengthy, thickly-underlined serial number displayed next to each of them.
-Voice #1: What's more, you can clearly see that a few inmates were present at the scene when the burst of heat took place. If they were there when these outsiders warped in, we had better assume that the inmates have made contact with the intruders, whoever they are.
-Voice #2: That could be very bad. I'll dispatch a party of Frescoes to deal with this. In the meantime, could you find me a brillo pad? I don't think scratching by hand can quite get rid of the itch I have on my left bum cheek.
-Voice #1: Err... whatever you say, sir.
The screen fades to black and the cuts to a wide shot of the rickety treehut village where we last saw Lakitu and Fryguy. They are currently seated on a large bamboo walkway. To their left and their right, the entire population of the village has gathered on the edges of the big walkway, while a larger-than-average geriatric Tweeter bird covered in wrinkles and tufts of grey fuzz sits opposite Lakitu and Fryguy on a bed of dried leaves. This is the village elder, Pastel. He radiates sagacity, prestige, and a slightly funny smell. He is flanked by two fierce-looking Shy Guys mounted on Ostro birds, both of them holding spears aloft and ready to strike should Lakitu and Fryguy try something suspicious. A rather heavy atmosphere hangs over the scene, as if Lakitu and Fryguy are to be judged at a trial. The elder Pastel, having listened to Lakitu and Fryguy's story, scratches his beak with on of his crusty toes, then slowly shakes his head.
-Pastel: I don't see any other way. I'm sorry, boys, but we will have to throw you out.
-Fryguy: Throw us out?! But... but that's unfair! We didn't do anything wrong! What we told you was true, I swear it!
-Pastel: It's not about that. I believe your story about how a warp potion took you here by accident. It's nothing personal. We'd just run a too big risk if we kept you here. I'm almost certain that the authorities in Gouache noticed your warping in here, and they'll probably come looking for you very soon. They know about this place, and they know some of us were present when your warp door appeared.
Pastel then bows his head, so that Lakitu and Fryguy get a clear look at his naked, glistening cranium. Right on top of Pastel's head, a happy smiley face is stenciled with thick black lines. He looks up to the two again, who just give him slightly confused stares.
-Pastel: Everyone who gets sent to Gouache the regular way is branded with this smiley mark first. A very tiny tracking device is implanted into the body via that mark, which allows a surveillance satellite high above us to track everyone with such a mark. So you see, it's just too risky for us. You can't expect us to put all of our asses on the line just like that.
-Fryguy: But... but... if you throw us outta the village, what's gonna happen to us? We can't just stay in that jungle down there! You can't do that!
In response to Fryguy's whining, the two Ostro-riding Shy Guys next to Pastel point their spears forward menacingly, and all of the surrounding villagers take a step forward, with decidedly grim expressions on their faces. Pastel just gives Fryguy a weak smile, as if to say "I told you so".
-Fryguy: But... we'll die out there!
-Pastel: Alas, I've got to put the survival of the village first. Go on, boys. Chuck them out. And make sure they don't come back.
This is met by a high wail of despair from Fryguy, while Lakitu remains silent throughout the whole thing. The two Shy Guys on Ostro-back force Lakitu and Fryguy forward by prodding them with their spears while the crowds on either side of the walkway close their ranks behind them. This leaves Lakitu and Fryguy with no choice but to walk down the bamboo walkway, which leads to a rope ladder. Climbing down this rope ladder leads out of the treehut village, and down to the solid ground of the jungle below. At some distance from the scene on the bamboo walkway, Tempera is standing on the roof of a hut in the village. She watches the scene quietly, still in full shell-armour, and with her spear in hand.
Once Lakitu and Fryguy have reached the bottom of the rope ladder, the ladder is immediately pulled up again. From the platforms of the village up above, several coconuts and other blunt objects are thrown down at Lakitu and Fryguy to encourage them to clear off. Buckets of vomit are also emptied above their heads and rude words are shouted down, in case they didn't get the point. Lakitu grabs the hand of a panic-stricken, hysterically sobbing Fryguy and drags him away into the jungle thicket to escape this rain of rubbish.
