Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!
|-Mario: ...skcus ti ,esruoc fo dnA !niaga ecno wohS ykaerF 'srehtorB oiraM repuS eht si sihT !stoidi uoy ,olleH
Episode 17: Imbecile's Incident on the Open Sea
-"Plumber's log, number 0700 G-A. The once-peaceful Gatling Ocean had become the theater of a great tragedy. This calm sea, with small fisherman islands dotted here and there has fallen prey to relentless attacks from a fearsome pirate captain and his nasty crew, ripping off the population's money, valuables and bus passes during their rampages. These invaders call themselves Kaptain Kink and the Butt Pirates. With a name like that, it's almost certain that Koopa is behind this. And so, we set sail to combat these fiends and free the Gatling Ocean from their claws..."-
Fade in to a wide view of the clear blue Gatling Ocean. Somewhere on the sparkling blue sea, a small boat is floating. Zoom in to this boat to reveal Mario standing on its deck, looking out over the sea with his arms folded across his chest and a serious look on his face.
-Mario: Ah yes, I certainly did sound cool during that little "plumber's log" bit. Praised be my greatness... It's just a shame we can't seem to locate the Butt Pirates' ship. We lost all trace of them after Yoshi ate the maps and compasses.
At that moment, Toad comes walking past, holding a small portable TV. He's fiddling with the control dial while the TV just emits some random static.
-Toad: Crap, I just can't get the Hermaphrodite Hardcore channel on this crummy thing...
-Mario: Ah, wait a minute, Toad! Can you see if there's a news broadcast on that TV? There may be reports of the Butt Pirates' attacks, it's a frequent news item in this region. Maybe that way we can get a rough idea of their location again.
-Toad: Oh, allright. News broadcasts are easy to come by, there's always one on somewhere. Give me a minute with this...
Toad twiddles the controls of his portable TV a bit more, until an image appears on the screen. Zoom in to the portable TV screen, where the logo of "Gatling Ocean sailing news" appears with some cheesy music backing it. The screen then shows an image of Wario as the newsreader in formal attire, trying to look dignified.
-Wario: Good afternoon and welcome to the Gatling Ocean sailing news. Ha ha ha ha! Hellooo-oohh! It's me, the tremendous Wario! Did you miss me? Look, look, I managed to get a cameo part for this episode! Yay for me! I'm awesome!
Cut back to a shot of Mario and Toad looking at the TV, somewhat dumbfounded. Some more of Wario's warbling can be heard from the TV.
-Mario: Hmm...yah... Where did you get that portable TV gizmo anyway?
-Toad: I stole it from a shop in the port town we last moored our ship in. This isn't a very good news broadcast. I'd better see if something more informative is on.
When Toad reaches for the control dial of the TV again, Wario's voice increases in volume, now with a slight tinge of panic to it.
-Wario: No, no, no! Don't change the channel, I was just getting to the news! Please, and it's just what you want to hear! Honest! We just have reports in that the Butt Pirates have committed another violent plundering session. This time, the victim of their violence has been the small island of Parker. After nicking all available goods from the island, killing the entire population and setting every building on fire approximately an hour ago, they are now heading west with a speed of roughly 50 knots per hour. Now that that's out of the way we can go back to raving about me!
Toad then switches off the TV and looks up to Mario.
-Toad: Heading west from Parker island at 50 knots per hour. We've got a trace on them now!
-Mario: Understood! Lift the sails! All anchors on deck! And other such random jargon! With this info, we'll be able to track down their ship and attack them. About bloody time too, we were drifting aimlessly for a good full week and it had me bored shitless. Ahh, a heroic battle, fought for a just and upright cause will do me good!
-Toad: Hmm... Mario gets so carried away with his dumb routine.
Fade out and cut to a shot of a large flag, fluttering in the wind at the peak of a ship's mast. The flag has an image of a silly cartoon skull licking a large pink foot printed on it. Camera then scrolls down to reveal the Butt Pirates' ship in its full glory: the Taurus. Lakitu and Fryguy are on deck, looking out over the sea. Fryguy is shaking somewhat, while tears occasionally well up in his eyes.
-Fryguy: La...Lakitu, I want to go home! I hate the sea, it's so scary, with all this water around. You know I hate water, it's what scares me the most of all things. Please Lakitu, when are we getting out of here? Another day at sea will be too scary for me to take! I'll die of panic and stress if we don't go home soon!
-Lakitu: Enough already, Fryguy. It's not up to me to decide when we'll leave the Gatling Ocean. Lord Koopa took us here with a plan to steal as many treasures as possible, and we're not leaving until he's decided that we have gathered enough treasure. But what he's planning to do with all these treasures I don't really know...
Footsteps are then heard, and Mouser walks past with a broad grin, humming a daft tune.
-Mouser: Hum dee dum...in the navy, yes you can sail the seven seas. In the navy... errr... everyone's on LSD. Hmm, no, that's not right.
-Fryguy: Ah, Mouser, we were wondering how long Lord Koopa wants us to keep collecting treasures on this scary sea...
-Lakitu: And for what purpose he wants to gather all these treasures...
-Mouser: Oh, I see. And because I'm the person closest to Lord Koopa, intimately familiar with every corner of his body and soul, you're turning to me with your question. Of course, of course, ha ha ha!
-Lakitu: Err... How about just 'no?' If you know anything about these matters, you might as well tell us. It's my guess that Lord Koopa plans to use these treasures as funds to upgrade our weaponry, increase our defenses and invest in secret weapons research.
-Mouser: You're wrong. Gemey Maybelline is releasing a new line of foot lotion next month and he wants to buy in a really big stock of it.
-Lakitu: Oh, bloody heck. I should have known it would be something utterly stupid...
-Mouser: And according to him, we have just about enough moolah by now for that.
-Fryguy: Re... really? Ah, I'm so glad to hear it! That means we should be able to go home soon! I hope we can leave this horrible sea before anything scary happens.
However, just at that moment, a voice is heard from above. Clawgrip, up in the crow's nest is holding a telescope between his pincers and shouting orders down to the men on the deck;
-Clawgrip: Oiii, we're going to have trouble! I've just spotted a ship nearing us from the north, with a Mushroom Kingdom flag on it. Probably Mario and the others trying to attack us!
-Fryguy: Oh nooo! Now it's getting scary after all! Boohh, where is my mommy?
-Mouser: Nya ha ha ha! Let them come if they think they're hard enough. I could do with a bit of a fight to liven things up!
