Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!
|-Mario: No matter how much hate mail we
get, we just keep on going at the Super Mario Brother's
Freaky Show! There's no stopping us, no matter how hard
Episode 15: Koopa Meets Ushinator
-"Plumber's log, number hyaku-goju-ichi. Koopa had once again ripped off the poor princess, and even though everyone is blummin' sick and tired of this plot set-up by now, we went ahead to rescue her. I had managed to chase Koopa to the city of Pulastikku Tokyo, where he was still trying to escape from my severe fists of punishment. But he wouldn't last long, that was for sure..."
Fade in to a view of a huge city by night, slightly resembling Tokyo. Zoom in and pan around the jungle of skyscrapers for a while. Suddenly, a large, spider-like combat mech rushes past on it's six spindly legs, with Koopa and the Princess clearly visible in it's cockpit. Mario then comes running after this robot, wildly swinging his fists.
-Mario: Koopaaaa! You bastard! You can't run away from me forever! I won't let you escape with the princess! Turn around and fight me like the cross-dressing, perverted man that you are!
Cut to a shot inside the spider-mech's cockpit. Koopa, who is wearing a fetching pink and silver spandex bodysuit, is worriedly staring at a radar screen on a control dial.
-Koopa: Mario's still gaining on us! If this goes on, I might have to do some actual fighting...*gulp*
-Princess: Damned Mario, he can never take a hint. Just when we were about to go and ritually sacrifice some innocent prisoners, in comes fat boy and ruins -everything-. Good lord, I -hate- that Mario!
-Koopa: But, hot chickie, how are we supposed to get away from him? He's been chasing after us like a lunatic ever since the Yokohama bay!
-Princess: Grrr, that fat little bastard is really getting up my nerves, but I'll sort him out soon enough. Koopa, transfer firing control to me!
Koopa punches in a few codes on his control dial, and some lights flash up before the princess' manic grin as she takes the control over the mech's weapon systems.
-Princess: Excellent, all systems on-line, prepare for fried fatso flab! Die, Mario! Fire!!
Cut back to a shot of Mario chasing Koopa and the Princess' mecha-vehicle. Gun turrets flip open on the spider-mech's rear, and a shower of missiles is blasted out in Mario's direction. Mario rapidly dodges the onslaught with a few nimble maneuvers, and the hail of missiles blows up a few appartment blocks behind Mario.
-Mario: My god, it's terrible! Koopa really stands for nothing if he doesn't hesitate to use explosives in a closely populated area!
Cut back to a shot inside the mech's cockpit, where the princess angrily snarls at the controls.
-Princess: Damn you to hell, Mario! How dare you still be alive?!
-Koopa: Too bad you missed, sugartoes. But I must say, you really stand for nothing if you don't hesitate to use explosives in a closely populated area!
-Princess: I'll use whatever it takes to get rid of Mario, and I've just had a brilliantly evil and bloodthirsty idea. We're heading for the direction of the Pulastikku-Tokyo Tower as it is. We'll corner him there and tear him to bloody chunks! Mu wu ha ha ha haaa! Hee hee hee!
-Koopa: *blink* She's acting strange again....
Cut to a view of the city. A structure that resembles the Tokyo Tower, but painted neon pink and yellow stands tall in the distance. Koopa's robot and Mario, leaving a trail of destruction, are rushing towards this tower. Cut to a shot of the spider robot clambering up the tower's wireframe-ish structure, with Mario bravely climbing behind it. The robot eventually reaches the panoramic room halfway up the tower and smashes it's way in. Once all the people in there have run away shrieking, Mario and the spider-mech face each other in the now half destroyed panoramic room of the Pulastikku-Tokyo Tower. Camera pans around the two brawlers for a short while.
-Mario: Allright, Koopa, I'm ready. Come on and fight, you don't scare me with your spider robot! It's bound to be rubbish after all!
Cut back to inside the robot where the princess is now furiously gripping the controls.
-Princess: Nya ha haaa! We got him now, and Mario doesn't even realize that it's -me- who's going to kill him, dense idiot that he is! I'm going to let rip with full firepower now! Gooo!
With a freakish grin, and a shriek of sadist pleasure, the princess then dives towards the firing button, but just then...all the lights insde the robot's cockpit burn out, leaving Koopa and the princess in the dark.
-Princess: Now what?! The robot's no longer moving!
-Koopa: It looks like we're out of fuel. Climbing up the Pulastikku-Tokyo Tower with this thing has been a bit too much, I guess. Maybe we should've used the elevator instead...
-Princess: Bullshit! You mean to say we can't smash Mario's face in with six spider-robot legs of death?! Arrrgh!
-Koopa: I'm afraid that's the way it is...
-Princess: Well, my darling smelly wart on a pig's bum, in that case, you'll have to go out there and fight Mario bare-handed.
-Koopa: M...me? But, wait a minute, I can't...
-Princess: And stop complaining already!
Cut back to Mario who is standing opposite to the now immobile spider-robot. A hatch in the robot's head opens, and Koopa is forcefully shoved outside, where he lands in front of Mario.
-Mario: Time for the final showdown, Koopa! I'll fight you and save the princess!