After this, we fade to a shot of the jungle wildlife. An insert song, People are strange by Echo and the Bunnymen begins to play over a view of life halfway up some massive tree trunks in the jungle. Only a few shafts of pale sunlight filter through the dense mosaic of green up above. On the huge leaves and vines, several Hoopster beetles are scuttling about. One of them has a third eyeball growing out of its red-and-black spotted shell, hinting at the genetically-mutated origins of most Gouachian wildlife. The screen slowly moves down the giant tree trunks, until we see Lakitu and Fryguy at the bottom, clambering over the intricate tapestry of thick roots that the trees leave in their path. They are well and truly dwarfed by the trees and plants that hang over them like a sort of overwhelming organic cathedral. As we close in on the two of them, Fryguy's whimpering becomes audible over the insert song. He's barely holding back a complete flood of tears by rambling to himself through his own sniffling and blubbing, while Lakitu patiently but somewhat sulkingly endures this.
-Fryguy: Sniff... this is terrible! So mean and unfair! I can't believe how mean those people were to us! They throw us out and leave us to die and... and one of them even said that I smell of old pig's farts! I'm scared here, I hate this and I want to go home! This is all your fault, Lakitu!
-Lakitu: Oh, I'm sure it is...
-Fryguy: It is! Why did you use a warp potion that had gone past its expiry date?! Cheap brands of warp potions are unreliable, everybody knows that, and you used a second-rate warp potion that had gone off!
-Lakitu: I suppose you don't know how expensive warp potions are. Only the filthy rich can afford a steady supply of the top brands. An average army grunt like me can't afford a constant supply of convenient lifelines, I had to settle for one, just in case... But you wouldn't know about that, because you always spend your entire income on cigarettes.
-Fryguy: That's not true, I buy lighters too!
-Lakitu: Tsch, you live only for tobacco. You're out of touch with reality, Fryguy. I don't understand what you're still doing in a place like the Koopa army.
-Fryguy: Well then, I won't be in the Koopa army any more! I've had enough of it! Scary things keep happening to me, I want it to stop! When we get back to the Koopa army, I'm gonna quit, I'm gonna run away from the army!
-Lakitu: Won't your folks be upset if you quit the army, though?
-Fryguy: Yeah, well, I'll just run away from home too! I'm gonna run away from the army and go home, and then I'm gonna run away from home, and then they'll all be really sorry that they all did all sorts of scary things to me all the time, all of them! Nyah!
Lakitu just rolls his eyes in disbelief as Fryguy continues to ramble to himself about his newfound intentions. They advance further along the large roots, unaware that something is watching them. The volume of the insert song dims slightly as the screen cuts to a Panser plant, crawling under the cover of the jungle thicket. Lakitu and Fryguy's backs are clearly visible from the Panser's point of view. It has crawled up to easy striking distance, and menacingly narrows its eyes at the sight of these two easy targets. The top of the Panser slowly begins to open, ready to spew fireballs all over its unsuspecting victims. But suddenly, a spear flashes forward and impales the Panser from behind with a sharp thud. The Panser falls down dead as the spear retracts. It all happened so quickly and silently that Lakitu and Fryguy never noticed a thing of all this. Hiding from their sight in the jungle thicket, but following them just as stealthily as the Panser is Tempera, whose spear is now stained with sticky green goo from the Panser she just shish-kebabbed. She casts one more glance at Lakitu and Fryguy, and then ducks back into the thick wall of plants.
The insert song returns to full volume and continues to doodle along to some shots of Lakitu and Fryguy struggling through the jungle. Eventually, they reach an area where the intensity of the plant growth is a little lighter, and a huge, steep and almost perfectly smooth wall of solid rock shoots up into the sky. Reasoning that this must be the wall of the crater, Lakitu snaps his fingers, and his companion cloud pops up. He and Fryguy jump onto the cloud, and begin to fly upwards, following the crater wall. The insert song finishes as Tempera emerges from the jungle behind them, looking up at the disappearing little cloud in shock; she can't follow them any more now.
Cut to Lakitu and Fryguy slowly making their way up the crater wall on Lakitu's cloud. They've floated up quite a way by now, and are nearing the treetops. Fryguy casts nervous glances all around him, looking particularly uncomfortable when he peeks downwards.
-Fryguy: Is this really gonna work? We've gone up really high already, can your cloud really handle this?
-Lakitu: It all depends on how high this crater wall really is. I dunno how high my cloud can really go. The highest I ever tried was to the top of a telly screen, but I think we can just about make it out of the crater. We'll just have to see where we can go once we get out. At least anything's better than staying in this shithole.
-Fryguy: But it might be really scary! There's probably all sorts of heavy guards up there, and there might be scary things in the treetops and... and... it's just scary!