Soon, Mario's ship has neared the Taurus. Yoshi, Toad, the princess and Mario, holding Luigi in his hand are glaring angrily at their enemies from the deck of their ship. Mouser, Koopa (in a fetching Captain Hook costume, complete with loads of frilly bits and feathers), Lakitu and Clawgrip, with Fryguy hiding behind the large crab and sobbing miserably return a determined taunting stare from the Taurus. Zoom out to a shot of the two battle-ready ships heading towards each other, with some dramatic music playing. Camera then zooms down to show a small robotic fish, floating in the water and taking in footage of the two ships with a head-mounted camera lens. Cut to a shot deep below the ocean surface, where the dark shape of a large submarine of some kind ominously floats past. Fade to black, then cut to a shot inside this submarine, where images of Mario and Koopa's ships are being transferred to a multitude of monitors who eerily light an otherwise dark room with their glow. In front of all these monitors, a cloaked figure is standing, who then turns around to face the camera and is revealed as Triclyde.
-Triclyde: I obstinately refuse to believe what I've just seen. I mean, it's bloody ridiculous! We scrape and beg for hours at the bank to get one last loan from them, we take the time and effort to build this fully-armed underwater fortress with our hard-earned money, we go to a nice, peaceful ocean with the intention to rob tons of dosh, thus re-paying our by now rather huge debt at the bank and get back to grand, but expensive world-dominating schemes, and just look at what happens! The minute we get here, it turns out both our mortal rivals are already here, nicking treasures from under our noses, and likely to beat us up and ruin everything if we cross their paths! It's unfair! And I worked so hard for this! I hate my life! I can't take this anymore! I want to go back home to my mom-meee-hee-hee... Boo-hoo-hoo! Sob! Whine!
Lefty then takes a kleenex between his jaws and wipes away Clyde's tears of despair, while Righty tries to calm him down with soothing words;
-Righty: There, there. Don't cry, Clyde. You're a big boy now.
-Triclyde: But...but they already did this to us in the last episode. The bastards!
-Righty: Now, now. You know that's how it is with rubbish TV shows; there's no originality at all and plot elements are recycled with frightening regularity. There's no need to go hysterical over this. And besides, this time we've got our lovely Desert Eagle atomic submarine base, with deadly and powerful servants to do our every bidding. So stop crying, it's going to be all right.
-Lefty: Here, do you want a sucker?
-Triclyde: Sniff... Okay.
Lefty clutches a large lollipop between his teeth and holds it in front of Clyde, who snatches the thing in his jaws. While Clyde obediently sucks on the lollipop, Lefty and Righty have a quick conversation.
-Righty: Shit. I hate it when our central brain has a nervous breakdown.
-Lefty: He is under a lot of pressure. Now, what do you reckon we should do about Koopa and Mario's forces? Our plan was to launch a surprise attack on the Gatling Ocean and plunder its every corner. We need the money badly; our funds have been utterly drained ever since Ushinator was defeated, and we'll never have a good chance at taking over the entire cosmos without the money to back it. Gee, megalomania is turning out to be an expensive hobby...
-Righty: Anyway, but now, by a stroke of sheer, unexpected coincidence (yeah, right), our mortal rivals who always beat the pants off us are already here, probably with the same thing in mind as us. I did hear about a certain gang of Butt Pirates going kleptomaniac around here. That's probably Koopa and his boys. But I think this might be an opportunity for us, if we play it right. Koopa and Mario seem to be about to engage in battle. If we wait until they've beaten the crap out of each other and then send in our own men to finish them off when they're already weakened, we can dispose of them, and nick the treasure they've collected, thus killing two birds with one stone.
-Triclyde: Why... why yes, that's it! Brilliant! We do have a chance this way! Banzaaaii!
Shouting out these words with his mouth wide open, however, causes the lollipop Clyde was eating to drop from his mouth and land on the floor with a thud noise. Clyde's eyes widen in shock upon this sight.
-Triclyde: Ah! Oh no, I've dropped my candy! Boohhh, I want to die!
-Lefty: He really needs to take a vacation someday... But that doesn't matter now. Smith! Wesson! Get over here at once!
Two figures advance from the shadows upon this command. A blond young man in a white costume comes forward and bows deeply before Triclyde, uttering these words;
-"Captain Triclyde, I am your humble servant Smith, ready to do your every bidding..."
Smith is followed by a blue-haired man in a black costume, who makes his entrance with these words;
-"Si, and I am Wesson, from la muy guapa Italia! I live to serve you, mi generalissimo!"
-Righty: I'm sure that's why you're babbling in Spanish like a complete dolt... But it makes no difference. Smith, Wesson, observe the surveillance monitors closely. We'll send you to the surface soon to finish the battle that's about to take place.
They all turn back to the monitors, where the two ships have now closed in on each other. Fade out and cut back to the surface. Zoom in to the Mushroom Kingdom ship's deck. Mario has tied a thick rope around Luigi's ankles and is grinning widely.
-Mario: Good, we are within range now! With my new technique, it will be easy to enter the enemy ship and be the first to strike. The Luigi Harpoon Technique is just the thing for this!
Mario then yanks open Luigi's jaws, while the sound of bones snapping is heard. With Luigi's mouth fixed into a wide open position, Mario thwirls the rope around a few times before launching his improvised projectile at the Taurus. Luigi hurtles through the air and finally embeds his teeth firmly into the Taurus' wooden railings as his jaws snap shut.
-Mario: Bullseye! We've gotten hold of them, now the battle can really get started!
Cut to the deck of the Taurus, where the atmosphere is turning to slight distress.
-Fryguy: Eeeek! They're trying to enter us! They already roped us with that freaky harpoon thing. If they get onto our deck, it'll get way too scary! Somebody do something!
-Lakitu: Quick! Chop that living harpoon's head off!
But just when Clawgrip, acting upon Lakitu's advice runs towards Luigi with a sharp axe held between his pincers, a wooshing noise is heard and Mario, Yoshi, Toad and the princess land on the deck of the Taurus with a dramatic jump.
-Mario: You bastards have spread terror and perversion in this peaceful land, but now it's time to pay for your crimes!
-Princess: (muttering to herself) What is Koopa thinking of, going away on a long cruise and not even inviting me along? He had better have a good excuse ready for this...
-Toad: Princess, were you just saying something?
-Princess: Huh? Oh, nothing at all, I haven't said a word, you must be hearing things. Now stop being a pain in the bum and start fighting already!
-Koopa: I see, it's come to this, we will actually have to fight. Very well, listen up, all of my valliant Butt Pirates! First, the entire armada of Koopa Troopas! Attack!
A long row of Koopa Troopas, all dressed in cheesy pirate outfits runs onto the deck of the Taurus after these words from Koopa and take on fighting poses, staring at the Mario gang.
-Koopa: Ready? Fight, Butt Pirate Troopas!
