Super Mario Parody Story:
The Super Mario Bros. Freaky Show!
|-Mario: They say thirteen is an unlucky
number. Well, it is for you if you're reading this,
because this is the Super Mario Brothers' Freaky Show!
Episode 13: "Les Enfants Terribles"
-"Plumber's log, number -50%. Our character designer has gone missing, so the characters will be designed by the dubbing mixer for this episode. Apart from that, I forgot my lines, but it makes no difference, as I don't appear until about halfway into this episode. In fact, I have nothing to say about the first half of this episode, so let's cut this nonsense out already and move on to the action. Oh, and the director has just had another collapse. He's being carried away to the hospital right now. Looks like that's another episode we'll have to shoot without him. Oh well..."
Fade in to a view of some deserted hills, where a stormy wind is howling over the rocky surface. Triclyde is standing tall in this desolate location, facing a group of shadowy figures in front of him. None of the mysterious figures' faces can be seen, but they are all wearing black capes that flutter in the harsh gusts of wind. Lefty is holding a sheet of paper between his teeth. Zoom in on this sheet of paper to reveal the following text printed out on it;
We wish to issue a challenge to the one called Triclyde, in order to fight him bare-handed. If he really thinks he's as tough as he claims to be, let him come to the Spooky Stormy Wasteland-ish Place at the beginning of this episode where we will await him. That is, if he dares....
Signed: go figure"
Clyde then looks up to the figures facing him and speaks up sternly.
-Triclyde: So, you're the ones who sent me this challenge? Just who are you anyways?
One of the cloaked figures, apparently the spokesman then steps forward and answers Clyde with these words:
-??: Our identities are irrelevant for now. As we expected, you showed up...Just to make sure, you -are- the one known as Triclyde, aren't you?
-Triclyde: No, I'm really Fidel Castro in disguise, but don't spread the word. Of course I'm Triclyde, you moron!
-??: Ho ho ho...your reactions are exactly the way we expected. You are cold, cynical, shifty and cruel. At least, that is what we concluded after our research about you. We also know that you are one of the most fervent enemies of the Koopa family. In fact, you're the only one who poses a serious threat to the Koopa empire, and that's the reason why we challenged you to a fight. You see, our goal is to eliminate the Koopa empire as well, but we will do this thoroughly. Before we launch our attack, we must be sure that we are strong enough. If we can defeat you, we'll surely have what it takes to master the Koopa forces. But moreover, with your devilish intelligence and your cunning, you could very well become a threat to us....especially since you are such a determined enemy of the Koopa clan. We can't take any risks, the first step of our operation has to be your elimination!
-Triclyde: Very well then...you've had a monologue that lasted one whole paragraph, perhaps now you'll cut the talk and get into action?
-??: I thought you'd never ask....Go!!
With those words, the mysterious figures suddenly leap forward at blinding speed, which takes Clyde by surprise.
-Lefty: *gasp* They're so quick!
Just then, one of the cloaked figures dashes past Lefty and knocks him out with a few rapid blows.
-Lefty: Guh....I'm finished...farewell, cruel world...arrrrgh...*faints*
-Triclyde: Lefty! No way, they got Lefty before we could even fight back!
-Righty: Those guys are tough. We'd better watch it!
But at that moment, another one of Clyde's opponents pops up behind him and swiftly knocks out Righty as well.
-Righty: Gasp! Wheeze! Pant! Etcetera! *faints as well*.
-Triclyde: Righty! It's impossible, how can they defeat me so quickly?!
And finally, a group of the mysterious figures rushes towards Clyde dead-on and delivers the final blow to him. He sinks to the ground, unconscious and badly bruised. The spokesman of the cloaked geezers then stands up and sniggers.
-??: That was even more easy than we expected. Now, we're ready to take on our true goal. The Koopa empire will fall by our hands! Uh wu ha ha ha haaa!
