|Super Mario Alternate Universe Story:
Mario's High School Days
Episode 1: Getting Started: We Want To Be Popular!
Today, we moved to the capital. I can hardly believe how big this city is! It's exciting, but sometimes I feel a little lost too....Anyway, tomorrow will be the first day at a new school for me and Mario. The school is called Nintendo High, and I hear it's a pretty up-market facility. I'm anxious to find out what it's like. Well, gotta go now. I need my sleep in order to get up on time. What would it look like if we were late on our first day, eh?
(Morning. Mario is walking down a street. Luigi is there too, but he's running rather than walking.)
-Luigi: Mario! Hurry up, or we'll be late!
-Mario: You've already told me that a million times. I don't see why you make such a big deal out of it....
-Luigi: Because it would make a bad impression to be late on our first day, especially if I tell them that I was late because I had to wait for my fat brother who took a whole hour to gobble up his huge breakfast!
-Mario: Then just tell them something else, like you got kidnapped by thugs on the way to school and barely managed to escaped or something....
-Luigi: I can't do that! And anyway, they'd never believe such a dumb story! And besides, Mario, we're sixteen now, we should try to behave more responsibly!
-Mario: Ah, Luigi, you're such a goody-two-shoes! You're pathetic!
-Luigi: Just shut up and move it! We're nearly there, that's the school building over there!
-Mario: Sure is big....
(Mario and Luigi arrive at the school building, just a few minutes early.)
-Luigi: Well, I'm off! Gotta get to my classroom! See you at lunch time, Mario!
(Luigi rushes off)
-Mario: Yeah, yeah, see ya....geez, why does he always get so worked up about things? Well, let's see now, I'm supposed to go to classroom 64-DD.....hmm, I have no idea were that is, but there's plenty of time to find out.....
(Suddenly, a voice booms through a speaker)
-Speaker: Attention, all students! Classes will start in exactly one minute! All students are requested to head to their classrooms now!
-Mario:...one...minute...??.....Oh no, what should I do??! I've gotta find 64-DD! Quickly!
(Mario starts to run around hysterically through the whole building in search of classroom 64-DD. He doesn't look where he's going and before long he runs into someone and they both crash to the floor. The one Mario crashed into is none other than Falco Lombardi, the most beautiful and also most popular boy in Nintendo High)
-Falco: Owwww....can't you be more careful, kid?....!!..Oh no!!
-Mario: What? What's the matter? You look so worried all of a sudden. Is anything wrong?
-Falco: Obviously, you moron! What if you had damaged my heavenly gorgeous face?? That would be a catastrophe!
(After looking deeply into a hand mirror, Falco breathes a sigh of relief)
-Falco: No...it's okay...heh heh heh...It'll take more that a stupid kid bumping into me to inflict damage upon the invincible and incredibly handsome Falco!
-Mario: Ummm....I don't really understand what you're talking about....but would you know where classroom 64-DD is?
-Falco: Hm? Oh, that's right down this hall. Say, who are you anyway? I mean, I don't remember ever seeing you here before...
-Mario: Yeah, I just started here today.
-Falco: Figures....If I had ever seen someone with such a stupid face, I'm sure I would have remembered....
-Mario: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!
-Falco: Never mind, just get to your class. You don't want to be late, now do you?
-Mario: Yeah, guess so....ummm...shouldn't you go to class as well?
-Falco: Only if I feel like it, which is not now. I don't take orders from anyone, you see?
(Falco walks off)
-Mario: What a weird guy.....Ah, 64-DD is right here! I just made it in time...phew....
(And so the first day at Nintendo High starts for Mario and Luigi......)
(After the morning classes are over, the students have half an hour's worth of lunch break. Luigi is looking for Mario. Joining him is Yoshi, a boy who was asked by the teacher to show Luigi around Nintendo High. Being a lively and very social person, Yoshi gladly agreed to do so. Being also a bit of a food-obsessed person, Yoshi decided that it was of extreme importance that Luigi would know the way to the school cantine, and proceeded to showing him the way there. On their way to the cantine, however, Luigi noticed something strange: a large crowd of people was gathered in one spot, yelling excitedly. Maybe Yoshi would know what was going on?)