-Koopa: But, I really don't want to fight. I'm wearing some of my finest frilly lace lingerie underneath this bodysuit, it might get ripped if we fight...
-Mario: No phoney excuses, Koopa, come on and fight! It's about time we did some decent fighting instead of just running away like utter wussies, I've had it up to here with this show's fixation on pointless chase scenes!
-Koopa: Yes, but if our staff can't even animate a run-away scene halfway decently, a battle scene will probably look even worse.
-Mario: I don't care, I just want to smash yer face in! And I know just what your weak spot is!
Mario then rushes forward, and before Koopa can react, he forcefully stomps onto Koopa's foot. Koopa's eyes widen in horror, and he crashes to the ground, wailing in agony and clutching his foot.
-Koopa: Noooo! You've hurt my footsie! My poor darling baby! Aieeee! Have mercy, don't hurt my feet, anything but that, I beg of you!
Mario then appears, looming over the now defenseless Koopa menacingly...
-Mario: And now, you will die....
-Koopa: N...no...won't anyone save my feet? Eeeeek!
But just as Mario's fist is plunged forward, a swishing noise is heard, and a red rose slices through the air to embed itself into the ground before Mario.
-Mario: What the...? A rose?
Mario bends down and curiously looks at the rose below him. The rose then hisses and explodes right into his face. The few windows of the tower's panoramic room that were still intact are then shattered as a figure in a black costume, with a long, flowing red cape comes crashing in. The newcomer lands elegantly, and then stands up in his full length (which is actually rather short). Camera travels around him and reveals that it is in fact Mouser, dressed in a black tuxedo and long, red cape. A tacky piece of music begins to play.
-Mouser: The feet of a handsome, and slightly overweight man are like the gentle petals of a spring flower, covered in soft dewdrops, demanding to be licked clean. To defend their exquisite beauty, I soar through the night sky as Tuxedo Mouse!
-Mouser: Mario, I've finally caught up with you. And now, for damaging the most beautiful pair of feet in the world, I will unleash the wrath of Tuxedo Mouse upon you!
He then throws off his cape, revealing a pair of handheld gatling guns which he points in Mario's direction with a murderous grin. Close-up of Mouser's bloodshot eyes as he thinks these words to himself;
-Mouser: And while I'm at it, maybe a certain extremely annoying person of royal blood who thinks she can lay her paws on -my- Lord Koopa might get hit by a stray bullet...She's bound to be hiding out here somewhere after all, the sorry tramp.
But just as Mouser is about to squeeze the guns' triggers, a loud, rumbling noise interrupts him, and a large shadow falls over the entire city. Slowly, everyone turns their eyes upward, only to see that a giant monster has appeared at the horizon, waving it's arms about and shrieking out menacing cries.
-Mario: But...but that is....
-Koopa:...It has to be the single most ridiculous-looking giant monster ever....
Camera then shows a closer shot of the giant monster. It is in fact a gigantic cow, who's white hide is adorned by bright pink spots, and who's head is adorned by two large, flowing yellow ribbons. It swings a large bottle of milk around in one hand and howls out a long, menacing moo up to the night sky. Cut back to a shot of Mario and the others, who are looking rather flummoxed at this strange sight, when suddenly, a loud and booming evil laugh is heard. As the nasty laugh continues, a huge, transparent image of Triclyde's three heads appears, superimposed onto the dark city sky. He continues to laugh manically for a little while, until pronouncing these words with gutsy overacting;
-Triclyde: Feeble, puny and pathetic mortals of Pulastikku Tokyo! Listen to my over-the-top laughter and shudder in panic, for I am Emperor Triclyde! Prince of this world, and of a few other bits and bobs! The day has now come for me to demonstrate my eternal power! I have unleashed the giant monster Ushinator upon you! Behold in powerless pant-wetting terror as Ushinator will now stamp your pitiful city to itty bitty chunks of dust! And this is only the beginning, today I will vaporize Pulastikku Tokyo, tomorrow, the entire world! Wu ha ha ha ha haaaa! Nyaaah ha ha ha heee!
His hysterical laughter resounds all over the city. Cut to a few citizens in the streets. Some of them look up to the holographic Triclyde image which is still laughing. After a short pause, a few disinterested comments can be heard:
-"Gee, what's that? Looks like some kind of publicity stunt...."
-"It's probably not important, let's just ignore it."
Seeing that his intro hasn't made much effect, an angered expression appears on Triclyde's face, and a small vein swells up on his forehead. His face twists into an even stronger grimace of annoyance when Mouser's voice is heard, shouting up to the sky from the half-wrecked Pulastikku Tokyo Tower;
-Mouser: You don't scare us with your stupid fat cow! I've been devouring Milka bars ever since I was five! Come on and fight if you think you're that tough!
-Koopa: Muh...Mouser, it's probably not a good idea to make him angry.....
Cut to a shot of the Triclyde-hologram which looks down to the Pulastikku Tokyo Tower. A nasty smirk appears around his lips.