Camera zooms out as the group of mysterious nasties laughs evilly, then fades out. Cut to a shot of Koopa's latest castle, and dissolve to a close-up of Koopa sleeping. After some snoring and mumbling (the words "want... feet licked..." can just about be picked up if you listen carefully), he wakes up and stretches a few times. He then removes the covers from the bed, revealing a trendy peach pink nightgown made of frilly lace. He looks down to his feet, which are resting on heart-shaped satin cushions. He leans forward to his feet and pats them gently, while speaking these words to them:
-Koopa: Good morning, my beauties. Did you sleep well? Ah, you're looking especially gorgeous today, my precious feet, papa is proud of you! Now, let's slip into our nice black S&M high-heel booties and force the Flurries to drool on our toes, yes? Won't that be fun? *big grin*
Just then, a shadow pops up behind Koopa, and an angered voice pronounces these words:
-"This....is just typical. You haven't changed at all, old man...."-
-Koopa: What?? That voice! No, it couldn't be....?!
Shocked, Koopa turns around to spot the sinister cloaked figures that have just beaten up Triclyde standing by his bed. He shrieks out a girlish yelp upon seeing this. The figures then step forward and throw off their black mantles, revealing their identities; they are the seven children of Koopa, the fearsome Koopalings.
-Koopa: I knew it, it's you! Uhm...uh...Coochy Koopa!
The seven kids hurl themselves to the ground in despair. Kooky then gets up and barks angrily.
-Kooky: No, no, no, that's totally wrong!!
-Bully: His name's Kooky.
-Kooky: Shut up, imbecile! I hate that name! I'm called Ludwig von Koopa, Lud-wig! Is that so difficult to remember?!
-Bully: It was for the animators. They think my name is Bully, but I'm really called Roy. It's scandalous. Why we oughtta....
-Hip: I agree! They gave us, the handsome and dashing twins Iggy and Lemmy such pathetic names as Hip and Hop! It's almost as bad as US dubbed Pokemon renaming! How dare they?!
-Hop: And then that's not all! They made us talk in these stupid combo-sentences, and they totally screwed up our character design! I mean, look at us, we resemble a pair of chickens on speed and our luxurious multi-coloured mops of hair were plucked down to some measly stumps! What have they -done- to us?!
-Cheatsy: I'm so ashamed about what they did to my name and looks that I'll try to appear as little as possible. Oh, how woeful to think that the proud prince Larry Koopa could be reduced to such a state by inept animators.
-Bigmouth: I hate these Cleopatra eyelashes they stuck onto me, and the joke about me talking too much is rubbish. We -never- talked in the games, now did we?
-Kootie: And with the lines -they- wrote for us, we were better off not talking at all! Good thing we hunted down the imbeciles responsible for disgracing us so badly, and killed them in the slow and painful way they deserved!
-Bully: Amen to that!
With those words, he takes out a big plastic bag and empties it's contents on the floor; a heap of dirty, dusty bones, which once belonged to the animation staff behind the Koopaling's re-designs comes clattering out of the bag.
-Kooky: This is the fate that awaits everyone who treats us disrespectfully! And you will be next, old man!
He then menacingly points his finger at Koopa. Close-up of Koopa's deeply puzzled face, who is also beginning to look a little panicky.
-Koopa: Eh? What?? Oh no, don't come any closer! Aiiieeee!!
Zoom out as Koopa screams in terror, then cut to a pan around the Koopa Kafé. Fryguy is sitting by the bar, a burning cigarette between his lips. He blows out some cigarette smoke and stares at it.
-Fryguy:....Trashika, where have you disappeared to? Ever since the battle at the Koopa Koliseum, she hasn't shown up at all. But....
He has a short flashback to the scene where Triclyde, in his battle mech was easily defeated by Sanshiro.
-Fryguy...Triclyde, I just can't get used to the idea that -you- were Trashika all along.
At that moment, Mouser slanters onto the scene and leans over the bar, addressing these words to the bartender.
-Mouser: The usual, and make it quick.
Clawgrip, who also runs the bar when he's not on cooking duties hurriedly scuttles off and brings Mouser a large glass filled with a funky-colored liquid.
-Mouser: Ahh, a gin'n nitro, I was dying for that.
He quickly downs the glass, and then looks over to Fryguy. A sneaky smirk appears on his face as he leans over to Fryguy and speaks these words to him;
-Mouser: Say, have you heard the news about the ugly grool you had the hots for? That Trashika?
-Fryguy: What, you have news about her?! Oh, I hope it's not scary!
-Mouser: From my point of view, it's very good news. She was fired three days ago, thought I'd let you know.
A large comedy axe with the word "FIRED!" carved in it's blade crashes down into Fryguy's skull. He then looks up forlornly with big, watery eyes.
