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Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!

By Toasty
-Mario: Just when you thought it was safe to crawl behind your monitor again, it's the return of the Super Mario Brothers Freaky Show!

Episode 16: The Legend of Zigra - Three's a Crowd

-"Plumber's log, number 198X. We had traveled to the land of High-Rise, because we had heard the beautiful Princess Zigra was looking for a new hero to defend a sacred object of great power.....Okay, I'll come clean, this is really a special "Legend of Zigra" episode. For those unfortunate enough to have seen our original series, you may remember that every five episodes or so, you were subjected to a mini-series about some fat-faced dopey yank kid in green skirts who could only whine "excyuuuose meeh", and tried to rape anything in sight. He is of no relation to Koopa, by the way. In any case, this episode is going to revive that trend and make it even worse. Don't say I didn't warn you.... But back to our story, where we had just arrived at High-Rise castle, where Princess Zigra welcomed us..."

Pan around some views of the medieval grassland country of High-Rise, while a techno-funk-flamenco remix of the Legend of Zelda theme plays in the background, then zoom in to a view of High-Rise castle. Cut to a view inside a tower chamber. The door opens, and Princess Zigra walks in, followed by the Mario, Toad, Yoshi and the Princess. Zigra points to an object on a pedestal in the middle of the room.

-Zigra: This, Mario, is the Trifle-Force of Strawberries. The evil wizard Grumpton has the Trifle-Force of Tangerines. When the two Trifle-Forces are put together, the most delicious dessert in the world will be created. It's your job as the new hero of High-Rise to defend the Trifle-Force of Strawberries from Grumpton.

-Mario: New hero? Hang on, you mean to say I got the job, just like that?

-Zigra: Mwell... Believe me, if I had a choice, I'd kick you out this instant, but you're the only one who applied for the job. I'm afraid I'll have to hire you, this land needs a heroic defender of -some- sort. And I sure as hell can't do this hero thing, there are no undertaking and assertive female characters in such shows as this.

-Toad: True, alas. So, does it pay much?

-Zigra: Pay? Hah! Listen, I make the rules here, and this is not a cushy office job. If you do your job well, you get to stay alive. If you mess up, you will end up...like him!

With a dramatic gesture, Zigra then points out of the castle window. The camera follows her finger to the castle courtyard where a dead body, clad is scraggy green-ish clothes and pointy hat is dangling from a noose.

-Zigra: The dead body over there is what is left of Lunk, our former hero. During the last attack from Grumpton and his forces, he didn't show up to protect the Trifle-Force at all. His excuse was that, at that time, he was being questioned by the police who suspected him of serial rape crimes. And the only thing that ticks me off more than failure to do one's job is a lame excuse, so this is what became of him! Let this be a warning to you bozos! Don't you dare screw up!

-Toad: Hmm...there seem to be a lot of tyrannic and overly brutal female characters in a series like this, on the other hand...

-Mario: But, Princess Zigra, I don't understand this. Why is it so important to protect that trifle thing? Who cares about making a delicious dessert enough to turn it into some kind of huge war?

-Zigra: I do! And if you have a problem with that, there's a guillotine I'd like you to meet so you two can talk it over! Now stop asking dumb questions and do your job! You must guard the Trifle-Force with your lives!

Zigra then stampedes out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. After a few seconds of silence, everyone lets out a long sigh.

-Toad: Oh man, that was frightening...

-Mario: I know, I almost started to wee in my slip. It looks like we're stuck with this "job", whether we like it or not....gee, and I thought this would be a chance to earn some easy extra income to perhaps pay our scriptwriters....

-Yoshi: Hmmm...so this Trifle-Force could make the most delicious dessert in the world? It does look kinda tasty....

-Toad: Yoshi, no! You'll get us all killed! This is terrible, we shouldn't stay here, that Zigra person is nuts! I don't feel safe here. I get the feeling she'll execute us at the first possible excuse she can think of. I mean, suppose she gets a bad case of PMS?

-Yoshi: You have a point...so, you're saying we have to escape and flee like a bunch of wussies?

-Mario: Why, of course! What a brilliant idea! We will escape in a discreet fashion by eviscerating Luigi, after which we can use his bones to build an escape ladder and climb out of the tower!

-Toad: Only, we've left Luigi downstairs with the luggage. And besides, it'd be easier to just escape via the door and use the stairs to get down. Like this, see?

To demonstrate, Toad swings open the exit door to the room they're standing in, only to find himself face-to-face with Zigra, who was standing right behind that same door.

-Toad: Uwaaaah!

-Zigra: Oi, turn down the noise. I only forgot me powder compact in this room.

-Toad: Oh...right...*muttering* This is another fine mess we've gotten ourselves into...

Fade out and cut to a view of High-Rise's lofty grass hills. Zoom in to a figure sitting on a tree stump, who is actually Koopa. Fryguy is sitting on the grass next to the tree stump. Koopa absent-mindedly picks his nose while humming a melody;

-Koopa: La la la...swing your arse from side to side, and then again, come on, do me Mario, tra la la, dum dee dum...