-Triclyde: Well, well, what a surprise. I didn't know my number one enemies were here in Pulastikku Tokyo. Really, you are too kind to me, you're giving me a chance to show off my supremacy by crushing this world's largest city -and- eliminate my arch rivals in one go, how very generous of you....Now behold! The earth-shattering power of Ushinator! She will blow you off the face of this world with a single blast! Ushinator, turn them into a mass of bloody, gory, spongy stuff, immediately!
Cut to a close-up of Ushinator, who moos menacingly. She then begins to unscrew the lid of the milk bottle she's carrying with her, while the milk inside begins to glow menacingly. Once she has opened her bottle, she directs it at a nearby building, and a blast of white laser milk is shot out, which cleaves right through several acres of solid skyscrapers. She then begins to charge up another milk-blast, while slowly pointing her bottle at the remains of the Pulastikku Tokyo Tower. Cut back to Koopa and the others who are looking just a tad panicky at this sight.
-Mario: This really isn't the kind of stuff that makes you want to crack a "holy cow" pun. She just blasted away a huge chunk of skyscrapers! If she fires that thing at us, we're all toast!
-Mouser: Really? Well then, arrividerci, sucker!
Mouser then lifts a surprised Koopa up in his arms and nimbly jumps away into the night with him. A slightly hysterical Mario has by now located the princess who was cowering away in the immobilized spider robot.
-Mario: Princess, we've got to get out of here, quickly!
Princess: So tell me something else that's new! We're up 300 feet in the air, how the heck are we supposed to get down from this tower and out of that thing's range in time?!
-Mario: Maybe, if we just jump from the tower, we'll fall 300 feet down and miraculously survive such a sure-death fall, with no apparent reason! It worked before!
-Princess: I'd rather not take that kind of a chance...Suppose the animator -does- remember that human bodies tend to splatter into lots of gory chunks when falling very, very far down for once? On the other hand, that laser milk looks nasty....
But just then, a whizzing sound is heard, and a rope ladder comes dangling down. Mario and the princess look up in surprise, to see a helicopter, from which this ladder was dropped, hovering above the tower. Toad and Yoshi poke their faces out of a window of the helicopter. Mario and the princess grab on to the ladder, and the chopper carries them away just in time to escape Ushinator's milk laser which turns the entire area around the tower into a smoldering mess. Cut to a shot of Mario and the princess climbing into the helicopter, next to Toad and Yoshi.
-Mario: Toad, Yoshi, what are you doing here?
-Princess: And moreover, who is that person piloting this copter?
The princess points towards a young woman who is seated behind the copter's controls. This pilot then turns around and replies in these words;
-"My name is Misaki Katsura, and I work at the Pulastikku Tokyo Catastrophe Control center. There's no time to explain the whole story now, but I'll tell you everything once we've made it back to our base safely. For now, we can just hope that we'll be quick enough to escape from that monster".
-Mario: That should be allright, the monster seems to be heading in a different direction now.
Everyone peeks out of the helicopter's windows. Cut to a shot of the chopper hovering above the city. In the distance, it can be seen how Ushinator has turned her back on the heli, and is stampeding off in a different direction. Cut to a shot of Mouser carrying Koopa, who is running at full pelt through the city streets. A rumbling noise is heard as Ushinator, who is menacingly visible in the background chases after them.
-Koopa: Oi, Mouser, what is you right hand doing.... down there? And where exactly are we going?
-Mouser: Just as far away from that monster as possible! It's still chasing after us, it must really be pissed off!
-Koopa: You'd better go faster, it's gaining on us! At this rate, we'll be squashed flat!
Cut to a rapid shot of Ushinator who tramples several buildings under her hooves as she comes ever closer to Mouser and Koopa. Cut back to the two fugitives. Mouser suddenly stops running and places Koopa back on his feet. He then turns around and looks up sternly.
-Mouser: Running away is no good, it'll be better if I stand and fight. I should be able to hold it off for a little while. Lord Koopa, make sure you get as far away as possible in the time I'll buy you!
-Koopa: Mouser, wait! You're not going to go in against that thing on your own, are you? You saw what it's milk laser, ridiculous as though it may look can do for damages. Such an attack might be too much to take, even for you. You're risking your life with this!
-Mouser:...Damn right I am...Lord Koopa....
Cut to an overly dramatic close-up of Mouser who slowly turns his face towards Koopa.
-Mouser:...if it's for you, I'd gladly risk my life as often as I must. Don't worry about me, run for it!
Just then, a clanking noise is heard, and the faces of Lakitu and Fryguy pop up from a manhole leading to the sewers, just behind Koopa ad Mouser.
-Lakitu: Lord Koopa! Mouser! In here quickly!
-Fryguy: *sob* Oh please, let's just run away...*sniff* It's so scary, scary! I want to run awaaay! *whimper* If we don't run away, I'm going to cry...*whine*
Cut to Koopa who gives one more look in Mouser's direction and then hurries off into the sewer with Lakitu and Fryguy. Mouser then looks up to Ushinator again. Ushinator herself moos loudly and smashes through some more buildings. Mouser has run over to a long row of parked cars. He picks up one of these cars, hoists it high up in the air and then chucks it in Ushinator's direction. He does the same with several other cars, but the rain of flying cars simply bounces off Ushinator, apparently without even scratching her. Cut to a close-up of a sweating Mouser, who is looking severely annoyed.