-Fryguy: Fired? Miss Trashika got the sack?
-Mouser: Yup, she never showed up during any operations. During the Koopa Kombat tournament, she was nowhere to be found either. Lord Koopa figured that was the last straw and kicked her out. See, he's really a man of fine intellect and good taste. Ahh...*big sigh* what a guy, he has -everything- for him!
-Fryguy: I...I can't believe it....
-Mouser: Well, you'd better. Her replacement has even been taken care of.
-Fryguy: Hmm...I wonder who they'll use to replace her?
At that point, Lakitu suddenly pops up behind Fryguy with a casual mumble of "yo".
-Fryguy: Heeyaaaargh! You scared me half to death! And just when I've run outta smokes! Clawgrip, bring me another pack of Camels, quickly!
Clawgrip pops by and dumps a pack of ciggies before Fryguy. He immediately lights the whole lot of them and begins to smoke them up.
-Clawgrip: You smoke too much.
-Fryguy: But I need to now, I was so scared! It's such a shock to find out Lakitu was chosen to replace Miss Trashika!
-Lakitu: Nevertheless, that's the way it is. But that's not the best part, if you want really shocking, here's some news for you...
-Fryguy: No, don't tell me, I'm scared as it is!
-Mouser: I want to know what it is. Lay it on us, Lakitu.
-Fryguy: *in a low voice* Mouser, you dirty bastard....
-Lakitu: Well, it's like this. Just this morning, Lord Koopa's kids have popped by and...
-Mouser & Fryguy: His kids?!!
-Lakitu: Yes, all seven of them. Anyway, they've come to...
-Mouser: Oh my, this is....I didn't know Lord Koopa and I have had children! My god, that means I'm a father? I'm...I'm a daddy?!
-Lakitu: Don't freak out, you're not the father. What I'm trying to say is...
-Mouser: Oh well, then I'll be the mother, it's all the same to me. Oh, it's wonderful, Lord Koopa and I have had children! I've got go see my babies! Mommy's comiiing!
Mouser stampedes off immediately, ignoring Lakitu's words.
-Lakitu: Hey, wait a minute, come back!
-Fryguy: No use talking to him, he doesn't listen when he gets Lord Koopa on the brain.
-Lakitu: This might go very, very wrong. I never got to tell him that those seven kids are definitely -not- friendly.
-Fryguy: Hm? What makes you think that?
-Lakitu: Well, they annihilated 75% of our troops on their way in and proclaimed loud and clear that they're here on a revenge mission.
-Fryguy: Uh-oh, and now Mouser thinks he's their mother (somehow)....this is going to get scary! Eep, I can't stand it!
Fade out and cut back to a shot in Koopa's quarters. The seven Koopalings have tied him to a chair and are standing around him with nasty grins.
-Koopa: But why? I don't understand why you're doing this to your very own father!
-Kooky: Hah! Father? That's a joke, you've always been a terrible father! You never even wanted to have children, the only reason you had us was because you kept frolicking around with whomever you caught sight of, and when you got stuck with children, you had no idea to how to handle them!
-Bigmouth: You never gave a damn about us at all! You care more for your feet than for us! The only reason you allowed us to appear in a few measly games was so you could use us as weapons against Mario! You've always used us for your own selfish ends!
-Koopa: That's not true at all! Don't you remember, I paid for exclusive piano lessons for Kootie.
-Kootie: Don't play innocent! We know that you only gave me piano lessons because you fancied the piano teacher!
-Koopa: Well, she was good-looking, and I do admire a musical woman....
-Cheatsy: And that's not all! The only reason you arranged for tennis lessons for us was so that you could make a pass at our tennis instructor!
-Koopa: I also admire athletic men...especially blond ones, you know.
-Bully: And it gets worse! The only reason you bought me a puppy dog when I turned five was because....
-Kooky: Yes, I don't think we should drag the tragic puppy dog episode into this. Suffice to say that you forced us to grow up in very traumatizing conditions! But now that we're old enough to fend for ourselves, we've completed a long and harsh training voyage after which we're strong enough to finally make you pay!
-Bigmouth: Now you just stay right here, old man, and we'll be back very soon. You're going to -love- the next part of our cruel and twisted vengeance!