Just as Fryguy finishes his whining, the little cloud rises above the treetops. With the sea of plants below them, Lakitu and Fryguy can now see the ring-shaped crater wall rising into the clear sky above them. The grandeur of the scene briefly awes them, but the mood is broken when a large military chopper suddenly swoops down with great noise and hovers besides them. The colours of the Acrylic Kingdom are painted clearly across the machine's hull. Fryguy timidly tries to wave hello to the chopper besides them, but this gesture is not met with much enthusiasm. Instead, the chopper turns on them with blazing machine-gun barrels. Gasping, Lakitu forces his cloud downwards and dives back into the treetops. The chopper's machine gun bullets barely miss them and clatter against the crater wall. The two cloud-riders have vanished back into the treetops, and the foliage is too thick to enable the chopper to follow them. However, it fires a few Bullet Bills downwards who penetrate the layer of green and zoom after the little cloud. Lakitu, meanwhile is frantically racing his cloud downwards again, trying to get back to solid ground, while Fryguy practically shrieks his lungs out. The Bullet Bills plough through branches and vines on their way down, speeding after their target. However, Lakitu has a strategy in mind. He continues to speed down to ground level. In fact, the ground is now visible again between the towering tree trunks, and the cloud is plummeting straight for it. Fryguy screams that they're going to crash, but Lakitu pays no attention to this. When the cloud gets dangerously close to the ground, just before they'd smash themselves to pieces on the hard soil, Lakitu makes a sharp turn with his cloud and speeds away into the jungle, floating very close to the ground. Most of the Bullet Bills chasing after them don't have reflexes as fast as that and smash into the ground with loud bangs before they can turn. One Bullet Bill, however, is crafty enough to make a fast turn and speeds along the ground, still in pursuit of the floating cloud. Lakitu daringly zig-zags between thick trees, but this fails to shake off the Bullet Bill. It still manages to follow them and slowly closes in. After a quick glance backwards, Lakitu grabs Fryguy and dives off his cloud with him. The two land in some thick bushes while the cloud continues to speed forward aimlessly. The Bullet Bill doesn't adjust to this and just continues to follow the cloud, which is now heading straight for a massive tree in its path. Lakitu snaps his fingers again, and his cloud disappears, leaving the last Bullet Bill to meet his doom - it crashes into the giant tree and blows up. We cut back to Lakitu and Fryguy among the bushes, both still panting from the effort.
-Fryguy: Oh hell... who knew ripping off George Lucas could be this scary? I told you it wouldn't work, I told you there were gonna be scary things up there! I'm never gonna get outta here, I'll never smoke another Marlboro Light again! I don't wanna die that way! Boohooh!
-Lakitu: Can you stop whining for maybe just one second? At least we're safe for the moment...
Lakitu is wrong, however, as a huge, bright yellow Piranha Plant suddenly bursts from the bushes at that moment. It had been lying still, camouflaged by the foliage until that moment. It now towers over them, with a huge maw full of sharp teeth held wide open over their heads. The two cringe in terror, as the Piranha Plant plunges forward to devour its prey. All seems lost for Lakitu and Fryguy, but a sharp snapping noise suddenly resounds. The Piranha Plant freezes in place, its drool-covered fangs motionless just above Lakitu and Fryguy's heads... and the plant's head then pops off its stem and bounces on the floor a few times. Behind the neatly-sliced stem of the Piranha Plant, Tempera emerges from the jungle, with her spear clutched in her hands.
-Lakitu: It's you! Err... Tenticles? Technopop? What was your name again?
-Tempera: Tempera! It's Tempera, you stinky fool!
-Lakitu: Oh, right. So... what's the story? Is it the sexy stripes on my shell? Or perhaps the two lone hairs on my naked cranium? You dig me, dontcha? That's why you've followed us all the way here, because I'm so totally hot 'n sexy, right? Err... right?
-Tempera: What a load of crap! Where do you pull a twisted idea like that from, you crazy poo-faced git!
-Fryguy: Uhm, excuse me, miss Tempera? Do you, by any chance have some of the cigarettes I had on me with you? Did you come to bring those back?
-Tempera: Your cigarettes? I think we smoked up every last one of them back at the village. It's been a long time since we had stuff like that.
-Fryguy: Aaaargh! I want to di-eeehh!