-Luigi: Ey, Yoshi, what's that crowd over there?
-Yoshi: Hm? Oh, they're all watching the members of the archery club practicing.
-Luigi: I don't get it...what's so special about them?...And what's the archery club anyway?
-Yoshi: Heh heh, guess you don't know much about this school, eh?
-Luigi: Well, I know that it's really a secret governmental breeding ground for mutant soldiers, but other than that.....
-Yoshi: Oh, very funny.....anyway, this being a top-ranking school it has many clubs and other extra-curricular activities, including the archery club, and today is Wednesday, that's when the archery club members get together for their weekly practice.
-Luigi: That still doesn't explain why everyone is so dead keen on watching them practice...
-Yoshi: I was just getting to that. The captain of the archery club is called Link. He's very cool-looking and popular. A lot of girls are crazy about him and want to cheer him on. He's also on the fencing club, the kendo* club and the music club. He's very talented. And it's not just extra-curricular activities that he excels in, he also has some of the best grades in the school! Hey, let's go have a look as well!
(Luigi was going to protest that he wanted to look for Mario, but before he could, Yoshi had dragged him into the crowd)
-Yoshi: There, we can see everything from here.
-Luigi; So, wich one is Link, then?
-Yoshi: That guy over there, with the pointy ears. Look, he's about to take a shot. He never misses!
(Yoshi was speaking the truth: Link, ignoring the yapping, cheering crowd, aimed for the target, fired an arrow and hit the bullseye dead on. Crowd goes wild).
-Luigi: Hey, he really is good!
-Yoshi: I told you so. But look over there, that guy is his great „rival", Lombardi Falco. He's also a member of the archery club. He's the biggest reason why the archery club's such a crowd-puller.
-Luigi: Yeah, all these girls are screaming their heads off just seeing him there. But can he score a clean hit just like Link did?
-Yoshi: Knowing him he'll probably do something even more flashy. Watch.....
(With a smug grin, Falco loaded three arrows on his bow, aimed, fired and hit the bullseye of three targets with one shot. All three targets then split in two and fell to the ground)
-Luigi: Wow, how did he do that?
-Yoshi: Well, he has a flair for drama, I guess.
-Luigi: Say, isn't Lombardi an Italian name?
-Yoshi: Probably, but don't think he'll be nice to you just because you're compatriots. He may be very handsome and talented, he's also a huge egomaniac with a major attitude problem!
(Behind Luigi and Yoshi, another spectator was standing. This was Fox McCloud. He had overheard Yoshi's last remark and decided to add his grain of salt with the following words:)
-Fox: Yoshi, that's an unreasonably prejudiced remark! It's not true at all!
(Yoshi turns around, surprised)
-Yoshi: Huh? Oh, it's you, Foxy. I don't know why you always stick up for that mouthy jerk.
-Fox: He's not that bad....he's really very nice. You just don't know him as well as I do.....
-Yoshi: Yeah, whatever. I think we've seen all there is to see here. Now let's get to the cantine, Luigi.
-Luigi: No, there's something very important I must do first!
-Yoshi: What's that?
-Luigi: I want to join the archery club so I can be just as popular as them!
-Yoshi: Dream on! I don't think they'll ever accept you!
-Luigi: But I won't let them turn me down! I've just got to join the archery club! Tell me where I can sign up!
-Yoshi: But I don't know that!
-Fox: It's okay, I'll take you there.
-Luigi: Allright! Archery club, here I come!
-Yoshi: We're all doomed......
*:(Kendo: Japanese sword-fighting with very solid wooden sabers)
(Luigi, Yoshi and Foxy are standing in front of a desk. Sitting behind the desk is a young girl with green hair: Saria, the manager of the archery club and close friend of Link)
-Yoshi: So, this is the place to sign up for the archery club.....