The seven walk away with sinister chuckles, leaving Koopa behind. He speaks these words to himself;
-Koopa: Oh no, this is bad! They're going to do terrible things to me! But I still have a chance...
With his foot he begins to reach towards his cellular phone, lying on his desk. After a long struggle, he grabs the device and activates it.
-Koopa: For the love of God, let this work....
Cut to a shot inside princess Toadstool's castle. Her telephone rings, and she picks it up.
-Princess: If it's the Telecom service customer poll -again-, go shoot yourselves!
But from the other end, Koopa's voice is faintly heard.
-Koopa: No, it's me. Something terrible has happened! I'm under attack! Listen, you've got to go to my castle and bring your plumber posse along. They're the only ones who can beat my enemies! Please hurry, the situation is desperate here!
-Princess: Koopa? What's going on? What's the matter?
-Koopa: They're coming back, I can't talk anymore. But you must hurry! Save me from their claws with your Mario gang! That's my only chance!
Quickly cut to a shot of Koopa who spits out the phone he was holding between his teeth, just as his children come back. They haven't noticed what has just happened, as their arms are loaded with enormous heaps of clothes.
-Kooky: There, we're back. We just popped round your wardrobe for a quick look around.
-Koopa: Whaaat?! No way, you wouldn't dare touch my outfits!
-Hip: We know that's your prime weak spot, so we'll surely abuse of it. Do you remember that trend in the sixties where people used to burn their bras?
-Koopa: No...no, you wouldn't dare!
-Hop: Watch us!
Bully then holds up a large, pale blue lace bra and takes out a cigarette lighter. Kookie then speaks up to Koopa.
-Kookie: Right, now we're going to play a game, old man. And it won't include any foot-licking. Instead, this is the game of Not Telling Too Many Lies Anymore.
-Koopa: Gulp...I don't like the sound of that....
-Bully: Stop complaining and obey us! Now, if you don't tell us what we want to know, the bra gets it!
-Koopa: No, I beg of you, don't burn it! That's a genuine Tati brand! I got it in their summer sale!
-Bully: Well, it all depends on you, old man. Now tell me, who is my mother?
-Koopa: Eh?? Oh, uhm...well, I don't really remember...
-Bigmouth: Shame on you! You really don't give a damn about us at all! That's the last straw. Bully, burn the bra!
-Koopa: No, wait! Give me a chance, I'll try to remember! Uhm...maybe it was that waitress...or that fortune teller or....uhm...
-Bully: You can't even remember. Right, the bra gets it. And the stockings will be next!
-Koopa: Noooo! Have mercy, pleeeease!
Cut to a close-up of Bully's cigarette lighter menacingly nearing the bra he's holding up, while some sinister music plays. But suddenly, Mouser's voice interrupts this scene with the following shout.
-Mouser: My baaaabies!
Mouser rushes into the room with a huge grin and begins to huggle each of the seven slightly astonished children.
-Mouser: Ohhh, mommy has missed you soooo much! I'm so happy to have you back, my little angels!
-Kootie: Who the hell is this maniac?
-Mouser: What?? Oh....oh, that's terrible. You mean to say...you don't remember your own mother anymore? *eyes brimming with tears* How terribly tragic....
-Bigmouth: Do you think this finally solves the eternal mystery of our mother's true identity?
-Kootie: Naah, that can't be our mother. That's a guy.
-Cheatsy: But modern science stands for nothing, and nor does our father. I mean, you know how he does the most outrageously freaky things, so maybe he -did- make a man pregnant somehow....
-Kooky: And now that you mention it, our writers do pull such feats of reality-twisting as inverting the laws of gravity and give characters the ability to breathe in space and under water...so anything -is- possible.
Mouser the ruins their pensive mood by picking up Bully, Bigmouth and Cheatsy and cheerfully stampeding off with them while pronouncing these words:
-Mouser: Now, let's do loads of those parent-sibling things we need to catch up on! Sorry, but I can't take out all seven of you in one go, but I promise I'll have loads of fun with the other four when I'm back! Just play with your father in the meantime, okay?
-Kooky: We were playing a game with him, yes.
Mouser stands still and contemplates the scene. He finally notices how Koopa is tied to a chair and heaps of clothes litter the area.
-Mouser: *big grin* Oh yes, your father -does- like those kind of games. Be right back!