-Mouser: D...damn...This Ushinator really is tough.
Fade out and cut to a long pan around a large office building. The building is emblazoned with several large signs covered in katakana. Subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen that read "Pulastikku Tokyo Catastrophe Control Centre". Cut to a shot inside this building. In a large, light room with many monitors, Mario and his group are facing the helicopter pilot Misaki who brought them here.
-Misaki: So you say that you know this Emperor Triclyde person, who is behind the appearance of Ushinator?
-Mario: Well, we don't know him personally or anything. I mean, it's not as if he's the kind of guy we'd invite over for a coffee.
-Misaki: Well, that's immaterial right now. We're as of now still trying to track where that hologram of him that appeared over the city has been transmitted from. If we can pin-point the location from where his hologram came, there's a good chance that we've found his base as well.
-Toad: Unless he's using a satellite. Or creepy black voodoo magic. Or something else.
-Misaki: Well, maybe....In the meantime, we will have to send one of you out to fight Ushinator and try to minimise the damage it does.
-Toad: You've got to be joking! How could we stand a chance against such a huge thing!
-Misaki: There's a way. Our scientific branch has developed a special kind of drug. Whoever ingests it will grow to enormous size, roughly the same size as Ushinator, in fact. So one of you will take this drug, grow huge, and go out to battle Ushinator.
-Mario: Now, just a minute. We'll get to the fact that this is a pretty crap strategy later, but now, do you really think one of us would accept to do this?
-Misaki: No, but you had better. You have an obligation to us. You see, our job is to monitor any abnormal disaster that occurs in this city, such as alien attacks, giant monsters, or other freak-ups. Believe me, there are lots of them. Earlier this evening, our surveillance noticed an unusual spider-like robot careering through the city, with someone chasing it. The ones behind this spider-robot incident were revealed to be you lot. Now, the destruction you've caused while chasing that robot, and the damages done to the city amount to a debt of 500 million yen.
-Everyone: Fuh...five hundred million yen?!
-Misaki: Exactly. Just when we had pin-pointed the robot's position at the Pulastikku Tokyo Tower, we were contacted by two individuals; Yoshi and Toad. These two claimed that they knew something about the one behind this spider robot incident and requested that we took them to the tower immediately.
-Mario: Nice work, you bunch of dopes.
-Toad: Well, we had to do something! We had lost track of you in this city, and when we stumbled across this building, it seemed like a good idea to team up with them, since they were after the same thing.
-Mario: And now it's gotten us into a huge mess!
-Misaki: That's not all, you also owe me for saving you from getting toasted by Ushinator back at the tower. In any case, the city authorities have agreed to lower your debt to a mere 350 yen of you agree to take the size-altering drug and fight Ushinator.
-Mario: So you're still conning us out of money? Oh well, there seems to be no other choice, so I'll do it.
-Toad: Hmm, we did this sort of plot set-up before, where Mario let himself grow huge to fight another giant monster. Alas, it all looked a bit pants.
-Misaki: Never mind that now. Since you've agreed to do this, we just need you to ingest the special drug. Now, I've left it in a glass jar somewhere...
-Yoshi: Here, do you mean this glass jar?
Cut to Yoshi who holds up a small glass jar with a red exclamation mark painted on it. However, the jar itself is empty.
-Misaki: That's the one, but where did the pill go? I'm sure I put it in there....
-Yoshi: Oh, that was your special drug? I thought it was a winegum.
-Mario: Good heavens, no!! Yoshi! You don't mean to say that you've eaten it?!
-Yoshi: Oh, but I've always liked winegums...
Yoshi is then suddenly enveloped by a strange, green glow. Everyone seems puzzled over this.
-Yoshi: Now what's happening?
-Misaki: Oh, holy shit! Everyone, run for it! Run for your lives!
Everyone begins to leg it at full speed upon Misaki's command, including a totally clueless Yoshi, but Misaki pushes him away with a shout of "not -you-, stupid!". Cut to a shot outside the Catastrophe Control centre's building. Mario and co come running out of the building, just as a loud rumble is heard, and a gigantic Yoshi crashes out of the building, destroying it entirely. Camera pans around the now enormous Yoshi who towers over the city. Cut to Mario's groups, who are looking up to the giant Yoshi. Misaki is in tears and almost hysterical.
-Misaki: Nooo! The Catastrophe Control centre! My beautiful building! The entire thing is completely destroyed! Dozens of people have perished horribly! You idiots!
Cut back to the giant Yoshi who looks around the city below him. He gives a long look to a skyscraper next to him.
-Yoshi: Hmmm....I'm feeling hungry. Whatever that winegum did to me, it sure made me work up an appetite. I'm going to eat now!
He then rips the roof off the skyscraper he's facing and begins to eat it. Deciding that it tastes really rather good, he then pulls the entire building out of the ground and devours it. Other buildings in his vicinity suffer the same fate as Yoshi begins to feast on the city. Cut to a close-up of Yoshi, with half-destroyed buildings, and a long subway train stuffed between his lips. He munches contently with a big smile on his face. Cut back to Mario's group, down on the ground. They've run to a safe place, but Misaki is as of now violently strangling Mario with an enraged look on her face.