-Fryguy: P...please, Lord Koopa, such an obscene lyric is not fitting for the ruler of a great evil empire.

-Koopa: Aww, shut up. I can't help being bored. It's taking forever to find this dumb Underworld entrance thingie we're supposed to find. I wish they'd move their arses.

-Fryguy: But...but Lord Koopa, this whole plan seems so illogical to me. Why are we the ones who have to go into the dark and creepy Underworld to steal the Trifle-Force of Tangerines from the evil wizard Grumpton, while our undercover agent Princess Toadstool gets the easy job and only has to nick the Trifle-Force of Strawberries from the bright and pleasant High-Rise castle? It seems unfair to me!

-Koopa: Mwell...y'know, it was the Princess' idea. She insisted, and I was overwhelmed by her butch authority.

-Fryguy: Oh no...it looks as if Lord Koopa is not the one who wears the pants in this relation, both in the literal and the figural sense... I'm just sure that scary things will happen in this underworld when we do find the entrance!

-Koopa: Oh well, while the boys are off to find the entrance to the Underworld, I'll just read the latest issue of Foot Fethish Monthly magazine!

-Fryguy:...I don't think he's taking the situation seriously at all....

But just when Koopa wants to dig into his obscene magazine, Mouser and Lakitu pop up in the background.

-Mouser: Oiii! We found it!

-Koopa: Knackers...

Cut to Koopa, Mouser, Fryguy and Lakitu standing in front of a huge stone structure resembling a gaping monster's maw, embedded in one of the grassy hillsides. Vaguely eerie organ music doodles along a bit in the background.

-Lakitu: We are quite sure that this is the so-called Underworld entrance you sent us to find, Lord Koopa.

-Koopa: It took you so long to find it? A huge thing like this? How could you have missed it?

-Lakitu: Well, for a considerable period of time, we thought it was an enormous and intricately decorated gothic pisspot.

-Mouser: Sure smells that way, at any rate.

-Koopa: Hmmm, yes...That's probably true. Well then, it's time to go. Boys, our job is to nick the fabled Trifle-Force hidden deep within this Underworld. Our undercover agent will bring us the second Trifle-Force. Now, rumor has it that when the two are put together, unlimited power will be in our hands. But first, we must face deadly perils, hordes of monsters and terrible deathtraps in this Underworld!

-Lakitu: Excuse me, Lord Koopa, but if this Underworld is such a big deal, how come we're going in with only four people. You have a large army of monsters of your own, why not use that? With just four men, we are heading for certain death in there.

-Koopa: Ah...well, yes, that did occur to me...only, the soldiers didn't get their wages paid this month, so they're on strike. You're the only ones who followed me to High-Rise in the first place.

-Lakitu: *sigh* I knew there was a catch somewhere....

-Fryguy:...Ah...allright, that does it! I'm nuh-not going in there! It's too scary! You said there'd be deadly perils, hordes of monsters and terrible deathtraps in this Underworld, and we only have four people! It's suicide, I won't follow you, I'm way too scared! Whatever you say, I'm not going into a scary place like that with no chance of survival!

A short silence follows Fryguy's outburst during which, for a short moment, Fryguy feels the glow of having impressed the others....

-Mouser: Fine then, stay here. Who needs ya anyway?

-Lakitu: That's true, he's of no use at all, no matter what the situation is. Whether we take him with us or not makes no difference at all.

-Koopa: Too true. Well, let's go in, boys. Our undercover operative will be on her way with the other Trifle-Force soon. We must have recovered the Underworld Trifle-Force in time to meet her and put the two together. There's no time to lose!

Koopa, Mouser and Lakitu then march into the large Underworld entrance and are swallowed by the shadows. Fryguy stays behind, his lips trembling with growing sobs.

-Fryguy: They...they just left me behind? Sniff...they don't care about me at all! Waah, everybody hates me, they're all mean to me! Boo hoo, I'm so miserable....

Fade out while his whines can still be heard. Cut to a shot of Koopa, Mouser and Lakitu walking through an eerie corridor of the Underworld. Lakitu nudges Koopa and whispers to him;

-Lakitu: Milord, we should put our secret strategy into action at this moment, remember?

-Koopa: Oh, that's right...let's see now...

Koopa then clears his throat and speaks out loud with some very phony intonations, clearly acting very poorly;

-Koopa: Well, well, my my my, I say, this Underworld certainly looks creepy and dangerous. In fact, it'd almost have me a little worried. But luckily, we have our one-man SWAT team right here. He's a guy you can count on!

He pats Mouser on the shoulder a few times while saying those words. Mouser then immediately turns around and stares at Koopa with huge eyes, while his snout turns red with a blush.

-Mouser: ....Lord Koopa...