He then rushes away with the three children he had grabbed, leaving the others behind, slightly bewildered.
-Kootie: What in the world was that all about?
-Hip: Was that person really our mother?
-Hop: Or has something really freakish just happened?
While Mouser drags the three boys away with him, he smirks and thinks these words to himself:
-Mouser: Lord Koopa's children! I couldn't have hoped for a better opportunity! All I need to do is get in these kids' good books so that they will want me as a parent, and they will bring me closer to Lord Koopa! I can finally get my hands on Lord Koopa via his children! Brilliant!
He rushes out of the castle, dragging the three still-dumbfounded boys behind him. Fade out and cut to a shot of Mario, Yoshi and Toad standing around the princess, in the main hall of the Mushroom castle.
-Mario: Whaaat?! Koopa is preparing a deadly secret weapon?! I won't allow him! Princess, we're going in there to kick his arse! Let's move out!
-Yoshi, Toad & princess: Okay!
Mario walks over to a closet, opens it's doors and pulls out Luigi who had been stored there among such other objects as brooms and buckets. Meanhwile, the princess turns away and sniggers nastily to herself:
-Princess: Nya ha ha, lucky Mario is so dumb! He fell for my stupid story about Koopa building a secret weapon, now he's coming with me to Koopa's fort, and with his strength and brute violence, we'll beat those intruders that are bothering my Koopa-honeybuns! Nevertheless....I'm worried about these invaders Koopa called about. If his last resource is to call on Mario, it may be pretty bad...
Fade out and cut to a view of Mouser with the three Koopa boys in tow. They're strolling through the streets of a nearby small town. Mouser grins widely and adresses these words to them:
-Mouser: And now, my dear boys, let's have loads of fun!
-Cheatsy: No offense man, but this is just another boring small town with badly-drawn blokeys in it. Doesn't look like much of a hot-spot to me.
-Mouser: Don't worry, that makes no difference! Look closely; do you see that old man over there in a wheelchair, who is also totally deaf and half blind?
He points to a small old man in the distance, and the three boys take a look.
-Bigmouth: Oh, the animators made a colouring error on that old man's left arm.
-Mouser: Now, observe....
Mouser then takes out a rocket launcher and fires it in the direction of the poor pensioner. With a loud explosion and a yelp of despair, the old man is flung away into the distance.
-Mouser: Heh heh, wasn't that groovy?
-Bully: But...but that is....
-Cheatsy: That's a rocket launcher of the Mountain Eagle 02 type, standard issue heavy artillery, code number 004384!
-Cheatsy: Muh...mister Mouser! Please!
-Mouser: Oh no, don't call me mister, you really shouldn't! Please call me mommy!
-Cheatsy: Anything you say, but please, pleeease, let us have a go with that rocket launcher!
-Bully: It's sooo cooool!
-Mouser: Oh, if you like that, there's plenty more. Let's see now...
Mouser begins to empty his pockets, producing masses of weaponry of several types:
-Mouser: Deer hunting rifle, flame thrower, Mag 60, lightweight UZI, rapid-fire machine gun, sniper rifle, and a few odds and ends.
-Bully, Bigmouth & Cheatsy: Cooool!!
-Bigmouth: And...and will you let us use these? Please?
-Mouser: Please who?
-Bully, Bigmouth & Cheatsy: Please, mom! Mommy darling! We lurve you, mommy!
-Mouser: Of course, my little sweethearts! Go ahead and play with all the guns you like!
-Bully, Bigmouth & Cheatsy: Yahooo!!
The three boys pick up armfuls of guns and immediately set about destroying the entire town. Buildings go up in flames, people scream in agony as bursts of chaingun fire rip through them and bullets tear through the air all over the place. Mouser contemplates this violent scene with a serene smile on his face.
-Mouser: That's my boys. Hmmm, they're really so cute.
He then notices one last bazooka lying at his feet. He picks up the weapon
-Mouser: *sigh* Why not, I could do with some gratuitous mass destruction of my own.
He then fires the bazooka into a nearby building, which is reduced to rubble immediately. Zoom out of the town that is being blown to smithereens and fade out. Cut back to a shot in Koopa's castle. Koopa is still tied to the chair, with his four remaining children menacingly surrounding him.