-Misaki: Daaaamn you! The situation has only gotten worse because of you! Now we have -two- giant monsters rampaging through our city! You morons! You cause nothing but disasters!
-Toad: Hey, take it easy, lady. Don't you have anything else you can use? Something like a super special weapon, or a giant robot of some kind?
-Misaki: No, we don't! We did start out using giant robots, but it proved to be economically impossible to maintain them. The space to store such a huge thing was too expensive, the batteries needed to activate it cost too much, and cleaning the -entire enormous robot- was hell on our staff, so the project was abandoned. You just can't pull off giant robots as easily as TV animation would have you believe!
-Toad: But, you're saying the robot did exist?
-Misaki: Well, sort of. However, apart from financial reasons, we also discovered that this robot had an inherent fatal design flaw, which made it too dangerous to use. Therefore, we buried in underground and sealed it away deep under the city. In other words, we are now completely and utterly screwed ! The whole city is doomed, and it's all your fault!
Cut to a dramatic pan along the city skyline. Several military aircraft come swooping past with a loud noise. Cut to a shot of the city streets, where large tanks carrying tacky-looking missiles advance with a rumbling sound. The aircraft whizzes around Ushinator's head and blast at her with their colourful lasers, the tanks position themselves around the giant cow and fire their cannons at her, but she doesn't even take notice, and crushes a few of them easily. A similar military assault is being conducted on the giant Yoshi, but he takes no notice whatsoever and continues to happily devour the buildings surrounding him, catching a few jet planes with his tongue and swallowing them as extra appetizers.
Cut back to a shot of Mouser, who is by now heavily sweating and panting. He looks over to a pile of broken cars and other random large, blunt and heavy objects that he has used as projectiles, only to see them bounce off Ushinator and land at the monster's feet without doing any harm.
-Mouser: Damn it, damn it to friggin' hell, nothing I've thrown at that monster has had any effect! There's no point in trying my guns, they wouldn't even do a scratch. This is beginning to wear me out. And what's worse, I'm running out of stuff to throw at the monster.
But a low rumble is then heard, and Mouser turns around to spot a legion of tanks and missile cruisers rolling into the street. His face lights up at this sight.
-Mouser: Ah! Back-up has arrived!
Immediately, he runs over to the groups of military vehicles, and begins to pick them up with his bare hands, while his muscles bulge insanely. He then throws the tanks at Ushinator one by one, just like he did with the cars. Camera zooms out of this chaotic scene. Fade out and cut to a shot of Triclyde, who is standing in an eerily badly-lit Big Dictator's Control Room (tm), staring at the many flickering monitors around him, which show him an image of Ushinator rampaging through the city, while the military assaults fail to have any effect whatsoever on her.
-Triclyde: Tsch, those pathetic mortals, don't they know that puny tanks and planes -never- have any effect on giant rubber monsters? Didn't they even take the trouble to watch a cheesy big monster movie? A Japanese one, of course, which would at least have taught them the basics. Hah, they're pathetic, the complete annihilation of Pulastikku Tokyo will be achieved even more easily than I expected!
With a content smirk, he then turns back to his monitors. He suddenly notices that a tank somehow comes hurtling into the sky to crash against Ushinator every now and then...
-Triclyde: That's odd, I didn't know they used flying tanks now. Unless....
He rapidly checks a few other monitors, and discovers that it's really Mouser who is throwing the vehicles around. The look on Triclyde's face darkens at this.
-Triclyde: So, that one somehow survived the destruction of the Pulastikku Tokyo Tower. I could've sworn the milk laser would've killed them all in one blow. But I won't make the mistake of underestimating Mouser again. I know he's dangerous, I must eliminate him! This time, Ushinator will fire a milk laser blast at full power, it will surely kill him! Go, Ushinator!
Cut back to Ushinator who moos loudly in acknowledgement of this command. She raises her milk bottle up to the sky triumphantly, and the object begins to glow intensely. Before Mouser can do anything, Ushinator points her bottle down towards him and unleashes a thundering storm of plasma onto him. The result is a gigantic explosion which can be seen from all over the city. Mouser is flung upwards into the raging inferno with a bellow of agony. A large part of his clothes are torn to shreds before he disappears into the core of the laser storm. Once the violence of Ushinator's blast has died down, Mouser's severely burnt and wounded body comes crashing back onto the pavement, where he leaves he large impact crater. Cut to a close-up of his bruised face while he struggles to remain conscious.
-Mouser:...It doesn't matter, I've done my duty of protecting Lord Koopa...the rest isn't important....
He still coughs up some blood and writhes in agony before passing out definitely. Camera zooms out of his now immobile body on the shattered street. Fade out and cut to Koopa, Lakitu and Fryguy, who are still slowly walking through the sewers. Fryguy is walking up front, with a large lot of cigarettes stuffed in his mouth, and streams of tears pouring from his eyes.