-Koopa: *a-herm* Mouser m'boy, I know you can handle this. No matter what hordes of fiends and devils will be thrown at us, you'd always protect me, with your strong, lean and firm body and excellent fighting spirit, wouldn't you?

-Mouser: Eh....uhm...*gulp* ye....yes...YES, OF COURSE!!!

Having roared out these words with his full force (causing Koopa to hold onto his ringing ears), Mouser storms off into the distance, firing random guns around him and belting out shouts of "Banzai!". Koopa then turns to Lakitu with a slightly puzzled look.

-Koopa: Errr...was that right? Those were the lines you told me to say to him, weren't they?

-Lakitu: Yes, that's it. You've memorized them well, and Mouser reacted just like I predicted he would. With him in a state like this, we don't need to be worried about any enemy or obstacle we may encounter.

-Koopa: *blank stare*.....Ooohhhh, so -that- is how your strategy works! I get it now! Gee, how clever, I would've never thought of that!

-Lakitu: ...Errrr, right...That's exactly the problem with you.

-Koopa: Well, at this rate, we will surely find the Trifle-Force of Tangerines in time to meet the Princess with her Trifle-Force.

Fade out and cut back to the tower chamber of Zigra's castle, where the Trifle-Force of Strawberries is being kept. The "heroes" Mario, Yoshi and Toad are leaning out of a window, staring blankly, while the Princess paces up and down the room in the background.

-Toad: Gee, I never thought being in mortal peril could be so dull.

-Yoshi: Mortal peril? That sounds like a kind of praline. Maybe it's tasty...

Zoom in on the Princess, who nervously checks her watch and casts shifty glances over to the others. She mumbles to herself, unheard by the others;

-Princess: The time to put our plan into action should be just about now. I have to steal this half of the Trifle-Force and head for the appointed meeting place, where Koopa will bring me the other one. I'm not so sure anymore if these Trifle-Forces really are the source of great power that the rumors pretend them to be...a dessert thingie was not what I expected, but it won't hurt to try. We should still be able to sell them on the black market for a good price if they turn out to be just useless pieces of rubbish. Anyway, first step is to distract those three bozos.

To that end, the Princess suddenly points into the distance and shouts excitedly;

-Princess: Oohhhh! Mario, Yoshi, Toad! Look over there! It's a gigantic walking pile of cow dung!

-Mario, Yoshi & Toad: Whaaaat? Where?

Mario and the others start to intently peer out of the window at the distance. The Princess takes advantage of this time out to grab the Trifle-Force and quickly tiptoe away with it in demonstratively sneaky fashion. After a while, Toad turns around.

-Toad: What are you talking about, Princess? I don't see anything at all.....wait a minute, I still don't see anything at all.

-Mario: That's true, the room is empty all of a sudden. The Princess is no longer here, and the pedestal where that trifle thing was is empty too now.

-Mario, Toad & Yoshi: Oh, holy crap!!

-Mario: What shall we do?! The Trifle-Force has suddenly vanished! It's a catastrophe, Zigra will kill us!

-Toad: Stay calm, Mario! It's imperative that you stay cool and controlled! Be calm! You must be calm!! At any cost you -must- stay calm!!

-Mario: Errr....Your screaming doesn't exactly have a soothing effect, though...

-Yoshi: Seriously though, guys, we should think of what we should do!

At that moment, the door slams open and Zigra barges is, looking utterly furious;

-Zigra: How about you just say your prayers?!

-Toad: Kyaah! Zigra!

-Mario: There is only one honorable way out of this sure-death situation; suicide!

Mario then hops out of the tower's window. In their attempts to stop him, Yoshi and Toad end up stumbling and being dragged down with Mario. They plummet away into the depths with agonizing shrieks. But they land in a cart full of soft hay, which then rides out of the castle. Zigra, who has observed this from the high tower window, is foaming at the mouth with anger.

-Zigra: Aaarrrgh! I knew those idiots couldn't be trusted! I'm sure it's the cheap tramp in the pink dress who ripped off the Trifle-Force, she did look like a shifty thieving bitch. Right then, I want every man, woman and transsexual in the kingdom mobilized! Find them, and kill them!

Zoom out of High-Rise castle while Zigra's furious barking can still be heard, then cut to close-ups of Mario, Yoshi and Toad who's heads have popped up from the hay that saved their lives. The haycart which they're using as clandestine transportation is rolling down a small country road.

-Toad: Oh, however -did- I know that a bit of completely unlikely coincidence and improbable dumb luck would save our otherwise doomed, miserable lives?

-Mario: Because that always happens. We're short on decent plot devices. Still, at least we got out of that castle. Only now we'll have Zigra and all the manpower she can summon on our heels.

-Yoshi: By the way, what could have happened to the Princess? She has mysteriously vanished....

Everyone takes on an extremely thick, pensive expression. A flock of cawing crows flies past in the background. Toad eventually clears his throat and tries to look very serious.