-Toad: Holy smoke, there's a whole load of Koopa Troopas to deal with. We're outnumbered by far, the outlook is bleak! How intensely dramatic all this is! Mario, what are we going to do?
-Mario: I reckon we should kill them all by repeatedly stabbing them with a sharp kitchen knife, then finish them off by embedding a heavy axe into their skulls. Behold!
Mario walks over to the horde of Koopa Troopas and takes on a pensive stance for a while. The Troopas don't move a muscle. After taking out a kitchen knife and polishing it with a tissue for a bit, Mario goes up to the leftmost Troopa, precisely selects the angle from which to stab, and then repeatedly plunges his knife into the Troopa, who up to now still hasn't moved. When the Troopa sinks to the ground in agony, Mario takes out an axe and small grindstone, sets up the grindstone and activates it, sharpens his axe on it for a while, and when it's properly sharpened, he hammers his axe into the stabbed Troopa's skull. Once the first Troopa is thus killed, Mario pulls his axe out of the gory mess of mashed internal organs, takes out a hanky and wipes the blood off its blade. The remaining Troopas are still standing utterly motionless. Mario heads for the next Troopa in line, takes out the kitchen knife again and repeats the entire process. Koopa and the others are looking at this scene a little dumbfounded. Koopa addresses Lakitu in these words while Mario leisurely continues to decimate his troops with this slow, but effective method.
-Koopa: Oi, what's the matter with my Troopas, I told them to attack, but they're not moving. Didn't they hear me? And why are they just standing there, even though they are in grave danger, and being slaughtered systematically?
-Lakitu: Well milord, that little problem seems to crop up fairly often. You see, the animators are all out of their minds, so it happens that the Troopas don't exactly move when Mario is either running away, or beating them up. The lousy animation is also to blame for the long delay between the moment when you give your orders, and the moment when the Troopas are actually drawn doing something. It's all a bit pants, in fact.
-Koopa: I'll say it is. Oi, Troopas! You bunch of stupid wankers, I told you to attack! At least don't just stand there while you're getting killed! Move a muscle, wave your arms about, fart or whatever, just do something! Move, you smelly morons!
But Koopa's shouting has no effect, and the Troopas just remain frozen solid while Mario murders every one of them. When just one Troopa is left, the sole survivor's face suddenly lights up, and he rushes towards Mario, shrieking wildly. But Mario just chucks his kitchen knife at the final Troopa, who gets the blade right between the eyes and dies instantly.
-Toad: Oh! That sure was close, but with his lightning reflexes, Mario has managed to intercept the thunderingly quick surprise attack of Koopa's men at the very last possible second!
-Princess: Toad, do you really believe in this dramatizing of yours?
-Toad: Nah... Still, it sounds kinda cool.
-Koopa: Allright then, this is quite enough! You may have killed all my Troopas because the painfully slow and rotten animation was on your side, but now we're going to fight for ourselves. And we'll beat your pants off, or I'll eat my S&M toys! Mouser, Lakitu, Clawgrip, go for it! And don't you dare stand around staring as well now! As for you, Fryguy, try not to be too much of a nuisance.
Something resembling a proper battle then begins. Fryguy gives a frightened squeak and climbs way up into the crow's nest, where he hides away, shivering wildly. Lakitu takes on Toad, chucking spiked balls at the mushroom, who avoids the projectiles by jumping and running about a bit. Clawgrip takes on Yoshi and uses his large pincers to block the repeated lashing of Yoshi's long tongue. Mouser immediately goes after Mario, roaring furious battle cries. But Mario nimbly uses Luigi as a club to deflect the bombs and grenades that Mouser throws at him. Finally, the princess walks up to Koopa with an angry stare, and they engage in a heated verbal argument, flinging obscene words around by the bucketload. The fighting continues for a while, until a few decisive blows fall. Koopa and the princess, having reached a level of anger where verbal abuse is no longer a sufficient outlet for their fury instead turn to physical violence and promptly punch each other unconscious. Toad has found the needed lapse of time to jump high into the air and come crashing down on Lakitu's face with a drop-kick, while Lakitu still manages to shove a spiked ball in Toad's face before taking the blow. They both sink to the ground, gravely injured. Yoshi and Clawgrip have been so immersed in their fight that they've failed to notice the limits of fighting on a ship's upper deck and have both managed to stumble and fall off the boat. They are now hanging on to a few anchor chains for dear life, Yoshi using his tongue and Clawgrip his pincers, with the cold, deep sea looming just below them. Only Mouser and Mario are still standing. They are both covered in sweat and breathing heavily from the effort, but Mouser is determined to deal the finishing blow.
-Mouser: Now it's just you and me, fat man. The one who wins this duel will decide the outcome of the battle. My last resources will be more than enough to kill you, it's as if victory is already mine! Now die like a squealing pig! Grrr!
But before Mouser can realize his ambitions, they are interrupted by a crashing noise as a large collumn of water bursts out from the sea, and two figures jump out from it. Soaring through the air, Smith and Wesson land on board the Taurus and turn to Mouser and Mario.
-Smith: Greetings, kind sirs. May I take the liberty of introducing myself? My name is Smith. It is my privilege, and may I say pleasure to make your acquintance.
-Wesson: Hola, amigos! I am Wesson, the one and only! Upon the orders of el capitan Tryclide, we've come to eliminate you. Señor Smith, por favor, let me fight the fat one in red, I don't like him at all! You can take on the rat. Vamos!
The next instant, Smith and Wesson pounce upon their self-designated targets at blinding speed. Smith lashes out with his right fist, but Mouser intercepts this blow with his handpalms. However, it is only by pushing with a concentrated effort that he manages to shove Smith away from him again. Mario, meanwhile, takes a less heroic approach and runs away with a frightened shriek, while Wesson gives chase, throwing multiple kicks and punches that Mario dives, ducks and jumps over to avoid in utter panic. Smith and Mouser still exchange blows, without either of them managing to land any clean hits or taking the upper hand.
-Mouser: Holy crap, this guy's strength is not that of a normal human if he manages to stay even with me so effortlessly. He's bloody fast, too... Right, I see that I won't get anywhere mano-a-mano, so…
Mouser takes the next opportunity to jump away from Smith, creating a small distance between them. This buys him the time he needs to whip out two machine guns and fire them Smithwards with a bellow of "Eat this, sucker!" Deeply shocked by this verbal vulgarity, Smith's reflex is slowed by just a fraction of a second. Thus, when he does gracefully somersault into the sky to dodge the rain of Mouserian bullets, a few stray shots do hit his right shoulder and arm, making metallic noises at their impact and causing a few sparks to fly off. Smith lands again, and a long vertical shot of him is shown, with patches of steel and damaged circuits clearly visible beneath the burnt cloth and flesh in the spots where the bullets hit him.