-Saria: That's right. My name's Saria, and I'm the club's manager. But I'm afraid we can't accept you, Yoshi. We can't risk having you eating the club's equipment.....
-Yoshi: Ah, shut up! I don't want to join you dumb club anyway! Luigi's the one who had the great idea of signing up, so go bad-mouth him!
-Saria: Oh, is that so? Luigi...you're one of the new guys who joined our school just today, aren't you?
-Luigi: Yes, that's right!
-Saria: Oh dear, it looks like the rumors I heard about the new kids being extremely ugly are all true......
-Luigi: Say what??!
-Yoshi: She may be cute, but she sure doesn't mince words!
-Fox: Um, Saria, is it true that Slippy is also trying to join the archery club?
-Saria: Heh heh heh, yes, he's in there now taking his entry exam.
(At that moment a sniveling boy came out of the archery club)
-Saria: Well, speak of the devil...here's Slippy now. Judging by the look on his face, his entry exam went just as I expected it would go!
-Slippy: You're so mean! They just turned me down because I'm too small to hold a longbow! It's so unfair!
-Fox: Don't cry, Slippy. You can find some other club that'll accept you.
-Slippy: Thanks, you're the only one who isn't mean to me!
(Saria then turns to Luigi)
-Saria: Well, look on the bright side, you could impossibly do worse on your entry exam than that Slippy dope did.
-Luigi: Actually, I'm pretty surprised that there's an entry exam to begin with....
-Saria: Hey, we can't accept just anyone in the archery club! You must be swift and elegant to join! If we put bows and arrows into the hands of every klutz that came by here, the school would become a very dangerous place indeed!
-Luigi: Well, that makes sense...^_^.
-Saria: Yeah, well, you're next, so do your best.
-Luigi: Yes, I will!
-Saria: Oh, and Luigi...I kinda like your outfit. Green's a good colour.
(Luigi then entered the clubhouse....after a short silence a loud scream was heard and Luigi came rushing out of the clubhouse, looking very embarrassed).
-Luigi: Oh, now I've really done it....
-Saria; I had a feeling something like this would happen....
-Yoshi: Oh no....Luigi.....
-Fox: .....don't tell us you.....
-Luigi: Yes! I shot the instructor with my arrow by mistake and he's hopping mad!
(Saria bursts out in hysterical giggling)
-Yoshi: Only a cold-hearted sadist like Saria would find something like that funny....
-Fox: Never mind her, let's just get out of here!
(The three boys leave the clubhouse and the helplessly laughing Saria)
-Fox: Don't feel bad about it, Luigi. There are plenty of other clubs.
-Luigi: Yeah! I can still join loads of other cool clubs! Let's goooo!
-Yoshi: Did you really have to tell him that, Foxy?
(However, things don't go as smoothly as Foxy seems to think they would: Luigi didn't make it into the fencing club because he couldn't see were he was going with a fencing mask on and crashed into a wall. He then tried the kendo club. Their entry exam consisted of smashing a row of watermelons with a sword. However, Yoshi couldn't contain himself and ate all the watermelons before Luigi could get started. Well, it was lunch break after all.....The music club also turned Luigi down because he broke the strings of a violin. The situation was getting desperate....)
-Yoshi: What are we going to do with you, Luigi? You're so terribly clumsy.
-Fox: It doesn't matter. Sports and may not be your talent, but there are still other clubs, such as the photography club, drawing club, videogame club.......
-Luigi: Well, I don't know. Say, Foxy are you a member of any club?
-Fox: Yes, I'm in the volleyball club, and also in the space club.
-Luigi: Space club? What's that?
-Fox: The space club basically centers around the study of astrology and spacecraft mechanics. We even try to build our own spacecraft sometimes.
-Luigi: Hey, now that really sounds cool!
-Yoshi: Don't get carried away, though. The craft they build usually blow up before they even reach the launch pad....
-Luigi: Never mind that, I'll join any club that wants me!
-Fox: That's the spirit. I'll take you to our club president: Miss Samus Aran.