-Toad: Well... All I know is that I can't make sense of it.

-Yoshi: Maybe the one who stole the Trifle-Force has eaten the Princess as well while we weren't looking!

-Mario: It could be that there is a connection of some kind between these events. It's all deeply mysterious, however. At any rate, I remember there's supposed to be a second Trifle-Force, owned by the evil wizard Grumpton who governs the Underwear.

-Toad: That's Underworld, Mario....

Screen fades out and the cuts to a dramatic view of an Underworld chamber. A huge throne, surrounded by eerie glowing torches is perched in the center of this room, with a figure clad in long black robes seated on it. Behind the throne, an especially intense flame glows from a sacrificail urn perched on an impressively sculpted pedestal. Zoom in to the figure on the throne to reveal that this is the evil wizard Grumpton.

-Grumpton: Hee hee hee! Aiii am the eeeevil wizzzard Grrrumpton, and Aiiii talk in a ztoooopid echoing voiiiice, so nobody can make out a worrrrd of what I'm saiyeeeeeng! Wee hee hee!

At that moment, a Stalfos skeleton rushes in and bows down before Grumpton, speaking these words;

-Stalfos: Lord Grumpton! Please drop your stupid phony echoing voice for a moment and listen carefully. We have a terrible emergency on our hands! A small group of invaders has penetrated into the Underworld and are making their way to your throne room. We're fighting them with all our manpower, but we're getting our arses kicked very royally!

-Grumpton: Gasp! Are you serious? Could it be Zigra and Lunk trying to nick my Trifle-Force of Tangerines?

-Stalfos: No, our troops have confirmed that these invaders are not Zigra and Lunk. We don't know what their motivations are either. But they're the most dangerous threat we had to face so far!

-Grumpton: Arrgh! Whoever those people are, they're after my Trifle-Force of Tangerines, I'm sure of it! I won't let them rip it off, never! Soldier, go back there and throw your full force at them! Let every single monster of the underworld bundle it's powers against them!

The nameless, unimportant Stalfos drags itself out of the room, while Grumpton plucks a tacky-looking crystal ball from underneath his wizard's robes and grins.

-Grumpton: Nee hee hee! Lucky I keep my balls cunningly stashed inside my robes where I always have them handy in case I want to play with them! Now then, after this outburst of blatantly obscene innuendo which is this show's only redeeming feature, show me, my pretty crystal ball, show me who these intruders are....

Grumpton wiggles his hands around in front of the crystal ball a bit, and it lights up briefly. Zoom in to the crystal ball, where an image of Mouser, Koopa and Lakitu appears, who are running through the corridors of the Underworld.

-Grumpton: Hmmm, I don't know these people at all. And there are only three of them. It's hard to believe my soldiers would have such a hard time with them. Well, whoever they are, I won't let them have my Trifle-Force. Ahh, my beautiful and delicious Trifle-Force of Tangerines!

With a dramatic gesture, Grumpton turns to his Trifle-Force, located on a small pedestal right next to his throne, and begins to run his hands along the object.

-Grumpton: Oh, my yummy Trifle-Force, how I adore your rich, juicy and fruity flavor. You taste so fresh and sweet, and you're made from carefully selected, entirely natural ingredients. You look so tasty already, it's hard to imagine that you will become the most delicious dessert in the universe once I unite you with that grotty bitch Zigra's Trifle-Force of Strawberries. But one day, I will taste this ultimate dessert, it is my greatest ambition, and nobody will stop me! In the meantime, I think I'll just have a tiny little nibble from you, my delightful Trifle-Force of Tangerines. Miam, miam... But wait, this won't do! I must concentrate on the crisis at hand!

Grumpton picks up his crystal ball again and takes another look at the invaders.

-Grumpton: Hmmm...the fat guy looks vaguely familiar... Hang on! Now I remember where I've seen that one before!

He digs into the many folds of his black robes again, this time to produce a newspaper which he unfolds in front of him. Cut to a close-up of this newspaper where Koopa's photo is featured on a page with the following header;

-Perverted Would-be Megalomaniac founds Association for Foot-Fethish Awareness-

The camera then scrolls down to reveal a portion of the article's text underneath the large photo of Koopa, which reads thus;

-Recently, a bold initiative has been taken up by local celebrity King Koopa (a.k.a Bowser Koopa, but our writers are in denial about it). He has founded a society to promote the awareness and emancipation of the world-wide foot lover's movement, with the catchy name of "Friends of Feet". Of course, the fact that the FoF still has no such things as a programme, fundings or a budget of any kind may strike one as hopelessly stupid, but multiple sexual harassment suspect Koopa is optimistic nonetheless, idiot that he is.-

Cut back to Grumpton who flings away this newspaper and flashes a huge grin.