Fryguy throws himself on the ground and begins to cry violently before Lakitu and Tempera's somewhat surprised faces. Tempera just shrugs and motions for Lakitu and Fryguy to follow her. Dragging Fryguy who is still in the grip of a violent sobbing fit behind him, Lakitu follows Tempera to an opening in a giant tree trunk. They crawl through the opening and settle into the small space inside the tree, where the walls are covered with moss and fungus. This seems like a fairly safe spot, where everyone can catch their breath, and Tempera can tell them the whole story. She sits down in a lotus position and takes off her tall spiral-shell helmet before giving them all the details.
-Tempera: Sending you guys out into the jungle was all part of a plan from Pastel the elder. When he heard the news of two strangers that had somehow dropped into Gouache, he conceived an audacious and funky plan on the spot! Y'see, it's only a matter of time before the Acrylic Kingdom notices that a warp door opened somewhere in Gouache and decides that it'd be a very bad thing if someone starts snooping around there. They'll send forces into the jungle to track down the intruders and when they catch you, they'll cut you up into little pieces and make biological sausages out of you. It's what the Acrylic Kingdom does to intruders.
-Fryguy: Oh! Oh!! Hideous!!! Terrible!!!!
-Tempera: Don't interrupt me! What we need to do is knock out a Fresco unit. Frescoes are a kind of cyber-mutratronic-biorobot that closely resembles an ordinary Snifit. Lakitu is about the right size to pass for a Snifit if he wore the same garb, so when we got ourselves a dead Fresco, we dress Lakitu up in the thing's uniform, then he can get into an Acrylic Kingdom chopper when it comes to pick up the Frescoes again, take control of the chopper and escape into the wild blue yonder! It truly is an audacious and funky plan!
-Lakitu: I just don't get what you would get out of getting me out of here.
-Tempera: You guys said you were soldiers, so once you've made it home, you'll bring your whole army back here and rescue all of us from Gouache! This part of the plan is grand and gnarly!
-Lakitu: No, it's crap and crusty! Why do you expect we'd co-operate? And why do you expect I really would bring the whole army in if I do escape?
-Fryguy: Besides, I... I think your plan is muh-muh-much too scary! I won't help a bunch of mean people who stole my cigarettes!
-Tempera: It's either that, or I kill you right now.
-Lakitu: You're trying to force is into co-operating? What kind of a mafioso are you?
-Tempera: Stop whining. This plan gives you a shot at a ticket outta here. It's as good a reward as you can expect, unless you're hot on the idea of dying in the jungle and having chimpanzees fashion toothpicks out of your bones. Co-operate with me, or die by my hands. Your choice, of course.
-Lakitu: This is downright bullying! You can shove that plan up your bum crack as far as I'm concerned!
-Tempera: I'm not kidding when I say that I could shish-kebab the both of you in the blink of an eye. You had better be scared.
-Fryguy: I am! I really, really am! Please don't kill us, lady! We'll do anything you say! Lakitu, don't say anything to make her angry, she scares me!
-Tempera: Working with me on this is really your best option, since the Frescoes will be onto us pretty soon anyway. The Frescoes can track all of us prisoners via that implant gizmo Pastel told you about. I have that implant too. I was close by when you bumped into that chopper. They'll think it's suspicious, and some Frescoes will be heading this way for sure. I saw those things mowing down citizens by the bucketload during riots in the Acrylic Kingdom. You had better be scared.
-Fryguy: I am! I really, really am! Aieee!!
-Lakitu: This also means you pretty much got us killed already by luring those things our way. I would call this the lumpy and shit-brained part of your elder's plan.
-Tempera: It's true that any of the villagers wouldn't stand a chance against a Fresco with our primitive, puny weapons. But you guys could fight them! You said you were soldiers!
-Lakitu: That doesn't mean we come with built-in rocket launchers up the ass or something like that.
-Tempera: No, but you've got something else...
Tempera then reaches behind her back and produces a long object, wrapped in a coarse piece of cloth. She pulls off this cloth to reveal Fryguy's Kaleido Moon Smoke which she triumphantly presents to Lakitu and Fryguy.
-Fryguy: Oh! I was wondering where that had gone!
-Tempera: This is some kind of weapon, isn't it? When Pastel had a look at it, he said it must be something very advanced, so I figured if you guys are part of a big army, it must be something really cutting-edge. None of us could figure out how it works, but you guys can, right?
-Lakitu: Oh boy... lady, you are in for one big disappointment.