-Smith: Oh, dear me, this is most unfortunate. The damaged skin tissue and systems in my arm will need to be replaced back at the lab. Though at least no serious injuries have been inflicted. Surely nothing that will prevent me from claiming victory in this duel...
-Mouser: This dude... he's a robot?
Fade out and cut to a shot of Triclyde, still in front of the monitor in his submarine's control room. The current battle is visible on-screen. Next to Triclyde, a young man with dark red hair is standing, who's facial features are oddly similiar to those of Smith and Wesson, even if this man has a slight stubble around his chin and his features look somewhat more hardened. Lefty turns to the red-haired man, and adresses him with these words;
-Lefty: Well, what do you make of this, Colt? We'd like to hear your opinion on the situation.
-Colt: I must say Smith and Wesson are functioning quite well. For the first outing of these two, their performance is not bad at all, especially if you consider that they're just prototypes. Their physical abilities come quite close to matching mine. However, I've told you before that a copy will never match the original exactly, let alone surpass it. And then, these are still unfinished products in the end. At the moment, they're still holding out, but they've already made an error. They should've turned on Mouser both at the same time, it's the only way they would've had a solid chance. This way, at least one of them will be beaten. Sooner or later, I'll have to go up there and take care of things myself, I presume...
-Triclyde: Hmm, coming from you, that's plausible. But it doesn't matter. If Smith and Wesson really can't handle it all on their own, there's always you - the ideal which we are trying to emulate with our copies. It's a trump card even Mouser won't be able to defeat! Nyah ha ha ha!
Cut back to the deck of the Taurus. A close-up of Smith is shown, flexing his damaged arm, in which some cables and mechanics can be seen, shifting around. He's chuckling somewhat as he speaks up again to a disturbed-looking Mouser.
-Smith: Robot, you say? For fear of contradicting you, you are incorrect in your assumptions, young man. Wesson and I have been established on a base of human DNA, and our bodies consist of a most intricate mixture of synthetic living tissue, light yet resistant fiberglass parts, and actual machinery. So you see, we are far more than simple robots. We are the latest in synthetic bio-mechanical engineering! Hah!
Smith then looks up, very smug and certain of the impact of his boastful words, only to be greeted by an empty space; Mouser has vanished during his little speech. Smith's initial disappointment turns into surprise when he hears loud creaking and crashing noises behind him. He turns around to see Mouser tearing off the main mast of the Taurus. A terrified scream from Fryguy - who was still hiding in the crow's nest on top of that same mast and is now holding on for dear life - is heard, as Mouser swings the mast around, and brings it smashing into Smith's body, while shouting more obscenities at his foe. Like a ball smacked by a gigantic baseball bat, Smith soars off into the distance because of this blow, and a tell-tale column of water at the horizon shows where he's fallen into the sea.
-Mouser: Hah, go tell that to the fishes, you cow's ass!
-Fryguy: Eeeek! Mouser, put that mast down! I'm still in the crow's nest, and I don't wanna fall into the sea! I'm scared!
-Wesson: Smith! Hijo de puta, I won't forgive you!
Wesson then turns his attentions away from Mario and charges at Mouser, determined to avenge Smith's defeat. Mouser, hampered by the weight of the torn-off mast finds himself lacking the needed maneuverability to escape from this impending attack. But it is at that moment that Yoshi clambers back onto the deck, with a determined look on his face. He shoots out his tongue, which wraps around Wesson's ankle. Tackled, Wesson trips forwards with shout of "Mierda!" before being flung away into the sea by a powerful Yoshi tongue-swing. With both their foes dispatched, a silence follows in which Mouser stares at Mario and Yoshi briefly.
-Mouser: You guys... I can't believe it's you who've saved my ass.
Everyone remains motionless, somewhat unsure what to do. Koopa, Toad, Lakitu and the princess begin to regain their consciousness and clamber back on their feet, while Clawgrip also climbs back onto the Taurus' deck. Fryguy remains hidden in a distant corner, trembling from the grave nervous shock he just had. But this moment of calm doesn't last long, as a low rumble announces the arrival of something huge - the entire Desert Eagle submarine surfaces from the depths of the sea in front of the Taurus. Everyone looks at the large machine worriedly. Mouser's face in particular displays strong disbelief when a hatch in the Desert Eagle opens and Colt steps out onto the ship's hull. After surveying the scene briefly, Colt leaps onto the deck of the Taurus and faces the small group there with a smug grin. Mouser is the first to break the tense silence.
-Mouser: Colt?! Is that really you, the same Colt? Damn, I was hoping I'd never have to see your crummy face again!
-Colt: I see you haven't changed very much either, Mouser. But don't worry, I'm not here to settle old scores or anything. I like to think that I've left that sort of kids' stuff far behind me. The only reason I'm here is to pick up the treasure you've so kindly gathered on this ship. Be reasonable and just hand it over without making a fuss.
-Koopa: No! I've had that treasure stolen so I could buy me a stock of new foot lotion, and I'm not giving up on that!
-Toad: Oh, cripes. So that was your reason for coming to the Gatling Ocean all along... That's just really sad.
-Koopa: I don't care! I want my foot lotion, and I'm not gonna give up my treasure to that bum! Mouser, beat him up, quickly! You can do that, can't you?
-Mouser: *gulp* Lord... Lord Koopa, even for your sake... that is to say...
-Colt: Y'know, I really don't like bringing up old memories, but if you're not going to move over, we might have to resume our rivalry, Mouser. Just like in the old days...
Colt then puts an end to the conversation and lashes out at Mouser with both his fists. Mouser jumps backwards to avoid the blow, and before long the two are whirling around each other in a furious cloud of kicks and punches. However, despite the intensity of their assaults, no-one seems to be landing any clean hits or taking the upper hand in any way during this violent skirmish. The Taurus, however, does clearly suffer from the ferociousness of Mouser and Colt's clash. A missed punch from Mouser shatters most of the deck when it ends up hitting the wooden planks instead of Colt. When Colt's foot flies out to Mouser, but hits the masts instead, they all topple over with loud crashes. A grenade thrown by Mouser blows off further parts of the ship and sets fire to the remaining mess of broken planks and torn sails. Koopa and the others have gathered in a small circle, on a part of the ship that still decently holds together and isn't sinking, but all they can do is behold this spectacle with worried eyes. Or, in Fryguy's case, hysterical wails.
-Fryguy: Aieeeeh!! They're tearing the whole place apart with all that scary fighting! We're all going to die! I'm beyond totally scared, and I want to go home to my mommy! Eeeek!