-Grumpton: I see, I see! I have unearthed a capital weakness in my enemy. This gives me the advantage now! This Koopa must be strong to battle my troops with such success, but his obsession with feet will be his downfall! He will never get his hands on my Trifle-Force of Tangerines alive!

Grumpton giggles hysterically as the screen fades out and cuts to a shot of Mouser holding a hand grenade. A horde of underworld monsters is assembling in the background, ready to rush at him, but he merely smirks, removes the grenade's pin and chucks it at the monsters, who immediately die in the fiery explosion.

-Mouser: Pff, this is almost too easy. Why do big overlord nasties always depend on such crap underlings?

-Lakitu: Beats me. But at any rate, that lot you just blew up seem to have been the last of them for the time being. This hall's all clear, we can move on, now.

The three of them proceed through a large hallway littered with the corpses of Grumpton's soldiers, until suddenly, a loud rumbling noise is heard. They turn around to see a large door in the wall to their right slowly sliding open.

-Lakitu: That door opening slowly... is it a new attack wave? What's behind that door?

With a loud clank, the door finally slides open completely. Cut to a close-up of Mouser, Lakitu and Koopa's faces staring in amazement at what has just been revealed to them.

-Mouser: Well, that certainly is....different.

-Lakitu: Yes...it is, rather....

-Koopa: Brilliant! It's magnificent! Delicious! Irresistible!

Cut to a shot of the three standing in the large doorway which, now fully open, reveals a room where a giant pink plush foot rests against the wall.

-Koopa: It's a huge footsie!

Screen zooms out to some dramatic music chords, then fades out and cuts to Fryguy, sitting on the grass in front of the Underworld entrance, sobbing miserably.

-Fryguy: Boo hoo...sniff, they really left me here to die all alone. They don't care about me at all. Everyone hates me... Fine then, if it's like that, I'm going to kill myself! I'll stick my head in a bucket of water! Serves them right!

He rises up in determination, only to jump aside with a frightened shriek again as the bushes behind him move and the Princess, carrying the Trifle-Force of Strawberries emerges from the thicket, giving him a blank stare.

-Princess: Oh, you're that wussy one who smokes too much. I seem to be on time after all. Quickly, tell me where Koopa is.

-Fryguy: Ye...yes, he's in there. But it's scary there....

Fryguy timidly points to the underworld gate behind him. The Princess looks at it for a while, then begins to walk in the gate's direction, taking Fryguy's hand and dragging him along with her.

-Princess: Right, let's get going, then.

-Fryguy: What are you saying?! No! I don't want to go in there! Eeeek! No! Lemme go, leggo, leggo, leggo! Heeelp! I'm being abducted! Ayeeehh! I want my mommeeee!

-Princess: Will you shut up, or do you want to alert every monster in there with that noise?! Now, you're going to lead me to Koopa, and quickly. Any minute now, that maniac Zigra might pick up my trail and come this way, and she -definitely- is more scary and deadly than you can imagine. It's imperative that I get to Koopa and we scram as quickly as can be, or we will -all- die! And if you don't keep quiet, I'll empty a bottle of mineral water over your head!

-Fryguy: Uhm...only, I don't know where lord Koopa is in there....

Zoom out to reveal that they've penetrated a good deal into the underworld's hall by now. A solid door slides down behind them, blocking the path back to the exit.

-Princess: Now you tell me?! You idiot! You complete and absolute useless idiot!

-Fryguy: Eeeek! Don't shout or do anything scary, pleeeease! I'm so terrified already, I could just have a fatal heart attack! Why does scary stuff like that happen all the time, it's so unfair...sniff, whine....

-Princess: Well, at least this way, there's less chance of Zigra tracking me down.

Cut to a shot outside of the Underworld entrance. The hay cart carrying Mario, Yoshi and Toad comes trundling past slowly. Suddenly, a noise is heard and a sharp arrow cleaves through the air, killing the old man that was driving the hay cart with a clean shot through the head. Zigra and a batallion of soldiers then appear, and upon her command, the soldiers point their bows at the hay cart. Zigra then speaks up in a loud and commanding tone;

-Zigra: Allright, you kleptomaniac bastards! We know you're hiding in that hay cart, now come out at once or we'll turn you into humanoid pin cushions!

Mario, Toad and Yoshi emerge from the large stash of hay, trembling somewhat.

-Toad: Oh crap... we're all dead now.

-Zigra: Damn right you are. Now tell me where you've left my Trifle-Force and you may still get some mercy.

-Yoshi: Uhm...but, we don't know where it is. We didn't steal it, honestly!

-Zigra: Don't play dumb with me, I know it was that sneaky one in the pink dress who nicked it. She's part of your whole scam too, after all. Now talk or die!

-Mario: She suspects the Princess? But surely, the Princess would never do such a thing. Female characters are not to undertake any kind of action on their own free initiative in a regressive series such as this one.

-Toad: All the same, we'd better tell them something quickly, before they execute us all. I think I know something...