(A little later, Foxy has explained everything to Samus, and she seems very excited about the idea. She's now energically shaking Luigi's hand)
-Samus: You want to join us, eh? That's great, welcome aboard, kid!
-Luigi: Thanks, but I haven't passed your entry exam yet.....
-Samus: Entry exam? Don't worry about that, we don't have any entry exam! If you want to join, then you're in!
-Luigi: Really? I'm in, just like that? Great! Thanks a lot!
-Samus: Don't mention it! In fact, I should thank you for joining!
-Fox: Well, Luigi seems to be getting along just fine with our club president ^_^.
-Yoshi: Um, Foxy, why didn't you tell Luigi that there was no entry exam?
-Fox: Oh, it didn't really seem important to me. Anyway, I've got to meet somebody, so I'll be off now. Bye, guys!
-Yoshi: See you...
-Luigi: Bye, Foxy, and thanks for your help! This is so great, I've finally joined a club!
-Yoshi: Only because there was no entry exam....
-Luigi: Hey, Yoshi, since there's no entry exam you could join the space club as well! You're not a member of any other club as it is....
-Yoshi: Ah, that's where you're wrong! I happen to be the president of the cooking club!
-Luigi: Now, why doesn't that surprise me?
(But then, Luigi hears an all too familiar voice addressing Yoshi in these words:)
-Mario: Excuse me, but did you just say that you run the cooking club?
-Yoshi: Yes, I'm Yoshi, president of the cooking club! Hey, you look a lot like Luigi...why are you copying him?
-Mario: I'm not copying Luigi! The truth is that Luigi is copying me!
-Luigi: Mario! That's a lie! Honestly, if I could have chosen who I'd look like, I would never have wanted to resemble my stupid brother!
-Yoshi: No way! Yo two are brothers??!
-Mario: I know it's hard to believe that a great guy like me could be related to a no-hoper like Luigi, but it's sadly true.
-Luigi: Maaaaarioooooo....you're really asking for it this time! Any more lip form you and I'll feed you to the dogs!
-Yoshi: Oh!! Speaking of feeding someone: half of our lunch break's already over and I haven't eaten anything yet! It's horrible!
-Luigi: You did eat a whole row of watermelons, thus ruining my chances of ever joining the kendo club, remember?
-Yoshi: But that's all in the past. We must go to the cantine this instant!
-Mario: Wait, I wanted to join the cooking club!
-Yoshi: Very well, Mario, Your entry exam is to buy me a tasty lunch from the cantine! I will only accept you if you can bring me something that I like for lunch, so choose wisely!
-Luigi: This is just an elaborate plot to rip Mario off by making him buy you lunch, isn't it?
-Yoshi: Yes, and if you shut up he might just fall for it. Come on, Mario! Follow me to the cantine! Faster, faster! Lunch is very important, it can't wait another instant! Move it!
-Luigi: Why did we land in a school full of freaks?
(Mario, Luigi and Yoshi are walking to the cantine, when suddenly Yoshi stops dead just staring at the hallway ahead, with a horrified look on his face.)
-Yoshi: Wait! Don't go any further, you guys!
-Luigi: Why, what's the matter?
-Yoshi: Look ahead: don't you see a suspicious-looking guy with red hair and big eyebrows in the hallway?
-Luigi: Oh do you mean the suspicious-looking guy with red hair and big eyebrows over there, to whom Mario is talking?
-Yoshi: That's the one. What? Mario?? Oh no, what is he doing there?! I told him not to go any further, that idiot!
-Luigi: Well, that's Mario. He never listens to anyone. But what's so bad about Mario meeting this red-haired guy?
-Yoshi: That is Bowser, the school bully. He's a really nasty piece of work who terrorizes anyone he doesn't like. It's better to keep well away from him as he's always looking for trouble and will take any excuse to give you a hard time. He also has seven nasty minions called the Little Koopas who do his every bidding. They're bad news, and three of them are with him now.
-Luigi: Oh no, I hope Mario doesn't say anything stupid to him....