Cut to a shot of the army helicopter that Lakitu and Fryguy encountered during their cloud-ride. It has found a clearing in the jungle where it can land. Large doors slide open to reveal a row of motionless black Snifits; the Frescoes. Thick electric cables stick out of their backs and connect them to power sockets in the walls. An Acrylian Shy Guy inside the chopper throws a large switch to turn on the power in these cables. With a low humming noise, the Frescoes' eyes light up briefly with a red glow, and they start moving. The large power cables disconnect themselves and fall to the ground. The Frescoes jump out of the chopper, neatly in line, and start to march towards into the jungle. When the plant growth gets too thick for them to advance easily, they spew blasts of thin, blue laser from their mouthpieces. These beams neatly slice through large chunks of the thicket, clearing a steady path for the mechanic creatures. We then cut to a shot from the point of view of a Fresco. Through the eyeholes in its black mask, it sees the world in somewhat grainy black-and-white, with a few small meters and readouts near the bottom of its field-of-vision. Suddenly, a white dot lights up in the Fresco's vision. The dot flashes a few times. A small mugshot of Tempera is then displayed next to the dot, with a serial number and location co-ordinates next to it. The Fresco's vision briefly flashes red to acknowledge this data. It then starts to move in Tempera's direction along with a few other Frescoes.
The screen then cuts to a shot of Tempera's spear being thrust forward violently. The spear's end embeds itself into the mucus-covered tree wall mere inches above Lakitu's head, who managed to duck just in time. He scrambles away quickly and stares at an enraged Tempera, who pulls her spear out of the wall and furiously points it at Lakitu and Fryguy.
-Tempera: You ripped me off! What do you mean, that weapon of yours is completely useless?!
-Fryguy: It's not useless! With the Kaleido Moon Smoke, my cigarettes obey my every command!
-Tempera: Shut up! Just shut your goddamn festering gob! That weapon is rubbish, and you guys are just a couple of phoneys! I'm going to kill you!
-Lakitu: Geez, lady, what're you getting so damned hysterical about? You guys just assumed that a crazy stick was an über-weapon, so don't take it out on us!
-Tempera: I gotta take it out on someone! Don't you understand? This one chance... this was the one chance for all of us to be saved, maybe. Everyone was counting on this one chance, and now it's all ruined! It's all... completely hopeless...
-Tempera: Die, you bastards!
-Lakitu: Yikes! She's even worse than Mouser!
Blinded by rage, Tempera charges at them with her spear and chases them out of the hollow tree trunk that they were hiding in. Once they're out of the tree trunk, however, Lakitu, Fryguy and Tempera all freeze on the spot and stare ahead of them in shock, for they are suddenly encircled by menacing black Snifits. The Frescoes have made their way to the large hollow tree by now, and surrounded it. For a while, the Frescoes just stare at their prey. Then their eyes blink red, indicating that they're ready to strike. Before anything happens, though, Tempera grabs Lakitu and Fryguy's hands and dashes forward. She manages to charge through the line of Frescoes before they can react, and she plunges into the jungle thicket with Lakitu and Fryguy. The Frescoes instantly turn towards them and begin to fire rays of burning laser death as they charge into the jungle, in pursuit of the fugitives. Tempera, Lakitu and Fryguy have trouble staying out of the Frescoes' reach. Shafts of glowing Fresco lasers cut up the jungle all around them, clearing a path for the Frescoes to give chase much quicker than their prey can advance. To remedy this problem, Lakitu conjures up his cloud, and the three of them hop aboard. Floating above the thick undergrowth, they manage to put some distance between the Frescoes and themselves, although it takes a lot of cunning maneuvers for Lakitu to avoid the barrage of Fresco lasers and the dense mass of tree trunks and giant plants. Luck smiles upon them, however, when Lakitu flies low over a bed of sleeping yellow Piranha Plants. The plants wake up in an angry mood, and the first thing they spot are the oncoming Frescoes. A horde of furiously snapping Piranha Plants is quite an obstacle to take, even for a squadron of Frescoes. Only one Fresco manages to slip past without having to stop - the others all need to pause and take out the Piranha Plants in their way with their lasers before they can move on. With only one isolated Fresco on their tail, it looks like Lakitu and the others have got the chance they needed at last. Lakitu's cloud quickly flies upwards at the next thick tree they encounter. Lakitu, Fryguy and Tempera jump off and hide out on a thick branch, high up in the tree's foliage. The Fresco below angrily fires some lasers upwards, but his targets are out of his reach. Through a gap in the tree's large leaves, the Fresco below can clearly be seen as a black dot on the jungle ground. Lakitu takes out a spiked ball. Brandishing the spiked ball above his head, he steps forward with a determined look on his face. He then leaps off the tree's branch and hurtles downward with his spiked ball pointed at the lone Fresco, gathering momentum as he falls faster and faster.