Toad then clears his throat and takes a step forward, evidently preparing a big speech.

-Toad: Now hold on, if you kill us now, you will never know where your Trifle-Force is!

-Zigra: Ah-hah! So you -do- know where it is! Speak up immediately, or one of your comrades dies!

-Toad: Oops...ehm...errr, it's in there!

Toad dramatically points to the Underworld entrance behind them, looking very smug at the solution he just thought of. Zigra, however grins evilly. At the next moment, Toad, Mario and Yoshi are being forced into the underworld by arrow-pokes from Zigra's soldiers, while their leader angrily shouts at them;

-Zigra: Then you're going to lead me to it! Take me to the place where you're hiding the trifle-force in the Underworld, and if it turns out you've told me lies, you'll all die gruesomely!

-Yoshi: Oh no, this mess is just getting worse by the second... Your solution was rubbish, Toad!

-Toad: Well, I had to say -something-, it was the only thing I could think of. But I still wonder what happened to the Princess. Zigra thinks she's the thief, but in fact we don't know where she might be at all....

Cut to a shot of the Princess walking through a corridor deep in the Underworld, with a somewhat calmed down, but still nervously trembling Fryguy next to her.

-Princess: Damn, this is taking forever. You're sure Koopa went into this big gate and is around here -somewhere-?

-Fryguy: Uh....uhm, yes, he's got to be in here, but I told you, I don't know where.

A short silence follows, until Fryguy speaks up again;

-Fryguy: Errr...miss, can I ask you a question?

-Princess: No!

-Fryguy: How mean of you! If you keep being so mean, I'm going to cry!

-Princess: Oh, allright, allright, ask me your stupid question already, but knock off the whining! It's driving me up the wall, I feel like an overstressed baby-sitter around this hopeless wimp.

-Fryguy: Uhm...well, anyway, what I wanted to ask is about Lord Koopa. Uhm....has he ever, well, actually...ehm, has he said something about.....errr, that he had a hot flash for you?

-Princess: Eh? Koopa has said a lot of strange things, but not that one, I am quite sure.

-Fryguy: He hasn't? But...but still, Lord Koopa and you are...ehm, well, you -are-...errr...y'know...

-Princess: Look, don't make it into a big sentimental saga of some kind, kid. Koopa is a decent diversion for me, no more no less. An excuse to kill time in an excessively violent fashion when I feel bored, that's all.

-Fryguy: Really? Hmm...that's strange...*thinking to himself* I...I don't understand these adult matters. It's so complicated, I don't know what to think about it....it's even kinda scary.

-Princess: Though I'll say this, right now Koopa's been nothing but a pain in the arse. It's only because I need to find him that I'm aimlessly wandering through this Underworld with an irritating crybaby dragging along. What a bother! He'd better have a good excuse ready when I do get a hold of him, or else...

-Fryguy: Eep, she...she's pretty scary as well...

Fade out and cut to a shot of Koopa, Mouser and Lakitu still standing in the doorway leading to the chamber containing a giant pink plush foot. Koopa is staring at it in excitement and disbelief.

-Koopa: This is....it's amazing, that's the largest footsie I've ever seen! Ahhh, I want it! I must fondle it's toes, rub it's heel and nibble at it's juicy texture...slurrrp, come to papa!

-Lakitu: No, wait! Lord Koopa! They're obviously trying to lure you into that chamber, it's too dangerous! Chances are high that room contains a lethal death-trap which they've set up with that foot as bait to reel you into the snapping jaws of death! For goodness' sake, don't go in there!

-Koopa: Shut up! I don't care! My lowly sexual pulsations by far overpower my voice of reason! Even if it kills me, I -must- grab that giant foot! Gangway!

Koopa then pushes Lakitu aside and storms into the room, with his hands stretched out towards the giant foot. However, no sooner does he set foot on the chamber's floor than the very floor caves in underneath him to reveal and giant gaping pit into which he plummets with a shriek. Koopa disappears into the deep darkness of the pit that has opened up, leaving Lakitu and Mouser staring into the black abbyss.

-Lakitu: I warned him, I did -so- warn him, but does he listen? Naaahh.

-Mouser: Lord Koopa! I won't let him die! Chaaarge!

Pushing past Lakitu as well, Mouser then dives into the pit after Koopa and vanishes. Lakitu is left staring on his own.

-Lakitu: ....I'm surrounded by boneheads. What am I supposed to do now?

Just then, Fryguy and the Princess pop up behind Lakitu and speak up;

-Fryguy: Lakitu, it's you! Thank goodness we found you, this place is so scary!

-Princess: It took us ages to finally find a living soul, even if the screen time doesn't reflect this at all. Now hurry up, I just wanna find Koopa and get the hell out of this Underworld and out of this insane kingdom, before we all get killed. So go on, where is Koopa?

-Lakitu: Uhm...you two pop up outta nowhere, half frighten me to death and don't even explain?