(Unfortunately, Mario had done just that, for it is with the following words that he addressed Bowser:)
-Mario: Hey, ugly! Tell me where the cantine is, wouldya?
-Bowser: Ho ho....to speak to me in such an arrogant tone you must either be very ignorant, or really desperate to die.
-Mario: Not exactly, but I need to get to the cantine quickly as I'm about to starve!
-Bowser: No need to worry about that. You'll die in a much faster and more painful way, I can guarantee you.
-Mario: Are you trying to tell me that you can see into the future? Well, that won't impress me. I'm not superstitious and I don't believe in horoscopes either!
-Bowser: You don't seem to understand that I'm threatening you. But I suppose that actions do speak louder than words, so I'll just let my minions here teach you to respect the great Bowser. Little Koopas, it's up to you now! Do your intro speeches!
(Upon hearing these words, the three Little Koopas that were with Bowser at that moment got up, and with a resounding "Yessir!", they went on to obey their orders.)
-Larry: You have been insolent to our great master twice! We can't forgive this! Tremble in fear before my blue hair, I am the first Little Koopa: Larry!
-Morton: Lord Bowser rules this school and anyone who has a problem with that will have to answer to us! Behold my bald grey head, I am the second Little Koopa: Morton!
-Iggy: Little Koopas three, five, six and seven are having lunch now, so they can't join the fight! I am the fourth Little Koopa: Iggy!
-Bowser: Iggy, are you sure that telling him the others are having lunch is a good intro line?
-Iggy: Well, someone had to explain why they're not here....
-Bowser: This is simply not good enough, Iggy. Never underestimate the impact of a cool intro speech: it strikes fear in the enemy's heart and gives you the chance to do cool poses! We'll have to work on yours later....
-Iggy: I'm sorry, Lord Bowser! *then, angrily to Mario* You little punk, because of you, I was discredited in front of my master! I'll get you for this!
(Luigi and Yoshi were watching this whole scene from a distance)
-Luigi: They're going to beat up Mario! Do something!
-Yoshi: Okay, I'll call in the army, that's our only chance!
-Luigi: Sod that, they won't be here on time! I'm going to help Mario!
-Yoshi: What? You're nuts! You've got no chance against them!
-Luigi: Maybe so, but I still can't leave my bro to the mercy of those thugs!
-Yoshi: All right, then I'm coming with you!
(Meanwhile, Mario was having trouble facing up to the three Little Koopas)
-Mario: Argh, if only I wasn't so hungry, I could beat them hands down! But now, the terrible, gnawing hunger is eating away so much of my strength that I can't do anything!
-Luigi: Mario! Catch this!
(Luigi throws a candy bar bought from a vending machine in the hallway towards Mario, who catches it and immediately swallows it in one go)
-Mario: That's better. Thanks, Luigi! Allright, you Little Creepos, now let's get serious! Ready, Luigi?
-Luigi: Yes! Here we go!
-Mario&Luigi: Double Super Headstomp jump!!!
(They jump, soar majestically through the air, and land on the heads of Larry and Iggy who pass out upon feeling so much weight pounding onto them)
-Morton: Ah, but it won't be so easy to deal with me! I've got a fire flower! Feel my fireballs of doom, suckers!
(Morton throws some fireballs towards Mario and Luigi. There's no time for them to dodge: it looks like they'll get hit, but suddenly Yoshi's long, lashing tongue shoots out and grabs the fireballs in mid-air. Yoshi swallows them and blows the fireballs, concentrated into one large ball of burning fire back to Morton who gets hit and passes out as well)
-Bowser: Okay, so you beat my dumb flunkies. Big deal. You won't be so smug once I take you on!
-Yoshi: He's right, guys. We're toast....
-Mario: Yoshi! Can't you eat Bowser?
-Yoshi: No way, I won't eat something that looks so gross!
-Bowser: Save your smartass remarks for the great beyond, losers! I'm going to make you pay for beating up my flunkies!
-Mario, Luigi and Yoshi: Aiiiiiie!