-Fryguy: It's...it's not fair. Why do I have to walk in front? It's so scary here! It's dark and icky, and there's water, and I'm scaaared! I want to get out of this crazy city with big monsters and scary sewers! I want my mommy! Whine! Howl! Sob!
-Lakitu: Will you stop being such a baby? We need you to walk in front because all those cigarettes you're smoking, and your body itself give off light, that way we can see where the hell we're going in the first place. Do you want to get lost in a creepy, slimy sewer full of alligators, vermin, and probably mutant zombies, maybe even deranged scriptwriters?
-Fryguy: Whaaat?! Aieee! Are there really such scary things down here?
-Lakitu: I dunno, but I'm sure I heard -some- kind of sinister noise back there....
-Fryguy: A...s...sinister noise...?
-Koopa: Sorry, that was me. Look, are you sure it's okay to just leave Mouser behind? Do you think he'll be safe?
-Lakitu: We'll have to come back for him later. It was no moment to try and reason with him, you know how stubborn he is, after all. Besides, with superhuman strength and heavy firepower like he has, I'm more worried about the monster.
-Koopa: Easy for you to say, you haven't seen how dangerous that monster's attacks really are. Triclyde seems to be going for full-on world conquest as of now. I just wonder where he got such a big monster from all of a sudden. In any case, he'll be a serious threat from now on, and....hey, what's this?
Koopa has halted his monologue and points forward, towards what looks like a large, iron door in front of them. They walk up to this door and stare at it. The door itself is covered in large katakana and Kanji writings. Subtitles appear on screen which translate the door's inscriptions as follows:
"Pulastikku Tokyo Catastrophe Control centre. Project Big Super Groovy Giant Robot -test subject A- Status: Abandoned. Highly dangerous; DO NOT ENTER. JUST PISS OFF VERY QUICKLY NOW! Okay?"
Koopa and co stare at this door, slightly dumbfounded.
-Koopa: Gee, that's a big and heavy door...
-Fryguy: It...it's kinda scary...
-Koopa: Too bad none of us can read Japanese, I can't tell what it says on here.
-Lakitu: Hang on, aren't we Japanese characters, originally created for use in a Japanese videogame? How come we can't read our native language?
-Koopa: Ah, well you see, for our three television series, the Mario license was bought up by a dopey Yanky company who just wanted to make a quick buck, and thus hired the least talented animation staff in the whole world. The result was three of the most inept-looking TV series ever made, full of irritating, unwitty and vurry Amurrican humour that seemed badly out of place. So that's why we can't read Japanese. We want all the nice kiddies at home to think we're a bunch of Yanks. And heaven forbid any mention of "weirdo foreign stuff", it must be prevented at any cost!
-Lakitu:...I see. In any case, whatever's behind that door, someone wanted to make sure it would stay there.
-Koopa: On the other hand, it might be an exit of some kind. Let's see if I can open this....
-Fryguy: Nooo! Suppose something scary happens! I'm too scared too watch!
While Fryguy dives away behind Lakitu for cover, Koopa places his hands on the large metal door. To everyone's surprise, a slight push from Koopa is enough to bring the huge door crashing to the ground, due it's heavy rust damage. After a short silence, Fryguy timidly pops up again and rubs the tears from his eyes. They all stare at what they have just uncovered; a large hangar where an inactive giant robot is being kept. Camera pans around the large robot, who has a foot symbol printed over his rotund belly.
-Fryguy: *gulp* I knew there'd be something scary here...quick, let's just get out of here before anything else happens!
-Koopa: No, wait a minute...that symbol on the robot's stomach...
Koopa takes a step in the robot's direction, and suddenly, the foot symbol glows dimly and the robot's eyes slowly light up. Koopa and Lakitu look at this, rather intrigued, while Fryguy dives away behind Lakitu again, shivering and whimpering.
-Koopa: Is it...trying to tell us something?
Fade out and cut back to Ushinator, who looks down to the wounded body of Mouser, sprawled across the pavement. Triclyde's voice is heard, echoing to Ushinator, giving her the following commands;
-Triclyde: Good job, the milk laser has immobilized him. Now, to make sure that he's dead, I want to see his body entirely vaporized! Ushinator, fire one more milk laser at him, that will surely tear his body to flimsy strands of bloody stuff, and we'll be rid of him forever! Turn him into nothingness, Ushinator!
And so, Ushinator once again raises her milk bottle, and the objects begins to glow. Mouser, in the meantime, still isn't moving....Fade out to some dramatic music and cut to Yoshi, who catches a few more whizzing military planes with his tongue and eats them, along with the apartment block he had just ripped out of the ground with his bare hands. He burps loudly and looks around the ravaged district surrounding him, where most of the buildings have either been eaten or trampled flat by him.
-Yoshi: Ah, that was delicious! After such a meal, I'm thirsty, I could do with something tasty to drink. But, where to find it...?
Suddenly, a dim white glow catches his eye. He turns around to spot Ushinator in the distance, towering over the city with her milk bottle pointed to the sky, shimmering brightly. Yoshi's eyes widen with enthusiasm at this sight. He immediately stampedes off in Ushinator's direction, who is very surprised to see this huge creature rushing towards her.