-Fryguy: Oh! He has leapt with the daring of a flying squirrel and is now plunging down with the force of a falling brick!
-Tempera: Yes, this is the ultimate trial for him. It has been his destiny to brandish this spiked ball while plummeting down right from the beginning. This is the moment where all threads of his life meet, this is the moment in which everything will be decided...
-Fryguy: How do you know all that?
Cut to a close-up of Lakitu in super dramatic-o-vision as he drops towards the Fresco ever faster...
-Lakitu: With this one blow, I will put and end to my struggles! It has come to this! Oh, spiked ball, guide my hand to victory! Be the instrument of all the rage, despair and flatulence that has been my burden for all these years! The time when my dog got pregnant and miscarried... the time when my toaster oven broke down... the time when they cancelled my favourite thumbtack commercial... all these moments of bitterness have guided me to this one culminating point where everything depends on me! I see the path of my destiny before me clearly now, and I just wanna say hello to my mom and hope that my old roommate dies in a hideous car accident, like the rotten bastard deserves to. Yes, the time is now! With this ultimate crushing blow, I will prove that all has not been futile! All that I fought for, all that I believe in is right, and everything else is just wrong! Wrong, wrong wrong! Banzai!
-Tempera: Oh... I am awed by such tension, such determination! I can feel my pulse pounding! I can feel my blood boiling!
-Fryguy: I... I can feel my bowels shifting...
Fryguy's rather anti-climatic remark earns him an exasperated glance from Tempera. Super dramatic-o-vision, however, doesn't suffer from it, and Lakitu brings his spiked ball crashing down on the Fresco's cranium with thundering force. To illustrate the utter incredibleness of this blow's awesome impact, images of lightning bolts, lava spurts, tidal waves, a furious Bengal tiger, a speeding subway train, and a whirring electric toothbrush flash past in the background. The Fresco falls to the ground, well and truly killed dead. The screen then segues to a shot of Lakitu, Tempera and Fryguy who have dragged the battered Fresco away to an area where large, overhanging leaves shield them from sight. Tempera uses the point of her spear to pry off the dead Fresco's mask. A mess of gears and wires appears underneath. She continues to disassemble the Fresco, and the arduous operation to dress Lakitu up in the robot's remains then begins. After a while, they achieve a pretty much satisfactory result. Lakitu stands, a little awkwardly, dressed in the Fresco's black robes and holding the distinctive mask in his hands. Tempera still eyes the disguise with a few skeptical glances.
-Tempera: Well, it'll have to do. Hiding your shell is pretty hard, though. If you're not careful, you'll look like a freak hunchback case.
-Fryguy: So.. What do we do now?
-Tempera: Frescoes can only run for a few hours until they need to be recharged. I figure this lot will need to head back to their helicopter for their refills while another bunch of Frescoes takes their place. So you'll just have to catch up with the remaining Frescoes and follow them around until they head for the spot where they'll be picked up. It's a bit risky, but I reckon it won't take too long. You guys'll manage.
-Lakitu: Wait a minute, what about you? You talk like you won't be coming with us.
-Tempera: Did you forget? I've got a tracking implant like every other prisoner in Gouache. I'd jeopardize the whole shebang if I tagged along from now on. You're on your own.
-Lakitu: But what about your whole plan? How will you make sure that we come back to rescue your whole bunch back at the village?
-Tempera: Well, I guess I'll just have to take your word on that after all...