-Kooky: Now then, let's pick up our little game again, shall we?
-Koopa: Oh no, I beg of you! Leave my poor clothes alone!
-Kooky: Heh, not a chance, old man.
But just as Kooky is about to make a grab for a pair of leopard-print tights, Fryguy and Lakitu come running in.
-Lakitu: Milord! It's an emergency! We're under attack from Mario and his cohorts!
-Fryguy: It's so scaryyy! What should we do?!
-Kooky: What was that you said? Mario's here?!
-Lakitu: Yes, and that's not all! But...wait a minute, why is Lord Koopa tied to a chair, and what are all his clothes doing here? Is something going on here?
-Koopa: Yes, there is! These brats have...
-Kooky: Silence! Flunkies! If we're under attack, why are you whimpering around here?! Get out there and fight!
-Fryguy: But I always just whimper around! I'm scared!
-Kooky: *thundering voice* Do not contradict me!!
Terrified, Fryguy and Lakitu run off. Kootie then speaks up.
-Kootie: This might be troublesome. Our stupid father's servants won't be up to the job, that's for sure. I'd better go there as well and take Hip and Hop along. Let's kick some Mario arse!
-Hip: My thoughts exactly!
-Hop: We'll show you how it's done, old man!
Cut to a shot of the Mario gang just inside the castle's main hall, surrounded by Koopa Troopas.
-Mario: Ho hum, surrounded by Troopas again. But that's no reason to worry.
Mario leisurely strolls up to one of the Troopas and takes out a chainsaw. All this time, the Troopa doesn't budge an inch, he doesn't do so much as blink, he just stands there and stares. Mario revs up his chainsaw, and once it's running at full whack, he neatly slices the Troopa in two pieces. He does the same to all the surrounding Troopas who never even move in the slightest.
-Toad: Ah, for once the crappy quality of the animation works to our advantage! Our animators never could remember to time the movements of the Troopas in a convincing way.
-Princess: Yah, they always just stand there and let Mario kill them.
-"It won't be so easy to deal with us!!"-
Lakitu and Fryguy have appeared on the scene, and Lakitu immediately throws a few spiked balls at the Mario group. However, Yoshi catches these with his tongue and spits them back. Lakitu is hit by his own projectiles and passes out.
-Lakitu: Bummer....so much for my first fight scene....*faints*
-Fryguy: No way! What should I do now?! I'm so scaaared!
-Mario: Heh heh, it's beating up the wimps that makes working on this show so much fun!
But Fryguy takes out his Kaleido Moon Smoke and sort of tries to look tough.
-Fryguy: Don't come any closer! I'll order Kurama and Hiei to attack if you take another step!
-Mario: Oh, suuuure.
-Fryguy: Nooo, it's not fair! It's too scaryyyy! Eeeeh!
Before Mario can throw a punch at Fryguy, he faints on his own accord, and Mario looks a bit dissappointed. But just then, the sound of footsteps is heard, and Hip and Hop arrive on the scene. They immediately start to do over-the-top poses.
-Hip: For hate and injustice!
-Hop: The spiky-shelled Koopa Senshi!
-Hip: Iggy and Lemmy!
-Hop: Or, in the twisted views of the animators, Hip and Hop (oh, gimme a break). And in name of the Koop....
-Hip & Hop: We'll punish you!
-Mario: *sigh* It's sad, but this is what internationally famous shojo anime series do to young people. Time to put a halt to this! To take out two enemies in one go, I have just the thing!
Mario then takes out Luigi and brandishes him over his head. He slowly begins to bend Luigi, while the sinister sounds of breaking bones and agonised screams can be heard. Once Luigi is bent into a V shape, Mario chucks his mutilated brother into the air, and he swishes at the two Koopalings like a boomerang, knocking them both unconscious. He then comes sailing back into Mario's hand, who poses proudly.
-Mario: The new and extra-brutal Luigi Boomerang Deluxe! Shudder in terror, simple mortals!
However, Kootie's voice then cuts into the scene as she walks in via a large door.
-Kootie: You'll have to do better then that to get past me! As I expected, my stupid brothers failed hopelessly, but I'm different! I'm the real deal, now eat it!
She takes off her two bracelets, and they turn into hovering, glowing buzzsaw blades which she begins to chuck around the room. Cut to a few rapid still-shots of Mario and co barely avoiding these deadly projectiles.