-Clawgrip: All right, all right, we know that! But you try and explain to those two to play nice, I'm not going to get in between them.
-Lakitu: But, don't you lot notice anything strange? This Colt isn't an average human. Mouser is strong enough to shatter solid rock with his bare hands and to lift things at least a hundred times his size and weight. Any normal human should get pulverized with just one blow, but Colt seems to have no trouble resisting Mouser's strength. I'm not sure who or what he is, or if he's another kind of robot geezer... But from the way the duel is going, I believe his physical strength is equal to that of Mouser - they seem to have the exact same kind of brute power and insane resistance. It's the only way to explain the kind of constant stalemate they're maintaining...
-Colt: We have some very observant spectators in our crowd, it would seem. Not to mention monologue-happy ones. You're right about the constant stalemate bit though, speccie. Something has to be done about that. I don't have the time for a potentially endless duel as I just came to nick the swag. Apart from that, what little is left of this ship looks kinda shaky, so all that's left to do for me is to pull out tonight's show-stopper...
Colt's eyes narrow as a grin crosses his face. With a sudden burst, he then darts forward and places the palm of his left hand against Mouser's torso. A brief, sturdy press from his five fingertips follows, after which Colt takes a step backwards and watches how Mouser sways on his feet, somewhat dazed by this.
-Mouser: Urrrrgh...man, I feel strange. What was that kinda fondle you just did to me? What have you done? You bastard!
-Colt: It's an ancient oriental technique, where one triggers off different reactions in the body by numbing or stimulating precise points of the nervous system. See, I armed myself for the eventuality that I might come face-to-face with you, Mouser, I've taken everything into account. Your physical super-strength has now been blocked. Your body will just function as that of an average man aged eighteen who spent a bit too much time on phoney muscle-toning.
-Mouser: Bullshit... That's gotta be bullshit, I don't believe you!
To accentuate his words, Mouser slams his fist hard against the floor, but apart from a mild thud and a sore feeling in his wrist, this results in nothing at all. Mouser stares at the intact ground and his painful wrist with eyes like ping-pong balls, while Colt just shrugs and walks off into the ship's cargo room, from which he returns carrying a large sack marked "LOOT". He gives a quick wave to the others on the wreck of the Taurus, and then jumps back onto the Desert Eagle, where he disappears into a hatch while the giant submarine lowers itself into the sea again. Some creaking noises are heard as a few more bits break off the Taurus and tumble into the sea...
Fade out and cut to a shot inside the Desert Eagle. In a brightly-lit chamber, the damaged Smith and Wesson are suspended from the ceiling by multiple thick electric wires, while robotic arms and tiny robots complete the repairs on them. Just a few small patch-up jobs are needed to finish covering up the damage. While Triclyde and Colt stand by and watch, a very displeased Wesson complains loudly during the whole operation.
-Wesson: Madre dios, qué passa?! How could it be that the great Wesson has been beaten?! Grrr, when I next see that Mario character, I will kick him in the castagnettes something terrible!
-Lefty: Come to think of it, now that we are doing repairs on these two, couldn't we try to fix the bug in Wesson's speech circuits as well? He still mixes up his Hispanicisms and Italianisms...
-Righty: I'm afraid he has a few more microchips loose than that. We really have a lot of improving left to do on these prototypes if they're still this stupid. But that's all for later. At the moment, we're doing just fine. Both Koopa and Mario's teams have been left immobilized and completely helpless. The principal threat of Mouser has even been rendered nil, and we have a more than sufficient amount of treasure to provide all the funds we need for a while. We really owe you one, Colt. You've done some excellent work.
-Colt: Yeah, sure. Might as well spare me your gratitude, it's that treasure I'm really interested in.
-Triclyde: Eh? Buh... But that's mine! You can't!
-Colt: Since it's been stolen by my hand in the first place, I reckon it's only reasonable that I keep a good part of it to myself. You may have stored it in the Desert Eagle's cargo load, but I've no intention to let you sail away with the whole lot.
-Triclyde: No way! You're trying to double-cross us! You're showing your true colors now!
-Colt: Don't be so surprised. You should know that's to be expected when you deal with crooks. Although I prefer to apply the term "outlaw" to myself... I gave you my end of the deal, didn't I? You recruited me as a mercenary to fight for you and donate some body tissues for your wacky research, but that's all over now. The pay was decent at first, but I've grown tired of this. I'm bored of you lot. Just a bunch of dopes that use such cheap tricks. This is another walk of life where I won't be able to make a difference in the long run, but I'll at least grab some of the goods so that this won't have been a complete waste.
-Triclyde: We're not going to let you off so easily! Lefty, disengage Smith and Wesson from the repair system cables!
Lefty presses a big button on the wall next to him with his nose, and the cables holding up Smith and Wesson are unplugged with loud "thwack" noises. The two androids both land on their feet and place themselves between Triclyde and Colt.
-Smith: We will not allow you to harm Captain Triclyde. Colt, sir, you are as of now our primary target. Now that you have betrayed our cause, we cannot allow you to do as you please! Program command: kill Colt!
Smith and Wesson bar Colt's path while Triclyde quickly slithers out of the repair chamber. Cut to a shot of Triclyde hurriedly making off through the corridors of his ship.
-Triclyde: This is really, really bad! I hadn't reckoned on Colt turning against us. That guy is dangerous! What are we going to do?
-Righty: Stay calm, Clyde. I think it's going to be allright. The treasure is not, in fact, stored in the main cargo hold of the Desert Eagle. I've had all of it stashed into the escape ship so that we could quickly make off with the loot, just in case an enemy would catch up with us and things'd get ugly. Getting away with the treasure is the important part now.
-Triclyde: Run away like cowards and abandon our beautiful Desert Eagle, that's what you're suggesting?
-Righty: Yes. There is no better option. Now go on, be a brave boy and go to the escape ship. If you make it without crying once, you can have some extra pudding for dessert this evening.
-Triclyde: Oh boy, now you're talking! Let's do this!
Lefty and Righty exchange meaningful stares as Clyde bolts off towards the docks of the escape ship. He eventually reaches a large chamber, partly filled with water. An enormous navy blue Bullet Bill with a hatch in its side is floating on the water's surface. This is the escape ship in question. Clyde enters through the hatch and finds the inside of the ship littered with treasure - stuffed into chests, almost bursting from bloated bags or just scattered around on the floor. He pays no attention to this and hops into the control seat. A shot from outside the escape ship shows the giant Bullet Bill slowly diving below the water's surface as its engines buzz into motion. A large hatch in the bottom of the Desert Eagle opens, from which the escape ship is then launched with great force. As the escape ship shoots towards the ocean's surface, the camera cuts to a shot inside the escape ship, with an extremely giddy Triclyde at the commands.