Tempera smiles at them, and then motions for them to go ahead. A little hesitantly, Lakitu puts on the stolen Snifit mask and heads into the jungle, leaving Tempera behind. Fryguy follows him, casting quick glances back over his shoulder every now and then. The two of them eventually vanish into the deep green jungle. The screen then fades out and cuts to an overhead shot of a clearing in the jungle. Frescoes come marching out of the jungle in a neat, straight line. The last one in line wobbles a bit, and looks like he has a sort of lump on his back, but none of the others pay any attention to this. The Frescoes look up when strong gusts of when begin to batter down on them. These gusts are actually caused by a helicopter slowly descending into the clearing. Just like Tempera predicted, they're being picked up to be recharged in the chopper. Hidden among thick plants near the edge of the clearing, Fryguy watches the whole scene. He is shaking somewhat, overcome by the sheer scariness of the whole operation, but he bravely bites his lip, determined not to make a sound that might give him away. Finally, the chopper touches down, and a couple of large doors in its hulls slide open. Inside, a grey Shy Guy motions to the Frescoes. They all march into the chopper and line up against a wall in the back of the chopper. Behind them, a second line of Frescoes stands motionless, waiting to be switched on and sent out to take the place of the first group while it gets recharged. The grey Shy Guy pulls a lever, and all the active Frescoes shut down. He then proceeds to plug large cables that dangle from the ceiling into a socket on the back of each Fresco. However, when he gets to the slightly hunchbacked one at the end of the line, he suddenly freezes, and then falls forward stone dead, with a spiked ball rammed into the back of his cranium. At that moment, Lakitu takes off the mask from his Fresco disguise and runs to the opened helicopter doors. He motions towards the jungle, from which Fryguy comes running. Wheezing and whimpering, Fryguy hops into the helicopter, after which Lakitu shuts the doors with a loud clanking noise. Meanwhile, the helicopter's pilot, a slightly overweight green Shy Guy, is still completely unaware of what is going on. He gets a huge shock, though, when the door to the pilot's cabin slams open without warning to reveal Lakitu and Fryguy. As soon as the pilot turns around to see what the hell is happening, Lakitu kills him by ramming a spiked ball into his face and twisting it around hard until the muffled screams and the spurting blood stop. The pilot's corpse thuds to the ground in a pool of blood, which elicits a squeak of fright from Fryguy. Lakitu, meanwhile takes off the rest of the black Snifit robes that he was still wearing, briefly flashes a victorious grin at Fryguy, and then hops into the pilot's seat and takes command of the helicopter. The helicopter lifts off from the clearing, rises above the treetops and takes off towards the crater's rim. The screen cuts to a wide view of the jungle treetops, above which the helicopter buzzes along. The screen pans across the jungle and focuses on Tempera, who is standing on a bamboo platform in the treetops along with some villagers, including the elder Pastel. They watch as the helicopter swoops overhead. The villagers then hand a kind of hang-glider made from thin bamboo stems and coarsely-woven cloth to Tempera. She takes it, positions herself to take off, and looks back to the villagers one more time. The elder Pastel nods at her encouragingly. With a determined look on her face, Tempera then leaps off the platform. Gusts of wind carry her through the air on her hangglider for a short distance. She manages to get pretty close to the chopper. At that moment, she leaps off her hangglider and unties a rope that was wrapped around her middle, with a sharp hook at its end. She flings this rope ahead of her, and the hook catches onto one of the helicopter's landing girders. This has not gone unnoticed with Fryguy, who has watched Tempera's whole approach from one of the helicopter's windows. He tugs on Lakitu's arm to show him a sight of Tempera climbing upwards on the rope which now dangles from the chopper. Lakitu responds with a look of mild surprise, followed by a slight grin. The screen then segues to a shot of the helicopter's pilot cabin where Tempera is now sitting in the co-pilot's seat, next to Lakitu.
-Lakitu: So there was one last part of your plan you didn't tell me about. "I'll just have to take your word on it", she says... but you were planning to play guard-dog all along.
-Tempera: It's called the element of surprise. Elder Pastel likes to call this the smooth and yet slightly sticky final part of his plan. Gawk at it in amazement!
-Lakitu: But, what would you have done if we hadn't let you into the chopper? Eh? Eh??
-Tempera: I... uh, I would've... err, killed your chopper and shish-kebabbed your corpses!
-Lakitu: And how would that have helped your plan in any way? Eh???
-Tempera: Wise ass... I could pluck your guts out with chopsticks anytime I want and serve them to...
However, Tempera's threats get interrupted when a radio transmitter on the helicopter's control panel begins to crackle. From the radio, Voice #2 from the incredibly memorable computer control-room thingymebob scene is heard, broadcasting the following words into the chopper.
-Voice #2: ACRYL-01, this is base control, please come in, ACRYL-01. ACRYL-01, you are deviating from your issued flight path. Please come in, ACRYL-01.
-Tempera: Oh, crap! Crap with little seedy lumps in it! Now we really have a problem! The Acrylic Kingdom! I never even thought of that... they'll notice that we're hijacking a chopper and shoot us down!
-Fryguy: Doesn't your elder's plan cover this? Isn't there a fruity and squishy part or something?
-Tempera: No, there is not!
