Episode 9: "Love 'em and Leave 'em"

CARTOON SUMMARY

For no apparent reason, our heroes have gone to Rotundaland, which is ruled by the aptly-named queen Rotunda. This Rotunda is having a bit of a dilemma, however. She is head-over heels mad about a certain prince Pompadour (wasn't it a Madame Pompadour at first? Hmmm...), who looks like a sheep on LSD, and in order to attract him, she is planning to use a love potion. See, her natural charm is non-existent and violent kidnapping scenarios are just too expensive, so the old love potion trick is her last resort. Her frightfully ugly personal witch mixes Chanel n.5 with extract of marihuana, and voila: a fully-functional love potion.

Mario and the others, meanwhile, are exploring the lofty hills of Rotundaland, when suddenly, Mario's hot pepper detector starts to beep (wise lesson: never leave home without a hot pepper detector. It could save your life), so they head off to a field full of hot peppers and begin to pick them like there's no tomorrow. Quite why they're all so keen on hot peppers all of a sudden is a mystery to me. However, they are interrupted by a gang of Rotunda's Beezos who capture them after a short chase scene, on account of their nicking hot peppers is strictly unforgivable (what is it with this sudden hot pepper mania?). As soon as Rotunda is informed of their horrible crime, she decides that it's the electric chair for them, but Mario convinces her to let them live in exchange for a bowl of pure cocaine. Actually, it's not cocaine, it's Mario's special "pistachio-hot pepper ice cream", which is probably even more lethal than cocaine. Rotunda seems to think so, as one spoonful of the stuff sends her into fits of hysteria, screaming for water. Unable to find any water, Mario dumps the love potion (which was just lying around there for no reason) down her throat. Result: Rotunda goes crazy nuts over Mario. While Luigi, Toad and the Princess are dumped into prison, Rotunda begins to harass Mario and make preparations for the wedding. Mario, being Italian, hates dominant women and doesn't like this idea of a wedding at all, even though he'd get loads of money from marrying a queen (I meant that kind of queen), and this is probably his only chance at marriage. But then again, Rotunda is forcing him to exercise and puts him on a hefty diet, which is more than he can take. The other three, meanwhile, escape from their prison with a tremendously dim excuse and conceive a plan to brew a second love potion which they intend to use on queen Rotunda, hoping that she will fall in love with somebody other than Mario (for her own good, probably). They'll have to hurry, though, as Mario is already being dragged down the aisle towards a member of the Ku Klux Klan, who is standing there for no reason whatsoever.

Mario's friends finally succeed in mixing powdered coffee with genetically modified tomato ketchup, thus creating a second love potion. They dump the potion into the wedding punch and Mario convinces Rotunda and prince Pompadour (the sheep on LSD from the beginning, who is present at the wedding for no reason at all) to both take a sip of the potion-infected punch. Moments later, Rotunda and Pompadour are dead keen on marrying each other and have forgotten all about Mario. All's well that ends well, then. Except it doesn't end that well, as Rotunda's vomit-ugly witch has also taken a gulp of the punch, and she has set her eyes on Luigi. Everyone flees in terror.