-Triclyde: It's working! We're gonna make it!
-Righty: It does indeed look like we're going to have our cake and eat it, in ever sense of the phrase. I've made sure that all the data we gathered during our research on Colt's DNA have been copied from the main computer of the Desert Eagle into this ship's on-board computer. With that, we should be able to pick up our research pretty much where we left off.
-Lefty: Wow, you've really thought of everything, Righty. You make me feel so bone idle...
-Righty: You are. You were too busy dialing live phone sex numbers while I was organizing this masterful plan B. But I suppose nobody is perfect. If you do want to make yourself useful, send the self-destruct command to the Desert Eagle's computer. With any luck, Colt will die in the explosion, and we'll really be home safe.
Lefty answers this with an energetic nod. Cut back to a shot inside the Desert Eagle, where Colt has well and truly wiped the floor with Smith and Wesson. Disconnected bits and pieces of the artificial soldiers are scattered all over the place, staining the ship's pristine white corridors with pools of oil and cooling fluid as small sparks crackle from them. Colt looks mildly irked at the time he has lost dispatching these two hindrances, but his expression turns to shock when the corridors are suddenly bathed in red light, and a metallic voice announces the countdown to the ship's self-destruction between blaring sirens. Colt clenches his fists, cursing Triclyde's name. The screen fades to black as the blaring of the siren grows louder and louder...
Fade in to a slightly grainy, sepia-toned shot of a messy, graffiti-splashed street in a large metropolis. Mouser comes walking by, dressed in an unwashed, slightly too large and baggy schoolboy uniform. His voice is heard, narrating off-screen during these shots.
-"It all happened when I was still going to school, at seventeen. It was my last year there, and I remember it well because there was such a scare in the newspapers at that time. Turned out they found dead bodies of kids who had been doing drugs every few weeks, only the bodies weren't normal. There was always something strange about them, like twisted limbs, really deformed faces or just abnormal size, like they had all swollen up. Nobody knew what caused those deformations, the papers' best guess was just a side effect of a really warped and prob'ly lethal drug. I didn't really pay a lot of attention to all that anyway. I used to attend this really crappy school called the PPK Academy in one of the more run-down districts of the city. Colt was a classmate of mine, and I've always hated his guts."
Some brief shots are inserted, showing the enmity between Colt and Mouser: the two of them arguing over food in the cantine, Mouser beating up a gang of three thugs after school only to spot Colt wiping the floor with six thugs, Mouser spray-painting a slogan on a wall and Colt spray-painting something else over it as soon as Mouser's not looking, Colt pushing Mouser out of the way in a busy metro station, causing Mouser to miss the metro home. Mouser's narration continues during these shots:
-"He was always such a smug, showy bastard. He'd always do just the thing to piss me off, and he'd do it on purpose! Calling me names because I'm so short, outdoing me in everything I try to do, and basically behaving like a total jackass to me. So we never got along because he was such a constant jerk. There's one thing, especially, that I can never forgive him for..."
A shot of a corridor inside the PPK Academy is shown. Some distant noise is heard, gradually growing closer. Suddenly, Colt comes sprinting through the corridor with Mouser in hot pursuit. Mouser brandishes a chair which he took from a nearby classroom and flings it in Colt's direction. He misses, and the chair goes crashing through a large window with an immense shattering noise.
-Mouser: You bastard! You took the last gruyère sandwich from the cantine on purpose, because you knew that's my favorite! I'd been waiting all day to have that for lunch! You're not gonna get away with this!
-Colt: What's it matter anyway? A midget like you doesn't require a lot of food for his daily needs, so stop whining!
Furniture flies and noise erupts everywhere as the furious chase continues. A concerned schoolgirl ducks out of the way of a flying desk and scrambles into a classroom, where she finds the Physical Education instructor, mister Walther and turns to him with these words:
-"Mister Walther, you've got to do something! Colt and Mouser are fighting again, it's pandemonium out there! Please, mister Walther, Mouser will only listen to you!"
The teacher in question heads out to the ravaged hallway where Mouser runs past him, angrily waving his fists about. Mister Walther stops Mouser in his tracks by bellowing his name through the hallway. Mouser comes to a screeching halt, turns around and faces mister Walther. The PE instructor is a well-built and youngish-looking blond man. Mouser's snout rapidly reddens as he looks up to this attractive man. But his expressions then turns to one of crushed embarrassment when mister Walther then tells him, in a stern and disapproving voice that he had already been told hundreds of times not to pick fights like that, that he's a disappointment and a good-for-nothing, and that he is on some hefty detention for that afternoon. Mouser's narrative fades in again as a shot is shown of him sitting in detention class, later that afternoon, furiously clenching his fists.
-"...because of Colt, I always ended up looking bad in front of mister Walther. I feel kinda mushy saying this, but that guy was my real first love. I was serious, I would've done anything for him. Guess it was just one of those things. But it's Colt's fault that I never got anywhere."
Another shot fades in, this time of Colt holding a basketball. It's time to practice basic dunking in PE class. Colt nonchalantly bounces the ball on the floor a few times before grabbing it, running up to a hoop on the wall and flawlessly tossing it through the hoop. A pleased mister Walther nods approvingly. Mouser is next in line with the basketball. He looks up to the hoop on the wall, which seems so high for someone as short as him. But then, he takes a deep breath and decides that this is his chance to make a good impression on mister Walther. Fuelled by that thought, he dashes forward, shouting 'charrrge!' at the top of his voice... and misjudges his jump, crashing face-forward into the wall while the basketball uselessly bounces back onto the floor. This elicits loud, snide laughter from the rest of the class and a hopeless sigh from mister Walther. Mouser picks himself up from the ground again, his fists clenched and his snout trembling with anger and humiliation. After this scene, Mouser's voice picks up the narration again while a shot fades in showing Mouser sitting on the steps outside the school building, holding a newspaper. Soft rain is pattering down on the pavement, but it doesn't bother Mouser.
-"All that stuff was really getting to me. So when they started telling me that I was on the brink of getting kicked outta school for good because my grades were always so low, I didn't really mind. In fact, I was kinda relieved. I never liked the place, and never felt like actually putting some effort into school. I wasn't even gonna try anymore, and at least this way, nobody'd expect me to either. It was raining on the last day I actually still spent there. That was also the day I last saw Colt..."