(But just as Bowser is about to punch them, an arrow flashes through the air and plants itself in the ground, just in front of Bowser's feet. The arrow was fired by none other than the captain of the archery club: the ever-talented Link!)
-Link: Bowser, I will not allow you to harm these new students. Pick on someone your own size! That is, if you have the guts to do so!
-Bowser: You stay out of this! It's none of your business, now push off!
(At that moment Falco joins the scene as well with these words:)
-Falco: For once, I agree with that dopey Bowser: you had better leave, Link. You've nabbed enough page space as it is, and it's only natural that I, the coolest and most charismatic character would triumph in the big fight at the end of the episode!
-Link: You ego-tripper! I got here first, and besides, you've already had more than twice as much page space as I have!
-Falco: That only proves my point: one can tell how beloved a character is by the amount of page space he or she gets. Your remark doesn't seem so clever now, does it?
-Link: Argh, why you....huh? Wait...there's a presence....like someone's watching us....
-Falco: What are you talking about? You must be losing your marbles....
-Link: No, I'm positive someone else is here....it's you, Sheik, isn't it?
(Indeed, Sheik had been watching the scene, hidden in the shadows, but he now stepped forward)
-Sheik: Yes, Link, it's me. I've come to tell you something very important.
-Link: Please don't get me wrong, but I really don't think that this is the right time for another one of your boring monologues.
-Sheik: No, it's nothing like that! And my speeches aren't boring, they're thoughtful and very touching, you insensitive dork!
-Link: Okay, okay, don't have a freak attack. Just tell me the very important thing.
-Sheik: Oh, yes. What I wanted to say is that while you and Falco were arguing, Bowser has quietly escaped.
-Link: I guess he was too scared to face both of us....
-Falco: What a rip-off! Doesn't that idiot Bowser realize that it's an immense privilege to be beaten to a pulp by me??! Link, this is all your fault! If you hadn't made so many difficulties, I could've gone in there and have pounded Bowser's face in in a spectacular and very impressive way!
-Link: My fault?! Excuse me, but you were the one butting in line!
-Sheik: Here they go again...those two are hopeless.....
-Luigi: It looks like Link and Falco don't get along with each other at all....
-Yoshi: Nah, Falco is just such a self-centered snob that he can never talk to anyone without starting an argument.
-Falco: I heard that, you ugly little whiner!
-Yoshi: What?! Who are you calling ugly, you loud-mouthed brat!
-Luigi: Now, don't you start arguing as well, Yoshi. It's nice to have escaped from that Bowser creep without getting injured, isn't it?
-Mario: Hah! I wasn't scared of that big dope! I'll take him on anytime!
-Yoshi: Oh, I bet you would, but let's get to the cantine and have lunch first. Remember, Mario, you still have to prove yourself worthy of joining the cooking club!
-Mario: Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to bring you something good for lunch. Right, let's go then.
(But then, through a speaker a voice announces the following message:)
-Speaker: Attention all students! Lunch break is now over. Please head to your classrooms without further delay.
-Yoshi: What? No!! I haven't eaten yet! I must eat or I'll go nuts!
-Mario: And I can't pass my entry exam now! Oh no, if I can't join the cooking club, I'll die!
-Yoshi: Don't give up hope yet, Mario. There is still another way.
-Mario: Really? Please, tell me what it is!
-Yoshi: Offer me a suitable bribe and I'll allow you to enter the cooking club!
-Luigi: A bribe? That's not a very responsible attitude for a club president.
-Mario & Yoshi: Shut up, goodie-two-shoes!
(Mario and Yoshi walk off, discussing such topics as food, easy ways to make money and how to cheat on exams, leaving behind them a deeply puzzled Luigi who wonders about his future)
-Luigi: Will I ever manage to fit in in this nutty place?
END OF EPISODE 1
It's time for exams, and all the students are trying hard to come out on top. Even Mario is working hard for a mysterious reason! But competing against the other students is tough, and he'll also have to face Bowser and his minions a second time. But there's also someone else out there who's determined to get in Mario's way. It's the next episode: race towards the exams!
TO BE CONTINUED...