-Tempera & Fryguy: Aaaaargh!!
-Voice #2: ACRYL-01, I repeat, you are deviating from your issued flight path. Your orders are to return to home base. Come in, ACRYL-01.
While absolute panic breaks out around him, Lakitu grips his forehead, shouts at the other to shut up, or else he will do unspeakable things to their grandmothers, and then, with the near-hysterical Fryguy and Tempera silenced, he picks up the radio's transmitter and feeds home base the following load of baloney:
-Lakitu: Home base, this is ACRYL-01. We are currently experiencing engine troubles. Steering is currently off the wazoo and auto-pilot is dead, over.
-Tempera: That's... that's good, it will hold them for some time, but not for ever...
-Voice #2: Roger, ACRYL-01. Do your require assistance? I repeat, do you require assistance, ACRYL-01?
Cut to an outside shot of the helicopter. They've flown out of the Gouache area crater some time ago. The massive natural prison is now just a green ring in an infinity of grey wastelands stretching out behind the chopper. In front of the helicopter, however, the wasteland is slowly turning into a sandy seashore area with little fisherman's villages dotted around the cliffs. Cut to a close-up of Lakitu, whose face suddenly brightens. He turns to Tempera with great enthusiasm.
-Lakitu: I have a cunning plan! It's easy! We're as good as saved! All you need to do is activate this chopper's self-destruct sequence when I tell you to!
-Tempera: Self-destruct?! What are you, insane? How is suicide gonna do us any good?
-Lakitu: Just trust me!
Cut back to an outside shot of the chopper, as it zooms over some cliffs with the calm, grey sea beyond them. Lakitu's voice is heard, playing over these shots, slightly distorted by crackling radio interference noises.
-Lakitu: Home base, this is ACRYL-01! I can't hold her any longer! The engines are burning up! We're going down! Mayday! Mayday! Oh, holy dangling cow udders, no! I don't wanna die! I'm too young! I never even got to finish my Sir Skidmarks bubblegum sticker collection! Nooo! We're going to dieeehhh! Aaaahhh!
The helicopter drifts off into the sky a little further. A small white dot becomes visible underneath the whirring flying machine, which quickly rushes towards the camera. It is Lakitu's cloud, with Lakitu, Fryguy and Tempera packed onto its fluffy white mass tightly, clinging on for dear life as they speed away from the chopper. Then, the chopper explodes in a really huge goddamn loud awesomeriffic chuffing explosion!! All that remains of the helicopter are tiny bits of charred debris which fall into the sea. They sink away, the noise from the explosion dies out, and after a while, the serenity of the sea reclaims the scene. The screen cuts to a shot of a pale beach, where the cold, grey sea water gently laps against the sand. Lakitu's cloud sinks down onto this tranquil bit of seashore, and its three passengers hop off. They sigh with relief and take some deep breaths to recover from the tension of their ordeal. Once everyone has caught their breath a little, Tempera turns to Lakitu with her left eyebrow raised in an inquisitive fashion.
-Tempera: Sir Skidmarks bubblegum sticker collection?
-Lakitu: Yeah! I'm still missing a few regulars and most of the special limited prismo-foliatic snazzotrophic glittery ones. Do you have any that you'd like to trade, perchance?
-Tempera: Oh, get gang-raped.
Tempera angrily turns away from Lakitu and Fryguy and starts to walk down the beach in the direction of some fisherman's huts in the distance. After a brief moment of hesitation, Lakitu and Fryguy start to follow her. The camera zooms out and cuts to an overhead shot of the beach from a great distance. This majestic view suggests the true grandeur of the cliffs, the enormity of the sea and the crunchiness of a good macaroni gratin. Superimposed over this splendid sight, a transparent close-up of Lakitu's face appears.
-Lakitu: We got outta that hellhole, all thanks to my awesomeness! Let's find a village, get some transport ready and get back to the Koopa army!
Lakitu's face, covered by a broad grin, fades away and is replaced by a superimposed mugshot of Tempera.
-Tempera: Wait for me, everyone... I'll get help from the Koopa army and save you all from Gouache. I promise I will!
Finally, Fryguy's face takes the place of Tempera's mugshot, and his voice is heard wailing out the following words in a high-pitched tone as the screen slowly fades to black;
-Fryguy: Wait, you guys! Can't we find some bushes first? I gotta pee! All this scary stuff gave me a leaky bladder! C'mon, wait up! Pleeease!
END of this episode.