-Yoshi: Miiiilk! My faaavorite! Gimme gimme gimme gimme!
The first reaction of the shocked Ushinator is to quickly point her milk bottle at he rushing Yoshi in defense, and instead of blasting Mouser with her milk laser a second time, the bottle of deadly plasma empties itself in Yoshi's direction. Yoshi is caught in the blast, and hurtles backwards. As the glowing plasma funnel slowly engulfs him, the energy discharge causes him to shrink back to his usual size, and crash to the ground, where he remains motionless as well. Cut back to Triclyde who looks slightly surprised at this latest development.
-Triclyde: How strange, why didn't we notice the presence of that huge thing sooner?
-Righty: I'd say partly because that huge thing did nothing but pig out and mind it's own business, and partly because we were too busy gloating over our own giant monster to take notice of the overall situation.
-Triclyde: You keep your stupid comments to yourself! Now then, charging up another milk laser will be too slow and exhausting, so Ushinator will just have to stomp Mouser to death! Crush him to a bloody pulp underneath your hooves, Ushinator!
Just as Ushinator is about to execute this grim command, which would surely have dealt a death blow to Mouser, the ground begins to tremble violently. Startled, Ushinator looks at the shaking ground around her, until suddenly, the fat giant robot that Koopa and co have recently discovered in the sewers bursts out of the ground and poses triumphantly. Koopa's voice can be heard, coming from the machine's cockpit.
-Koopa: All riiight! This is so cool! I've always wanted to pilot a big robot like this! Ever since I was very little, I've been a fan of giant monsters and robots, they have such yummy giant feet! And now, I have my very own!
Cut to a shot inside to robot's cockpit, where Koopa is sitting, dressed in a pair of obscenely short schoolboy shorts, a checkered shirt, plus a schoolboy backpack and beanie cap. He grins a little more.
-Koopa: And it even has good fashion sense. The day is always saved by a person in shockingly minuscule shorts in these giant rubber monster features, and that's just what my outfit was magically changed into! Ah, this really is my kind of robot! Let's go and kick some Ushinator arse!
Lakitu and Fryguy, meanwhile, have clambered out of the hole left in the ground by the robot. Lakitu observes the scene pensively;
-Lakitu: I still don't really get it....back in that room in the sewers, the robot seemed to display some kind of activity. Then there was this big flash, and Lord Koopa has vanished. The robot started moving, with Lord Koopa at the commands somehow. Has the robot absorbed Lord Koopa into itself to use him as a pilot?
-Fryguy: Who cares?! Let's just run away, it's so scaaaaryyyy! I want my mommy, and my ciggies! Waaaahh!
Cut to Mario and his group, who have retrieved the unconscious, and now shrunk back to normal size Yoshi, and are observing the scene from a distance. Mario grins contently.
-Mario: Well, the giant Yoshi threat is vanquished, and it looks as if this robot is going to fight Ushinator for us. Isn't it nice when a solution pops up and everything's just peachy again?
-Misaki: You are gravely mistaken, everything couldn't possibly be worse. That robot out there, it's the giant robot project I told you about, the one we had to abandon. It has awoken, somehow....This spells disaster, in huge, bright, red letters. You see, that robot functions due to a nuclear core, but when testing, it was discovered that this core is terribly unstable. If the robot moves around too much, or gets too many shocks, the core overheats, and an explosion of staggering violence is the result. This robot is in fact the greatest menace of all to our city!
-Toad: But if you knew it was so dangerous, why did you just dump it in the sewer where -anyone- could find it?
-Misaki: Stop being such a smartass! I told you, the government keeps us on a strict budget, we couldn't afford a proper dumping place for it.
-Toad: Gee, just like on our show, there's never any money to avert the worst disasters possible.
-Misaki: But besides that, there was an almost zero chance that the robot would activate like this. This robot only functions when it finds a pilot who is adapted to it's own personality. You see, after a certain series with a weird purple robot, it's become the trend to make these sentient, sorta-intelligent robots with sorta-souls in them. That's what we did. Unless a person with a soul that matches the one of this robot arrives, it will hardly move. Up to today, nobody has ever displayed the personality that would make this robot run as perfectly as it does now.
-Princess: Hmmm, this robot's fat and has a big foot printed over it's belly....the one inside, it could only be....Koopa? Is it Koopa, fighting out there? Fighting so fiercely now?
Cut to a shot of Koopa's robot, landing a multitude of successful punches onto Ushinator's face and whirling around in a lethal dance of kicks and blows that make the cow monster stagger back slowly. Cut to a close-up of a hysterical-looking Misaki.
-Misaki: No waaaay! If it keeps running around like that, the core will overheat in less than five minutes! The city is doomed! I have only one option left one; commit ritual suicide!
-Toad: Wait, no need to overreact like that.....
Cut to a shot inside Triclyde's chamber, where he is looking totally in despair.
-Triclyde: No waaay! If that robot keeps whipping Ushinator like that, it will die in less than five minutes! We're doomed! There's only one option left for us; commit ritual suicide!
-Lefty: Wait, no need to go hysterical like that, Clyde.....
-Righty: Yes, and wait a minute, look at what's happening now....