-Princess: Don't talk back, you hideously deformed little twerp! Screw the explaining and tell me where Koopa is already!

-Lakitu: Uhm...he fell down there.

Lakitu points to the gaping giant hole in front of them. The Princess grabs her forehead with both hands in exasperation while Fryguy trembles nervously.

-Fryguy: Tha...that sure looks scary....do you...do you think Lord Koopa is allright? Or will he have been torn to gory ribbons of flesh by now by some unspeakable horror?

-Lakitu: Hard to tell...Mouser went in after him. That may either be a good thing or a very, very bad thing.....

Fade out and cut to a shot of Koopa falling down the very deep pit while gesticulating wildly.

-Koopa: Naaaw! I'm falling! Eeeek! Oh heck, I sure hope this isn't being filmed from a suggestive angle...

Just then, Mouser's voice resounds, barking out Koopa's name at full blast. He comes hurtling down the pit, dive-bombing forward to catch up with the falling Koopa, whose hands he manages to grab.

-Mouser: Lord Koopa! I've got you!

-Koopa: And what the hell difference does that make?! We're still falling, and the ground below looks very hard and certainly lethal! Awww, crap, I would have so liked to wear my raspberry-color silk bloomers when I die, they are -just- the thing to get splattered to a gory pulp in....Waah! I don't wanna die improperly dressed!

-Mouser: Well, y'know, people have been known to survive several certain-death situations due to the iffy logistics of this series. Drowning, suffocating in space and long, seemingly lethal falls are often survived. Maybe we'll be allright after all...

-Koopa: I'd rather not take my chances! If we take -this- long to hit the pit's bottom, they sure as hell won't waste the dramatic effect by letting us survive. Even our executives aren't -that- stupid.

-Mouser: Maybe you have a point... Bah, makes no difference, a mere collision with a floor won't kill Super Mouser! Lord Koopa, hold onto me very tightly now!

With Koopa clinging on, Mouser then lunges both his feet forward with a bellow of "Nuclear Meteorite Drop-Kick!". While a shimmering aura surrounds his feet, he blasts forward in the direction of the pit's hard stone floor. The floor caves in under the kick's impact as if it's mere paper. Such is the force of Mouser's kick that he and Koopa go sailing through several layers of Underworld floors and ceilings, until they come to a halt in a deep, dark chamber all the way at the bottom.

-Mouser: Maybe I overdid it a little...anyway, this must be the bottom floor, the very last level of the Underworld...

-Koopa:....Mouser....I never knew he was a man with strong feet like that....oh my *slight blush*.

But just then, a clank of determined footsteps resounds, and the wizard Grumpton appears in front of them, clutching the Trifle-Force of Tangerines. Camera zooms out to reveal that they are in his dramatic throne room, while he speaks up;

-Grumpton: Right, I won't bother to do my stupid phony voice trick, just tell me how in the world you dare to come crashing in like this, destroying the ceiling of my throne chamber?

-Koopa: Oh! The Trifle-Force of Tangerines!

-Grumpton: Hah! I know you want it, but you'll never get it! You'll have to kill me before you can lay hands on my delicious and non-fattening Trifle-Force!

-Mouser: Oh, okay. If that's what you want.

With utmost calm, Mouser takes out a large missile launcher, loads a rocket into it and points it at Grumpton, who is by now covered in pouring sweat.

-Grumpton: Errr....on the other hand...uhm...hah! But even if I stand no chance against your weaponry and would surely die in battle against you, you -still- won't get my Trifle-Force, because I'll just run away like an absolute wuss with it! Wuhahaha!

With a huge grin on his face, Grumpton then turns tail and legs it at full speed, slightly surprising Mouser.

-Mouser: Ah, crap! After him!

Cut to Grumpton running with full force through the underworld corridors with hysterical laughter. Mouser charges after him, dragging Koopa behind him with one hand and clenching a swan-off shotgun in the other. However, Grumpton's wiggling around makes it difficult to aim, and the chase continues pointlessly while missed shotgun blasts explode here and there. Cut to a shot of Fryguy, Lakitu and the Princess who are still looking at the black pit, not sure what they should do now. From a distance, the noise of Grumpton's giggles and Mouser's gunshots fades in and slowly swells to a louder level as their footsteps come closer.

-Fryguy: Eeek! That noise! Something's coming towards us! Mommy, I'm scared! Help me!

Grumpton's shape appears in the distance, still running at hysterical pace, with Mouser and Koopa chasing him. From the corner of his eye, Grumpton spots the Trifle-Force of Strawberries in the Princess' hands. His immediate reflex is to snatch it from her hands rapidly as he and his chasers run past, which leaves the Princess deeply shocked.

-Princess: That bastard! He filched the Trifle-Force from me! I stole that with my own hands! After him, the thieving git!

-Fryguy: But it's scary! I don't want to run after that person!

-Lakitu: Fine then, we'll just leave you behind to die on your own again.