-Toad: No way! This one's tough!
-Yoshi: What should we do? Those buzzsaws don't look tasty at all!
-Princess: Mario, listen! We can't lose time here, so I'll leave you to fight her off, while I go and sabotage that secret weapon thingy of Koopa! I'm counting on you!
Before anyone can react, the princess dashes off in fast-forward, leaving the others a little astonished.
-Toad: The princess actually undertakes action on her own account and -gets it right-?? That's not like her at all...something's fishy about this.
-Yoshi: Whoah, watch out!
They duck out of the way just as another one of Kootie's bracelet-buzzsaws swishes past them.
-Kootie: Ha ha ha! You won't beat me, you morons!
-Mario: We really are in it deep this time....
Cut to a shot of the princess, who has made her way to Koopa's room by now. She spots Koopa, tied to a chair on his own.
-Koopa: No, don't come any closer, it's dangerous!
Kooky then appears from behind Koopa, grinning meanly.
-Kooky: Ah, we were expecting you, princess. It will be my pleasure to brutally kill you in front of my cretinous father's eyes! It will be the best punishment for the rotten childhood he put us through!
-Princess: Oh no...no way! I'm doomed now!
But just then, a loud rumble is heard, and the wall next to the princess caves in. Mouser comes striding in, with the other Koopalings in tow. He chucks a few figures onto the floor in front of him. These are revealed to be Mario Yoshi and Toad, all severely beaten up. Mouser is hissing in anger and covered in sweat and swollen blood vessels. He points to the battered and bruised Hip and Hop who have just regained consciousness and are leaning onto the shoulders of their brothers for support. Mouser almost screams hysterically when he speaks up:
-Mouser: You....You've hurt my children! You sorry bitch! I'm going to tear all the flesh from your damned bones!!
-Princess: Uh oh....
-Koopa: Princess! This is our chance! Quickly, you must activate the control panel of the security cameras!
-Bigmouth: Security cameras?
-Cheatsy: Oh shit! We forgot to take those out!
The princess rapidly jumps to a control panel on the other side of the room and presses a button marked "replay".
-Koopa: Mouser, look well at this!
On the screen of Koopa's large TV, the feedback from the castle's security cams begins to play. Close-up of Mouser's face as the light from the screen reflects in his eyes and the truth about the motives that drove the Koopalings are revealed to him. He slowly turns to the seven children, as flames of rage smolder in the background....
Cut to a shot of Triclyde, covered in plasters and bandages. Lefty is entirely covered in white bandages and Righty is holding a walking stick in his jaws. Clyde is slowly edging forward.
-Triclyde: Damn those little bastards! I'll get them yet! We should be at Koopa's castle soon.
-Lefty: Hummmph! Mumble! Mmmmpph!
-Triclyde: You, zip it. Nobody messes with me like that!
He has now made his way to a cliff from which Koopa's castle can be seen in the distance.
-Righty: But, can we beat them with all our wounds, Clyde?
-Triclyde: We won't be surprised a second time! We're going to smash their faces in!
But then, the whole area begins to tremble, and violent crashes can be heard coming from the castle.
-Righty: Unless someone's beaten us to it....
-Lefty: Muhm muhmmmf?
At that very moment, the whole castle explodes in a violent column of flames and debris start to fly around everywhere, blowing Triclyde off his cliff with a surprised yelp. Cut to a shot of Mouser, standing in the middle of this explosion with a smoking gun five times his own size clutched in his hands.
-Mouser: Damned little two-timing brats! That'll show them for being mean to my Lord Koopa! Damn, I hate children! I hate theeeem!
The seven Koopalings have been flung high into the air by the explosion. Cut to a shot of Bigmouth, soaring through the air.
-Bigmouth: We messed up! Bummer, I wanted to play with the cool guns some more!
The seven soar off into the distance with a loud scream. Camera then moves down to show Koopa and the princess, who have landed some distance away from the explosion site, and Koopa has passed out from this blast.
-Princess: Koopa, wake up already! Explain this to me! What the hell was this mess with your children about?! Koopa, answer me!
-Koopa: Hmmm....mumble...I...want my feet licked....mummmble...zzzz
-Princess: *sigh* Koopa, you will -never- change...
END of this episode