Triclyde's three heads fix themselves onto the screens attentively. Camera cuts back to Koopa's robot, who has tripped over a speeding subway train and is losing his balance. Stumbling and waving his arms around in panic, Koopa's robot eventually falls to the ground, taking Ushinator with itself in it's fall. The big, fat robot is now lying motionless on top of Ushinator, who struggles to escape from beneath it's weight with loud moos of protest. Cut to a close-up of Koopa inside the cockpit who rubs his forehead after the impact.
-Koopa: Owie owie, I felt that. Hmm, what should I do now?
Suddenly, the lights and monitors surrounding Koopa begin to flash bright red, a siren begins to resound, and various emergency messages flash around him, causing him to gradually panic.
-Koopa: Eh? What's going on? An emergency? Yikes! It says here; "main core meltdown imminent. Code light apple-red emergency, you're dead, sucker!" And over there, it reads, "About to go up in smoke and kill you in a blazing inferno of an explosion". No way! It's telling me it'll blow up! Aieee! I want to get out of here! Get me out! Haaaalp!
Koopa hysterically pounds against the escape hatch, but it refuses to open. He looks around in desperate panic, realizing that everything is lost, until suddenly, a loud crunching noise is heard, and a fist punches through the solid surface of the cockpit. A second fist follows, and the pair of hands then tears a large chunk of metal out of the cockpit's surface. The one who has just made a way out of the robot with his bare hands is none other than Mouser, and he stretches out his hand towards Koopa.
-Mouser: Lord Koopa! I'm getting you out of here!
-Koopa: Mouser! It's you!
Cut to a rapid fast-forward shot of Mouser running away, carrying Koopa again. Once Mouser and Koopa have disappeared from sight, the robot, which is still lying on top of Ushinator begins to release heat fumes, and eventually blows up. A mass of bright fire engulfs Ushinator, and she disappears into the flames with one last moo of agony. Trouble is, the explosion also takes most of the city with itself. Fade out and cut to a pan around the ruined Pulastikku Tokyo. Buildings have been reduced to rubble or burnt to a crisp everywhere. All that is left of Ushinator is a giant grilled beef steak, lying on the ground in the middle of the city's ruins. Suddenly, Mario and his group run past, with an enraged Misaki on their heels.
-Misaki: Youuuu! It's all your fault, the city is destroyed because of you! I will killll youuu!
-Mario: But it wasn't our fault, we keep telling you!
-Toad: Don't argue, just run for it!
They disappear into the distance, still shouting in panic. Camera zooms out, then cuts to a shot of Koopa and his men, standing on a cliff overlooking the destroyed city. Fryguy has passed out and is lying on the ground with swirly eyes and cigarettes scattered all around him.
-Fryguy: Ahwawawah.....scary.....so scary....
-Lakitu: He's out cold, the shock must've been too much for him....
-Koopa: Never mind, he'll be allright. *sigh* That was some battle. But we won! We kicked their arses!
-Mouser: We did it! Wahoo! Viva us!
Overcome with the heady feeling of their victory, Koopa and Mouser grab each other by the hands, and begin to dance around, shouting out several victorious cries. They eventually calm down, and notice how unusually close to each other they're standing. A short silence follows....
-Koopa: Mouser, you saved me from getting killed horrendously -twice- today.....
-Mouser:....Lord Koopa, it...it is my pleasure *big blush*....
An overly-tacky piece of music plays as they very slowly inch a little closer. Mouser closes his eyes, doing his best to hide his blushing...Cut to Lakitu, who looks at them from over his shoulder.
-Lakitu: Ohhh no, I don't want to see this, I do not want to see this.
And he doesn't, as at that very moment, a figure bursts from the piles of rubble beneath them; Triclyde explodes onto the scene, hovering in the sky with a jetpack. The shock of him suddenly popping out of the ground so loudly has caused both Koopa and Mouser jump backwards in surprise.
-Koopa: Man! I damn near had a heart attack!
-Triclyde: Grrrr, you bunch of bastards ruined my entire scenario, but don't think you've won just yet! I will now do what every megalomaniac bastard übervillain does when he loses one round; I'll run away like an utter wuss, shouting empty menaces! So nyah! I will return, and the violence of my bloodthirsty wrath will leave nothing but piles of mutilated corpses in it's wake! My vengeance will be terrible! Terrible! You will all diiiiieee! Wooah ha ha ha haaa!
His insane laughter fades out as he flies away with his buzzing jetpack, until he's only a small glint in the sky. Everyone just stares around, flummoxed at this outburst for a while, until Mouser gets back on his feet, and punches both his fists up at the sky;
-Mouser: Just come whenever you want, I'm not afraid of you! For ruining -such- a crucial moment in my affair with Lord Koopa, I will kick your slimy arse, I promise you! I won't rest until I've made a snakeskin handbag out of you, you bastard!
-Lakitu: Oh no, Mouser has added another person to his list of "enemies that stand in his way for being with Koopa and must be violently eliminated with a maximum of gratuitous destruction". He never learns...
-Fryguy: S...so does this mean...even more scary things are going to happen? Ohh noooo, squeeeek!
END of this episode.