-Fryguy: Ohhh no, no way! I'm following you allright...even if I am scared....

Lakitu and Fryguy then give chase as well along with the Princess. The three of them catch up with Mouser and Koopa and form a small group that runs after Grumpton angrily. But Grumpton is in a state of ecstatic joy, grinning at the two Trifle-Forces he's holding.

-Grumpton: Hee hee ha ha ha! I don't believe it! Both Trifle-Forces are mine, and it was so easy to rip off the second one! After all this time, my efforts have paid off! The most delicious dessert in the world will be mine to devour! Woopeee!

But at that moment, the commanding voice of Zigra resounds, yelling out Grumpton's name. Grumpton, surprised, stands still as do Mouser and his group. Looking up, they spot Zigra and a battalion of soldiers standing in front of them, with Mario, Yoshi and Toad still as prisoners.

-Grumpton: Hah! You're too late, Zigra! Both Trifle-Forces are mine, and you shall now witness the most yummy dessert in the universe being created, just for me! Behold!

He then pushes both the Trifle-Force of Strawberries and the Trifle-Force of Tangerines against each other, an a bright flash results. The light slowly dims, and Grumpton finds himself holding a shiny plate with a large, intricately decorated pink pudding coated in a glowing halo placed on it.

-Grumpton: Ahhh! There it is, the most tasty dessert of all times! It's sugary aroma gently caresses my nostrils, and it's soft texture and appealing appearance look most inviting to my tastebuds. Time to dig in!

-Zigra: No! I will not allow you! Soldiers, take aim!

The soldiers of Zigra all load sharp, pointy arrows onto their bows and aim them at Grumpton, who looks a bit puzzled.

-Grumpton: Uh-oh....

-Zigra: Make one more move and you're dead! Now drop that Trifle-Force!

Grumpton lets got of the large pudding's plate, and it crashes to the floor, turning the fabulous legendary super-dessert into just a mess of sludge and broken crockery, mixed with the floor's dirt. Zigra grips her forehead and begins to scream.

-Zigra: Nooo! What have I done? I should've rephrased that!

-Grumpton: This is all your fault! The most delicious dessert in the universe is ruined, and now nobody will ever taste it!

-Zigra: My fault? You're the one who hurled it onto the ground, nobody said you -had- to!

-Grumpton: -You- did. Zigra, I won't forgive you for this!

-Zigra: No, no, wait, let's blame the whole thing on those prisoners of mine that wanted to work for me and those intruders that were chasing you. That way, we can take out all of our irritation on them for hardly any good reason!

-Grumpton: Hmm...doesn't sound bad. Only, where have they gotten to?

Zoom out to reveal that both Mario's group and Koopa's group have vanished from the scene. Zigra and Grumpton look a bit dumbfounded at this. Cut to a shot of the Underworld entrance gate. Mario, Yoshi and Toad come rushing out of the gateway in panic.

-Mario: Run away! Now's our chance to make a run for it and get the hell out of here! Run, run!

They rush away as quickly as they can. The Princess and Koopa's group come out of the Underworld as well, looking a bit panicky.

-Princess: Mario has a point, we had better make a quick run for it before things get hairy again. I can't believe all this fuss is made over just a stupid pudding. Your plan was really crap this time, Koopa!

-Koopa: Oi, it was -your- plan in the first place, don't blame me if it was crap!

-Princess: It would've worked if you hadn't screwed up! You idiot!

She makes an obscene gesture at Koopa and then legs it, joining Mario's group who are still running away in the distance.

-Koopa: Fine then! Same back to you! Nyah! I don't care! Now then, men, we are running away from this place! At my command....flee like total wusses!

Koopa, Mouser, Lakitu and a very happy-looking Fryguy then run away at full pelt to disappear at the horizon. The angry shrieking voices of Zigra and Grumpton can still be heard emanating from the Underworld entrance gate as the screen zooms out. Cut to a shot of Triclyde standing on a hill overlooking the High-Rise kingdom. The fleeing Mario group rushes past in the distance with a lot of noise. Lefty looks over to Clyde.

-Lefty: Nice, quiet little kingdom, he says. Mere medieval technology, easy to overrun and build our evil empire's headquarters in, he sais. Yeah, right.

-Clyde: Oh, shut yer face already! How was I supposed to know everyone in this place was nuts? But it makes no difference, we'll find another place to build our base of operations, and once we have that, we can start planning the conquest of the universe good and proper!

-Righty: It's just a shame we can't afford such a thing at the moment. Our bank account is completely drained after all the research and development we paid for to create Ushinator...we seem to be rather stuck.

-Clyde: No, we're not! This is just a temporary setback, world peace has only bought itself some time! Just you wait...Our time of glory will come, certainly!

He laughs hysterically as the screen zooms out to a birds-eye view of High-Rise. Some silly music plays while the screen slowly fades out.

END of this episode.


 

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