Switch to a close-up of Mouser's newspaper. The front page is taken up by a foto of a messy corpse and alarmed headlines such as "Tenth Deformed Body Found! Mysterious deaths among teenage junkies continue! Corpse with hideously inflated head and bloated stomach shocks the city! Dangerous drug effect or prowling serial killer?" Etcetera. Mouser doesn't care, however. He fumbles with the large pages until he reaches the job adverts. There, a large ad with a foto of Koopa in a lurid costume catches his eye. The ad encourages readers to join the Koopa army, stating:
"Koopa wants you, all night long! Join the Koopa army and get yourself dirty in combat!"
Mouser stares, as if transfixed. The blood rushes to his head, his lower lip starts to quiver, and his ears twitch uncontrollably at the sight of Koopa's foto. However, he is snapped from his trance by the sound of footsteps. He looks up to see Colt standing in front of him, looking down on him with a smirk.
-Colt: I hear you're gonna be leaving us soon. Word has it that you're about to get kicked out.
There's a brief pause, then Mouser, animated with sudden energy, angrily folds up the paper he was reading, stuffs it in his pocket and abruptly stands up.
-Mouser: Yeah, that's damn right, I am leaving! I found something to do with my life, so I don't need this place or any of you bastards anymore. I am leaving, as in right now, and I'll never come back here!
-Colt: Well, that's good. I'm glad for you. How about a small farewell present, if this is gonna be your big exit? Y'know, I never really disliked you that much...
Colt holds out his hand, with a white capsule resting on his palm, which he offers to Mouser.
-Colt: Quality stuff. It'll make you feel incredible. Just the sorta thing for starting a new life.
-Mouser: Get twisted, sucker. I don't want anything that came from your dirty paws, 'specially not if I gotta swallow it.
-Colt: Yeah, right. Don't tell me you never took dope before. You don't know how it's done?
Refusing to take provocation lying down, Mouser brusquely snatches the pill from Colt's hand and pops it down his throat.
-Mouser: All right, all right, I'll take your dumb pill already. Just to commemorate that this is the last I'll ever see of your ugly...
But Mouser's speech suddenly stops dead, as he is overcome by a wave of pain. Gagging noises and unarticulated wheezing are the only things he emits for a while, until he buckles over backwards, grasped by violent, painful spasms. Eyes bulging out, mouth foaming and limbs twitching, he slams to the floor, where he thrashes around uncontrollably, screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he manages to breathe. Too late, a connection between Colt, drugs, and the deformed bodies in the papers flashes in his mind. In one last fit of agony, he arches upwards like a grotesque caterpillar... and then flops back onto the rain-drenched pavement, limp and aching, but still breathing in raspy, irregular fashion. Colt, who had been watching the entire macabre spectacle comes a little closer, and looks pleased to find Mouser still alive.
-Colt: Well, I'll be. You could make a good lab-rat, you're the first test subject who comes outta this alive and looking the same as before.
-Mouser: You... harrff... what have... what have you done to me?!
Slowly, still breathing with difficulty through some leftover stings of pain, Mouser clambers to his feet again, and repeats his question. He find the energy to raise his voice and bellow one more "what have you done to me?!" furiously, and plunges both his fists towards Colt. Colt ducks out of the way, however, and Mouser's fists end up hitting a concrete wall of the school building. With an enormous crash, the wall in question is pulverized by Mouser's punch, and a large chunk of the building comes tumbling down. Mouser stares in shock, and his surprise increases when he finds that Colt has vanished when he looks around him.
What Mouser never knew, that day, was that Colt wasn't far away while he was still digesting the staggering fact of his new-found superhuman strength. Colt had in fact bolted into a nearby alleyway, and was sprinting back to his home as quickly as he could, drunk with the feeling of victory. After many failed attempts that had resulted in bleak ends for the test subjects that he had picked off the street among the many wandering drug addicts, he had finally gotten the formula right for a substance that would grant him immense strength. All that remained to be done was to take the formula for himself now...
The screen meanwhile fades back to a full-color close-up of Mouser with a view of the blue sky over the Gatling Ocean in the background. Speaking half to himself, he finishes his story as follows:
-Mouser: Ever since then I've been strong as an ox, like the saying goes. It wasn't hard to get into the Koopa army with qualifications like that. As for Colt, I suppose he took whatever crap he gave to me in that pill for himself as well. Probably had some kinda megalomaniac trip going, I dunno...
The screen then rapidly zooms out to reveal that Mouser really is talking to himself. He's standing on a raft made from whatever debris of the Taurus would still float, with everyone else packed together onto the small space as well - both Koopa and his men, and Mario and his companions. All of them, however, have their backs firmly turned on Mouser and are intently huddled around Toad who fumbles with his portable TV. A pulsing vein pops onto Mouser's forehead when he realises that he's being ignored.
-Mouser: Hey! What's the big idea?! You ask me to explain how come I know Colt, and then you don't even listen to my sob story! Bunch of bastards!
-Clawgrip: Sssh, be quiet, Mouser. We're trying to radio for help on that thing. This is important!.
-Fryguy: Yu...yeah! That's right! You d-d-don't have your strength anymore, so now you can't boss us around!
A short silence follows after this unusual outburst of assertiveness on Fryguy's behalf. Briefly, Fryguy feels a glow of achievement. Mouser just cynically raises an eyebrow at him, then picks him up and dangles him over the edge of the raft, just out of reach of the scary water. Fryguy explodes into a blur of helpless gesticulation, panicked screams, and pleas for mercy. Mouser pays him no mind and leans over the shoulder of the others to take a look at Toad and his portable device.
-Mouser: So, any luck with that so far?
-Toad: Not much. There's a small radio transmitter built into this, but its reach isn't very strong. Bloody cheap tourist stuff, that's what this is.
No sooner has Toad passed this verdict over the device he's holding then the antenna breaks off and disappears into the water below. The portable telly-com-transmitter is now completely useless.
-Toad: ... Oh, crap.
-Koopa: So I suppose now we'll never get hold of the Hermaphrodite Hardcore channel...
-Toad: Who cares about that? The really bad news is that we're almost certainly going to die here. And whatever way it'll happen, it won't be pretty. If we don't get eaten by sea monsters, we'll starve or go crazy from exposure to the sun and start killing each other, or catch a rare disease and crumble to bits or some kind of gross thing like that.
-Mario: And the worst part is, we have to die on the same raft as our worst enemies! It's so frustrating!
-Mouser: Well, if you don't like that, we could always toss you overboard first. You can drown all by yourself, see if I care.
-Mario: Oh yeah? Oh yeah?! Uh... uhm... Oh yeah?!!
-Princess: Mario, you're being pathetic...
-Mario: Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?!!
-Everyone: Yes, you are.
-Mario: But... But he started it! The rat's looking for a fight, and now that he's just got normal strength, maybe he should be the one who gets tossed overboard!
Mouser puts Fryguy back onto the raft and glares at Mario, who glares back. The two size each other up, ready for a duel to the death. The others try to suggest some caution, pointing out that it's not exactly productive to start killing each other like this. Except for Fryguy, he just cries and whines. But before the situation can really get out of hand, everyone is distracted by the noise of large bubbles breaking on the water's surface. Everyone turns to look at the source of the noise; a small distance from their raft, the water is beginning to bubble ever more violently, until something suddenly bursts from the sea with great force. The giant blue Bullet Bill escape ship from the Desert Eagle shoots out of the sea and soars away into the sky, splashing bucketfuls of water around. Everyone watches, somewhat mistified, as this sudden interruption turns to nothing more but a tiny speck in the sky. At the same moment, a lesser noise is heard, and Colt pops up on the surface, searching the sky for the escape ship he just followed to the surface, swimming with all his might. He swears under his breath when he notices how far away Triclyde has gotten, but then notices the raft with Mouser and the others on it. He hesitates for a while, then swims towards the raft and climbs aboard.
-Fryguy: Eeek!! It's that scary guy who wrecked the Taurus! Keep him away from me!
-Colt: Shut up! Mouser, listen to me, I've got no time to lose. I need to make a deal with you; I'll give you back your superhuman strength, but I want you to do me a favor in return.
-Mouser: I'd rather eat shit!
-Lakitu: Mouser, don't be like that! With your strength back, we could all be saved! None of us want to die here!
A flash of realization strikes Mouser's rather dense brain as a result of these words, and he turns to Colt eagerly.
-Mouser: Allright, Colt, I'll do it! I'll do it, so long as I don't have to lick you someplace gross or something like that.
-Colt: Idiot! Of course not! What I want you to do when you have your strength back is to pick me up and throw me as hard as you can in the direction of that blue bullet ship that just flew past. You did see the ship I mean, right? You can't have missed it.
-Mouser: That's it? Easy! You're on!
Colt nods and the closes his eyes. Cut to a close-up of Colt holding out his hand in front of him. An insert song begins to play; Macho Man by the Village People as Colt's palm begins to emit a slight glow. He then places his palm on Mouser's forehead and gives a quick tap on it with his fingertips. Mouser's eyes widen, and an enormous grin appears on his snout as he feels his usual force flowing back into him. He stretches his arms a few times, then punches the air triumphantly.
-Mouser: Yahoo! That's it! My strength is back! I feel like a new mouse, I feel great! And now for your end of the deal, Colt...
Taking Colt by surprise, Mouser snatches his old rival by the ankle. Holding him by the ankles, Mouser begins to spin him around, similiar to an Olympic hammer-thrower, until releasing him, thus sending him catapulting off into the vast reaches of the sky with a loud scream... roughly in the direction that Triclyde's escape ship took. Colt tumbles through the air uncontrollably, barely able to catch his breath, until he spots the speeding blue Bullet Bill ahead of him. He tries to lunge for the craft, but Mouser's throw was too forceful and imprecise. As a result, Colt widely misses his target and goes sailing past, idly grabbing at the ship and shouting out a thousand curses. Inside the escape ship, Triclyde blinks a few times and gives Lefty a puzzled look.
-Triclyde: Hey, did something just fly past us? A kind of screaming bird?
-Lefty: Don't worry, it's nothing.
-Righty: Although it -was- kinda close...
-Lefty: Shhh! Clyde doesn't need to know, don't upset him! We -did- get away with all the loot we need, it looks like we're really home and dry now.
The escape ship continues its speedy course into the horizon and fades from view. Colt, meanwhile, is still hurtling off at breakneck speed, completely out of control and terribly pissed off.
-Colt: Mousuhhhrrrr! Idiooot! That was too haaa-aaahrd! Aaaargh!
Cut to a wide shot of the Gatling Ocean, where the dinky little raft with Koopa, Mario and the all others on it is now flying forward at immense speed. Mouser has dived into the water, grabbed hold of the raft's rear and is now pushing it forward by paddling furiously with his legs in the water. Everyone is exhiliarated at the insane speed which is driving them forward. Except for Fryguy, he just shrieks and wails.
-Princess: Woohoohh! Now this is speed! Go, go!!
-Lakitu: Say, uh... does anyone know where we're going?
-Koopa: Who cares?! At this rate, we'll get to some coast somewhere soon enough, we just need to keep going! Wooh!
-Yoshi: Look! I can see cliffs up ahead already! We've found land!
-Princess: Yahoo! Way to go!
-Lakitu: But, uh... how are we going to stop?
-Koopa: Who cares?! Just keep going! Faster!
-Fyguy: Noooo!! Aieeeeh!!
The little raft slams against the cliffs with its full force, instantly reducing the raft to a cloud of toothpicks and hurling its passengers onto the shore, except for Mouser who bangs his head against the cliffs and lies motionless in the shallow coastal waters afterwards while a large crack appears in the cliffside. The insert song abruptly stops at this moment, and the camera fades to a shot of the same cliffs later that day, at the moment when the sun begins to set. Koopa and the Princess are the first to have woken up after the rough landing that knocked everyone unconscious. As soon as she was able to get on her feet, the Princess stormed a nearby barnyard and stole a mule with a cart from there. She has loaded Mario, Yoshi and Toad, all of them still motionless, but quite alive despite some bumps and scrapes into said cart and is about to drive away, adding these parting words to Koopa.
-Princess: I'd better go first like this. We can't be seen together too often, and our respective flunkies always have a tendency to start fighting. I'll take these bozos away, you fend for yourself.
-Koopa: Uh, okay. Toodle-ooh.
The mule trots off with the cart, and plops some fresh droppings onto the ground as it disappears out of sight. Koopa scratches his bum absent-mindedly, until he hears some splashing noises behind him. Mouser is clambering out of the water, thoroughly soaked and with a big lump on his head. He coughs up some water, then looks up sheepishly to Koopa.
-Koopa: Hey, you okay?
-Mouser: Yeah, just got bumped around a bit, but it's nothing I can't handle.
-Koopa: Say, there's something funny I noticed. You pushed that raft all the way here, but I thought you always said you couldn't swim...
-Mouser: Huh? Oh, uh... I was swimming back there? Yeah... guess I was!
Overcome by a surge of pride and joy, Mouser makes a victorious gesture and begins to shout.
-Mouser: Allright! I can swim! I can fight, and... err, I can punch stuff! It's great to be myself again! I feel... just great...
With a bonk, he then falls backwards, crippled by fatigue. He remains flat on his back, fast asleep and snoring with his mouth wide open, but looking radiant and satisfied. Camera zooms out from his sleeping mug and gradually cuts to a wide bird's-eye view shot of the Gatling Ocean, which then fades to black...
END of this episode.